the firestarters always get the burns
and the good guys never get the girl
I’m not surprised at Amet’s voice behind me, joining the group - even if I should be, since he couldn’t have heard the call all the way in Hyaline this morning. But the golden, scaled stallion has been a ruler of Hyaline for so long, and is genuinely interested in the future of the Sanctuary that he created, so why shouldn’t he be here?
Both the younger horses don’t want to move the title of ‘kingdom’ to Hyaline - in that, I am a little disappointed, but my face remains calm and neutral while I listen to their reasoning (unfortunately not reasons I can get behind, which I will tell them later). I must be honest with myself that I am pleased that Clayton would like to rule in a council with Dawn; I am positive they will be a great team together, much more than either of them would be on their own. But do I entrust two three-year-olds with a whole Kingdom and two Territories to rule, one of which of questionable loyalty, whilst knowing neither of them has held a particular seat of power before, not even as head of their castes?
If I’m really honest with myself, I can’t just yet let go. This is why I wanted the seat of power to move; not for anybody to physically move, but for Amet to have a final say in matters such as Pangea. It’s his Sanctuary, in a way. I know I am perhaps dreading the inevitable, I know these two are the future and it’s not like I don’t trust them. But I also know that I’m probably not content with them leading over me, over the Sanctuary that I’ve put heart and soul in from the day I set foot in Hyaline. I remember the burnt mare in Nerine, and figures this is how she must feel in her advisory position, seeing queens come and go. It’s painful. Yet for me, it is the first time and I do in fact consider ruling.
Dawn asks for straight-up clarity, and with Amet’s recommendation - with Solace’s recommendation - I finally know what I want. ”I’m not out for power, but I want what’s best for the Sanctuary.” If that means I rule so that these two can learn some patience, some diplomacy, and mature just that bit further and show me how they think, then that means I should.
I suppress a sigh, looking between the two of them, the only reason for them to stay seems to be to hide away from a sickness that would have reached us all by now, with the exception of Kagerus who had confined herself. Would they want to do the same then? ”I asked to move the seat of power not because of the Plague, but to entrust Kensa and Amet, who has founded this Sanctuary before giving it to Solace, with the care for the East and the brunt of politics that will be coming your way. Clayton, we ran towards the Cove to spare our harboured, but we were never supposed to hide and wait it out.” Here, I strongly disagree with the horned youngster, and with Dawn who also seems scared of the sickness - the way she says she ‘operates best’ from here. But is that true? From what I’ve seen, unfortunately our move has secluded us from the rest of the world. Being able to harbour anyone here is a non-argument to me; nobody said we would ask our residents to live in Hyaline if they came to us for shelter from the Plague. ”We would still be able to harbour whoever comes to us in the Cove, as the Cove would be a part of the Sanctuary lands. In fact, it would probably still be our preferred home for any and all of our harboured.
I also do not ask that the two of you move if you don’t want to. But the move towards the Cove was always meant to be temporary, until we know what this Plague is and what it does. We know this now. And the result is that we’ve trapped ourselves in a corner of the world, behind Pangea through where nobody really likes to walk if they want to avoid the Plague - in short, we’re separated, and so I do not agree that we operate best from here. Going back was always meant to happen, and it surprises me how much you are against it. I know the Plague is not cured, but for all we know it may never be fully. But from where I stand now, it is time we put ourselves back on the map of the world. We can no longer depend on Solace and Kagerus’ reputation to proceed us; we must be visible and present if we want to mean something in this world, and the Cove is not the place to be visible. It is a place of refuge and hiding.” There, I’ve said it. I know I’m strong-willed and I know they might not agree, but without argumentation, we were two against two on this, and so we must reason until we find a solution. So shoot me. I’m going back into the world anyway, the question is will I be able to do so with the Sanctuary at my back, or will they stay and cower when I do. In which case I might find myself without a home. Inconvenient… but I can’t stay here and pretend the world and Plague don’t exist.
To me, that, I realize now, is what had made me feel so empty about this Cove. On a subconscious level, I never agreed to hide out here.
”On the topic of if I want to rule,” I then continue, less forceful, much softer, since I know my tone had reached a certain edge of stubbornness, ”I do not mind ruling, but teaching is my strongest suit. Therefore, I would be happy with either of the following solutions: one is giving Hyaline a chance as kingdom again, in which case I shall entrust the two of you with the Cove without having to worry about Pangea,” and your lack of experience in ruling... Since they had not been council members before, I just don’t know how they’ll fare yet, ”two, I’ll hold the title of Caretaker until you’ve settled with your d- your babies,” I correct myself: I don’t know how much Dawn wants to know, and if she likes the fact that I know; if she wants more information she should come see me later, ”and until the situation with Pangea is resolved or at least at a better course than now. During that time I will of course keep the both of you updated on all actions and will frequently ask you for your opinions as part of your training, and gradually you can take over. You’d be seconds in command, rank besides Kensa, Amet and Yidhra if she’s still ruling there, until the switch is made and you’ll be rulers of the East. Can you accept these terms?” I’ve gone full-out business, negotiating, I know. But the third option - a council of three for the East - doesn’t seem the solution to me because first of all, there is no room for teaching if we’re equals and have to debate every decision; and secondly, ”I do not wish to rule for long. I’d put it at a maximum of two years, though I think one year’s time is plenty enough already to settle the things I mentioned.” I know I’m harsh. I feel bad for testing them this way, too. I need to be one hundred percent certain of them. If I do step aside for the next generation, I want them to be ready, not learn-on-the-go - not now that it considers something that is so, so important to me personally.
Sorry for being such a pain about it! The Sanctuary is kind of her baby