I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
She didn’t think it was possible for her to feel even more detached from reality. Perhaps it was disbelief or even shock which quietened Noellen throughout the arduous journey back to the cove, but even the small pained whimpers failed to rupture from her lips. Her body moved stiffly and mechanically as her mind withdrew into itself. Flashes of memories of once was bombarded her and she made efforts into squashing them back into her little locked box of unwanted things.
It was easier that way.
They’ve come to a stop just within the borders of the cove and her mind faintly picks up mention of Kaspian. She’s suddenly at attention with thoughts of her son left by himself back at the little sea save she had deemed as theirs. Kaspian still needed her despite her feelings of apathy for life. And soon another child would be brought into this world and it too would desperately need her. She would live for the both of them; she could last until their first steps into adulthood.
“Yes, of course. I… I won’t cross you again.”
She steps hesitantly away from the iron giant with halting and broken movements. The more distance she gains, the more hurried her pained steps become until Noellen is moving in a stilted run towards the cave and Kaspian. She’s long disregarded the numerous wounds littering her flesh and the iron blade which continued to poke out from her side. The only thing which kept her on her feet was making sure her son was within her grasp. She knew that at any moment Khaos could decide that his son was to also fall prey to his cruelty.
As she reached the mouth of the cave, her body automatically slowed and clouded green eyes spotted the sleeping colt curled up in the corner of the small cave. Her desperate need which had fueled her now dwindled and exhaustion truly set into her body. She stumbled towards Kaspian and lay down beside him. She would be his shield so that he may grow stronger. Perhaps it was the blood loss or it was her high emotions, but she grew dizzy now that the adrenaline has had time to wear off. But she still refused to succumb to the darkness just yet – there was a child who needed her.
There had indeed been a lesson taught – happiness can never be attained.
Life had deemed her unworthy of love and joy.
She would not fight her fate. She only wished that life relented until her children did not need her anymore. Surely they could be spared the wrath of life’s hands? Noellen drew in the sweet baby scent of Kaspian and could only give way to great silent sobs. Her son was so innocent of the harshness that life could curse someone with.
She remembered another innocent boy from a different time.
A boy who had the prettiest eyes of both silver and gold.
Why did life not spare him either?
Noellen