[private] One day it's here and then it's gone; Magnus

[Titus]

titus

one day it's here and then it's gone,
how are you still holding on?

Pouring out his worries and turmoil are quickly answered by the buckskin stallion. It seemed that Titus was not the only one to be plagued by such significances. Things that should only trivial to him ever.

But they are not simple things. These are things that cannot merely mean nothing. It is his life on the line, a pick part of what makes him live and breathe. Happiness.

Magnus laughs softly. Titus turns his nutmeg gaze back to Magnus, leaving the scene of the volcano in the distance. He peers at the buckskin stallion curiously, intrigued by how the older stallion laughs simply at the worries he had before. Will it ever be like that for me? He asks himself silently. It seems hopeless at this moment.

Could he even pull himself out of the rut? Titus keeps slipping into it over and over. No matter how many times he tries to pull himself back up, he falls back down into the darkness.

Perhaps the darkness is always where he will be. Searching for the path that will lead him to where he belongs. Where he needs to be.

Magnus makes a point though. It strikes him hard when he realizes he has allowed things to take control of him. He has allowed his past and others to dictate the sort of life he is living now. It was the same thing Graeme had told him not long ago. But why was he still letting it happen? Why couldn’t he just simply tell it all to fuck off?

Even the buckskin tells him how he struggled. Struggled to find his own way almost every day. Maybe that was where he needed to start. Maybe he needed to just take it day by day. Titus cannot remember if he had even done that. It seemed only the long sleepless nights over and over again have made him forget what it is to live one day at a time. His worries keep him up, and he finds it hard to find sleep for months now.

“It seems so simple the way you put it,” he says with a laugh. But there was no simplicity in the way Magnus had said it. He could see by the way that the stranger opened up to him that there was strength and hardship. The weight of Magnus’ words was true. And he needed them more than ever to hear them if he wanted to find what he was looking for. “I need to live my life day by day if I am going to ever find what I am looking for,” he adds.

Feeling the breeze from the sea is comforting. He doesn’t remember the last time he felt the ocean and a quiet day that surrounds both of them now. The smell of the sea reminds him of happier times, and he holds onto that for a moment as Magnus speaks again.

Find it? Would he truly ever find what he was looking for?

He should be able to if anything. But not giving into the darkness, the demons that made a home for themselves in his dark thoughts say otherwise. But Magnus next words draw him even more into what he says. “Not knowing?” He asks softly. What was the point in not knowing or going without a plan? It felt foolish to not plan your life out. But his life had never been that way. Titus never had a strict plan that he followed. His entire life had been built on going as he went. So, why was he questioning what he has always done?

Titus laughs softly. Of course, he is just being foolish about it all. It was always right there in front of him. He just needed someone to point it out. To point out how blind he had been this entire time—even Graeme had pointed it out too.

“I couldn’t agree more,” he says, answering Magnus with his own crooked grin. “I guess sometimes we can be blind by our own worries and fears.” Titus had a lot to learn though. He couldn’t let simple changes in his life dictate him. It was always out of his control. He could never truly be in control of everything that came and went within his life. “My life has been nothing but making it as I go. There were millions of things I could not control that has brought me here now.” But maybe this is where he was meant to be. Maybe this is where his new journey was to begin.

son of rome and porcia
male, classic champagne appaloosa
ocelot-shifting, wings, immortality

character info: here | character reference: here
@[magnus]