I don’t know if you can tell this about me, but this is the first time I’ve been in a situation like this and I am all sorts of confused about how it is all supposed to work. I don’t exactly have the best role models for parents, you know? And aside from a few brief interactions, I’ve ever actually seen a foal since, you know, I was one.
So the idea of being a dad is absolutely and utterly terrifying.
Not knowing how long these things take, but knowing at least where I could find Eva, I decided to oh-so-casually stop by a few days ago. I’d never tell this to her, but when I saw her she looked like she would pop if she so much as brushed up against a thorn and then there would be just babies everywhere. How many babies to mares even carry normally? She looked like she could be carrying a whole litter of puppies!
But Eva is my friend so of course I said none of this. To her, anyway. I’ve said it to you and a nice squirrel I was eating the other day.
It’s a good thing my beautiful friend is so capable because I have been absolutely no help during this pregnancy. Unless you count bringing her pretty shells and flowers to make her smile.
I’ve got a flower held gently in my teeth – these tropical plants have some AMAZING flowers!! Did you know that? The one in my teeth is HUGE and such a bright red it hurts my eyes a little bit but I love it and I want to bring a present for the baby.
I drop it, though, when I realize that one flower won’t be enough.
I drop it when I start to tremble when I take in the sight of something I never in a million years thought I deserved – a family. My family.
With two perfect foals.
“Eva.” I breathe out her name and it’s as far as I can get because this wave of pure emotion just washes right over me and drowns me right there. I don’t know if I’ve ever cried before, but I am right now. I love them so much already it hurts, I can feel my black heart (not a metaphor, btw) swell with this new feeling.
I’ve made friends and I’ve started to create my own family with them, but I’ve never really thought about it just… it hits me as I look at the two little purple figures, each with little nubs that might be antlers one day. Antlers they can spear apples onto and hopefully not woodland creatures.
Do they have my teeth?
I want to meet them so bad but I’m rooted where I am, peering over a shrub like some sort of creep. “Can I…” Again – I don’t know the protocol here. Eva and I have obviously gotten to know each other quite well to create these two little lives but even though I want to go over to her, want to nudge her soft cheek and breathe in the scent of our children.
But I'm rooted by the fear that I will be kept on the edge, that maybe Eva doesn't want me to help raise them. That once more I'm going to be chased away from the warmth and left on my own.
It takes some effort, but my black eyes turn to the mare - that unfinished question written all over every single part of me.
Can I come over? Can I be a part of this family?
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