i never said that i would be your lover
i never said that i would be your friend
i never said that i would take no other
Kensa knows he loves her, has known for so much longer than either of them realize. Its that safety, the cocoon of certainty that makes the fracture so intense. If she had believed he would hurt her perhaps if she could have found a way to prepare or protect herself but she hadn’t. Litotes had always been a constant until the day that he wasn’t.
Trying to stop loving him in the aftermath had been impossible.
And still she knows he loves her, his love feels like home. His whispers and the comfort of his embrace try to settle her raging heart but each word of his apology drags her out of the reverie. I. Am. So. Sorry.
She hears a goodbye in his words, though he may not mean to bid her farewell at all. It makes her angry, as he expects, but also calls up memories of those first few days after he had disappeared into Loess. All the vulnerability, the quavering weakness, the destruction of all the the ephemeral beliefs she’d had about her life up until that point. He had challenged her, hurt her, and she had given up. Weak again.
Her cheek drops against his neck and she breathes him in deeply, oxygen to feed the fire. Kensa is so certain of her next words, and they fall against his skin, drawn along the curve us his neck, a spell to bind them. A vow. “I will never trust anyone but you again.” She had wanted to, had tried, had looked for the living breathing connection she had with Litotes and found nothing. Sex, chemistry, friendship could exist beyond him but not the certainty, the stone solid guarantee that had unquestionably existed between them. They had been unevenly matched perhaps, with his devotion and her roaming they might have come apart eventually had there been no shift. They had grown, changed… but do they still fit together?
This time it is her lips that brush his ear, her vulnerable throat bared between them. “Fight for me.” Kensa murmurs huskily, exhales...for us. She cannot hate him for what has happened to them. To the both of them, together. They have been wrong about a lot of things but not each other, never each other.
@[litotes]
