02-27-2019, 11:38 PM
(This post was last modified: 02-27-2019, 11:40 PM by Disastardly.)
She didn’t mean to come back. Honestly, she’d thought she never would, never wanted to stare down the scorched tree he’d pinned her against and relive the memory of his body pressing down on hers, his implacable grip on her hips ignoring her protests, only tightening around her as she thrashed and fought and tried to break free. She stared at the scars left behind on the forest, the grass regrowing where he’d burned away everything she thought she knew about pain and replaced it with him. The sick, rictus grin on his face, the fire in his eyes, the agony as fire burned her insides and he just kept going, taking what he wanted from her and getting off on the fight.
She could barely breathe, staring at the broken, blackened bark that had torn into her skin, ground against muscle in places he’d stripped that skin away and left her bleeding and oozing. She closed her eyes, trying to hide from the reminders of torture and brutality, only to see afterimages of flame and his awful face haunting her. The same way it did in her sleep, turning dreams to nightmares, leaving her thrashing and sweating and jerking awake to see Defy’s worried gaze on her, his father’s black eyes staring at her from his sweet, perfect little face.
She hated herself every time she put that look in his eyes. It was her job to take care of him, not the other way around. No matter what his daddy said.
It had to stop, she just had no fucking clue how to make it. How to chase away the nightmares and the memories, how to keep her skin from crawling at the thought of anyone ever touching her again. It was over, and she wasn’t going to let him take any more of her life than he already had. She wasn’t going to let him win. She just had no fucking clue how to fight when the battle only raged in her mind.
“My beautiful little disaster,” a sweet voice crooned as lips touched her neck, making her jerk away, heart racing, eyes wide with terror. God, but it wasn’t his face, wasn’t his voice, and heaven knew he’d never called her that. Only two people ever had. Zor, and their mom. As her heartbeat started to settle into something a little less frantic, she sighed and looked into the face of the woman who had done very fucking little to raise them.
“What the fuck are you doing here, Mom?” she asked, annoyance overtaking the momentary panic of being caught off-guard in the place where her nightmares had begun.
“Well what kind of question is that? Honestly! I saw you just standing here, staring off into space like a ninny, and I figured I’d say hi to my baby girl! How have you been, darling? It’s been so long!” A couple of years ago, Dizzy might have melted at the welcome in her mother’s voice, or the way lavender lips pushed hair out of her face and smiled at her. “What on earth happened to your pretty hair? You look dreadful. Did Zoryn have anything to do with this? You two always did play terribly rough.”
“What? No, of course not. Fuck, Mom, what--no. I’m fine, it’s nothing. It’s growing back.”
“Yes, and all raggedy and awful! What did you do, get bored and burn it off?” Her mom nosed at her, pressing her soft muzzle against Dizzy’s shoulder, tracing the rough line of one of her patches that now bore stitch marks instead of smooth edges. “It’s growing in funny, honey, this is why you two have to be more careful when you roughhouse. You’re ruining your pretty skin. You got those lovely patches from your daddy, you know, both of you did--”
“Mom, enough, I know. It wasn’t on purpose, okay?”
“Alright, alright, I’m sorry I asked. How have you two been? I haven’t seen you in ages. I’ve missed you, you know you’re the only part of your dad I have left ‘til he comes back, and I’ve been so lonely. You two should come visit more, it’s been way too long.” Of course. She’d only ever cared when she’d gone too long without seeing their dad. Zor especially reminded her of him, and Dizzy was pretty sure she hadn’t seen Azriel any more recently than they had. Still kept telling herself he was coming back for her someday, still kept pining for him and spiraling into pits of despair when another day or month or year passed and he didn’t come home to her.
God, Dizzy hated her, hated how well she understood. Her whole world revolved around black eyes and starry skin split by bone, and she could see all too well how easy it could be to come to that. To turn into the kind of pathetic ghost of a person her mom was without him, lying to herself and pretending he’d come back to her when she’d never meant a damn thing to him beyond a quick fuck and two kids who didn’t live up to his precious standards. God, their fucking dad was awful, and at least she’d had the sense to fall for someone better.
Someone who’d love Defy, even if he couldn’t love her.
“He’s never coming back, Mom, you need to fucking drop this shit. You can’t live your whole life waiting for him to give a shit about you, or any of us. Just stop, okay? Just...god, just grow the fuck up and open your eyes. He doesn’t love you, and he’s never coming back. And if he did, it’d only be to fuck you again and then walk away when you didn’t pop out a kid with his stupid fucking power. Dad’s the fucking worst, and you need to stop wasting your life on him.”
She’d never said it out loud before, never had the nerve, always a little too reluctant to hurt Mom, but this time she couldn’t keep her mouth shut. And the second the words stopped, regret washed over her. Mom’s jaw dropped, her eyes welled up with tears, and she gasped softly. “Disastardly, how could you say such a thing? Your father’s a good man, and he loves me. He’s just busy is all. He’s important, and you can’t expect him to spend all his time at home. He’ll be back--”
“No, Mom!” she said, shaking her head. “He’s not coming back. He was barely ever here to begin with, and it’s been years. It’s over, you’ve gotta move on. Life can be more than just him, can’t you see that? Please. Please, just...try, okay? You could meet someone new, there are other guys out there. You could meet your gran--” Fuck, nope, don’t mention the kids, uhhhh, cover, think of something! “Uh, your...grandest...love…? Yeah! You could meet someone way better, you’ve just got to stop wallowing in the fact that he’s not here.”
Ravyn’s eyes sharpened, focusing on her in ways Dizzy did not like. “Disastardly.” Ugh. Fucking stop with the full name though. “Did--no. You’re far too young, of course not, nevermind.” But the suspicion didn’t leave her dark eyes, and even if she dropped the subject, Dizzy had a terrible feeling her cover hadn’t been nearly as smooth as she’d hoped. “Well that’s enough about your father and I, tell me about you and Zoryn. Where are you living these days? Oh goodness, did you catch the plague, is that why you look so shabby?”
Ugh.
@[The Plague] please roll for both Disastardly and her mother Ravyn? Or rather, can you just infect them both, is that an option? (I play them both, and both are already here, just posted as one post so far instead of a back and forth with myself)
