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    COTY

    Assailant -- Year 226

    QOTY

    "But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura


    i've been long gone, couldn't you tell, velkan
    #1

    I never cared for anyone so much. I was born with a bomb inside my gut.

    She has looked for him.
    Everywhere she has gone.
    Perhaps she should be ashamed of how desperately she has looked for him.

    But he had made her laugh in a way so profound that even the memory of it made her smile. And she so rarely smiled, Lilian. As if she had been born with some terrible sadness in her. As if she had been born from tragedy. And maybe she had but she had never thought to ask her father why he’d raised her alone. She had only wondered why she had not been fortunate enough to inherit all of his kindness and why he’d had to go.

    She has picked flowers and thought of him. She had been careful for days after they’d parted ways, careful not to let the flower he’d pushed into the tangles of her forelock fall. She had mourned for it when, finally, it had lost its valiant fight against gravity and tumbled down the length of her face. She’d felt silly doing it, but she’d bent down and swallowed it, afraid perhaps that someone might trample it.

    And when she finds him by the river she thinks she’s dreamed him. She does not trust the jumpstart of her heart or the slow curve of her smile. But she goes to him and she reaches for him and the smile deepens because his shoulder is solid.

    Velkan,” she whispers and it sounds like relief. “I have looked everywhere for you,” she says and it does not occur to her to be embarrassed. And then, remembering herself, she steps out of his space and her smile – muted – takes on a nervous edge as she studies him, suddenly uncertain if his reception of her will be as warm as her greeting.

    lilian



    @[Velkan]
    Reply
    #2










    I’m not really sure what I’m doing when I’m being found because all thoughts completely evaporate out of my head when I hear the voice of a very beloved friend. Like the cool cat I am, I jump-start and whip my head around and every corner of my shadowy face lights up when I recognize the mare who comes to bump me on the shoulder, like she’s testing to see if I’m real. “Lilian!”

    She steps back but I follow her, though there’s something in the back of my mind telling me I probably should have listened to her cues. But damn it, I want a hug. I’m careful about it and – obviously – if she dodged my attempt I  would let her. But if she didn’t then she got one scrawny neck draped across hers and I bump my muzzle against her neck as I do so. “I am very sorry that it took me so long to be in the right spot for you to find me.”

    And I am, of course! If I had known she was looking for me I would have planted myself in one single spot and not moved from it until she found me again.

    Which, you know, brings up the question of why she was looking for me. Still close to her I blurt out the questions bouncing around in my head. “Is everything okay? Or did you just miss my dazzling smile?” I nudge her once more with my muzzle before stepping back, allowing for some casual breathing room between us once again – and it gives me the chance to give her a quick glance over to see if she was okay.

    Not that I could do anything but I am pretty aerodynamic since I don’t have any fat or muscles so I can rattle my way over to someone who could help. Or I can scream – I bet I’m a very good screamer.



    photo from unsplash


    @[lilian] TOLD YOU I WAS GONNA POST TONIGHT
    Reply
    #3

    I never cared for anyone so much. I was born with a bomb inside my gut.

    She is absolutely certain no one has ever been happy to see her.
    At least, not in many years.
    But his face lights up in a way that puts a song in her heart and she has no choice but to smile, too.

    She casts herself out of his gravity but she does not get far before he’s following, draping his neck across hers in a kind of hug that she’s never been on the receiving end of. She closes her eyes and feels at peace for the first time in so long that it almost takes her to her knees. The smile softens but remains all the same as she lays her weary head to rest against the plain of his shoulder.

    His apology elicits a breath of laughter. It is muted, unsure. She frowns and shakes her head as they separate. “It’s okay,” she murmurs and she tries to sound reassuring but it comes out slanted. She does not try to wedge more space between them. She does not scurry out of the reach of his warmth. She is content to stand so close to him that her breath shudders across the surface of his skin.

    Is everything okay? It is a simple question, certainly. The short answer is yes, but she knows that it’s more complicated than that. So, her smile deepens when she lifts her head to look him in the eye. She feels none of her earlier embarrassment when she shakes her head and says, “I just missed you.

    She reaches out to bump his neck then, emboldened by his mirth. “Where have you been? What have you been doing?” she asks. “Tell me everything,” she adds, as if she has any right to every detail of his life. As if they’re old friends and not two lost souls who’d merely happened upon each other once.

    lilian

    Reply
    #4










    Do you guys know how wonderful it is to be missed by someone you adore? Because, until this very moment I sure didn’t and I gotta tell you – it’s a pretty wonderful feeling. Honestly, everyone should experience this! Lilian says those four words I’m sent to the moon and then I just suffocate and die on happiness.

    Is this what it’s like to have friends? Can you get addicted to this feeling?

    “I missed you too.” I say back without hesitation, because of course it’s true! Because I want to offer Lilian even a sliver of the warmth her words have given to me. You know, after the whole suffocating part.

    When she asks me to tell her everything, I am very happy to oblige. “Well now! Let’s see. I made some more friends. Did you know that scales are in fashion? I’ve met so many other horses with them.” I pretend to seriously consider her for a second before I continue, my tone light and teasing. “I think you’d look good with some scales – maybe crawling up your neck. Bright yellow ones!” I laugh then, reaching out to tickle her neck with the almost-sharp point of my nose.

    My brain continues to flip flop around my recent memories, trying to find something else to tell Lilian, my smile brightening with each piece of nonsense I discover. “Oh my god AND I saw the most beautiful butterfly, it was almost as big as my face.” Or, at least, that’s how big it is in my memory. “Did you know butterflies eat flowers?” Or, at least, that's what I'm pretty sure was happening.

    Such are the ways in which I pass my busy, busy days.

    The laughter in my eyes dies in a flash when another memory resurfaces though and my all-black eyes shift away from the dear friend before me. But hey, I said I was going to tell her everything, right? If she'll let me, I rest my muzzle lightly in her mane before I keep talking - my voice softer now. Barely enough of a whisper to move the hairs of her mane. “One of my moms is back in the area, I caught her scent in the forest a little while ago.” Along with the scent of one of her kills, but even though I’m going to tell Lilian everything there’s limits. I’m not going to say that the scent of the blood made my stomach rumble.

    That I had to go find a rabbit to eat to settle it.

    A soft sigh escapes me before I finish this particular story with a simpler ending. “But I left before I saw her.” 


    photo from unsplash


    @[lilian]
    Reply
    #5

    I never cared for anyone so much. I was born with a bomb inside my gut.

    Lilian has never loved anyone.
    Barring, of course, her father.
    And she’s not certain that she loves Velkan, but she’s confident that she could.

    It is not a romantic love, but rather the kind of love that makes her glad to be alive. Because she has a friend and he is beautiful in his strangeness and he is kind despite all of his darkness. And he coaxes laughter out of the very center of her and his smile, peculiar as it is, makes her believe in the good in the world. Because when she listens to him speak, her heart swells until it dams up her throat and she can hardly breathe around it.

    She laughs out loud when he speaks of scales, reaches out to tickle her neck, and it feels like coming to life. She instinctively bends away from him, though her feet remain planted and she does not cast herself out of this secret circle they have created for themselves.

    The laughter fades but her smile remains as he regales her with the story of his butterfly and her brow furrows in confusion. “They do?” she asks and exhales a last breath of the remnants of her laughter, though she doesn’t suppose she knows what else they’d eat. To be honest, she has never given it much thought. Before she met him, she never paid them much mind at all. She knows that, when they part ways again, she’ll look for them everywhere now. She’ll look for the ones that are as big as her face so she can tell him about them, too.

    He goes quiet and something twists in her chest as he brings his mouth to rest in the tangles of her mane. She reaches for him then, presses her nose gingerly against the swell of his breast in a way she hopes might offer him some comfort.

    She remembers what he’d told her about his mothers and the frown that passes over her face now draws a much deeper, more troubled furrow in her brow. She edges closer, lifts her own head to pull him into a hug. She pulls him as close as she can, which admittedly isn’t very.

    I’m sorry,” she says, because she doesn’t know what else to say. She drags in a shuddering breath and holds onto him hard and fast. “I’ll keep you safe,” she whispers fiercely. An empty promise, certainly, as she is no match for a monster but she believes it in the moment.

    lilian

    Reply
    #6










    I press my muzzle into Lilian’s skin, but not too hard – worried that she slight point of my lips might hurt her. There aren’t enough words to tell her how much this hug means to me, how much her assurances really do soothe me. I cannot possibly tell her the sort of monsters I was born from and how she wouldn’t stand a chance, but the simple act of the offer means everything. “Thank you.”

    I could have probably stood close to her forever, but there gets to be a certain point when it gets weird. So I step back a little, a light returning to those pitch black eyes of mine. I give her another small nudge when I speak again, so there’s no doubt about who I am referring to. “I don’t need her anyway, I’ve found a better family.”

    And then, with a small laugh, the shadow completely passes from me.

    Okay, not completely. But it fades away, chased by Lilian’s kindness and the memories of her bursting laughter just moments ago. I’d like to get back to that! Shall we?

    “Look at me, being such a downer! How have you been? Tell me everything.” I toss her earlier words back at her with a wild, encouraging smile. I know it'll be okay if she has demons to speak of too - I'll keep her safe from hers now that I know she'll keep me safe from mine.


    photo from unsplash


    @[lilian]
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