05-10-2016, 07:24 PM
(This post was last modified: 05-11-2016, 08:59 AM by Daeryssa.
Edit Reason: because she said so
)
If I thought for a second throwing down like that would stop him, I was wrong. I can barely breathe, and I can't quite tell if I'm shaking or the world is quaking beneath my feet as he pours out his heart for me. And I listen, nodding encouragement, a wry grin on my face when he says we'll probably fight. True enough. But I bet it'll lead to make up sex, and I'm all for that. Mmm, there's something to look forward to. Then his lips are on my cheek, and it's all I can think about. So gentle, and still I just want to dive into him, want to never stop touching him. So I let go of the edge of the cliff and fall, because I know he's there to catch me.
“I don't want perfect, Pazuzu. I want real. I want messy, and scary as hell, and glorious. You're lightning in my veins, have been from the start. Perfect would be boring, and neither of us would be happy. It's a damn good thing you want more, because I'm yours. I'm in. I'm all in. We'll figure it out, even if neither of us has a damn clue what we're doing. You're right, we'll probably both fuck up, but we'll get over it.” I nip him on the shoulder and grin. “And when we do, we'll have fun making it better.” Then my lips are on his skin, soothing away that playful little nip.
“I don't need you to hover over me all the time, or hang from my every word. That's bullshit, and I'd end up hating you in about five minutes flat. I just want you. All of you, in my life, actually with me. Spending time with me, because you want to. I can think of a few things we can do together to start,” I add with a wicked grin, and my lips trail up his neck. “I don't need all your time, and I don't need you to give anything up for me. Any changes you want to make, you do for you. I'll take you exactly as you are, just like you'll take me. And maybe that means we'll clash some, but I want you, not some prettied up version with edges sanded down to fit better against me.” I like the way we fit together just fine, even when it involves a little bloodshed.
Sometimes especially then.
“I'm not going to turn into some lovesick puppy either, following you around and doing anything and everything just to make you happy. I'll drive you crazy, make you scream, make you bleed, and that'll be on a good day.” I lean into his touch, an unapologetic grin on my face. “Also if you knock me up again anytime soon I might have to murder you. Or at least find ways to make your life...interesting. I don't want to be popping out a kid or two every year 'til one of us dies. If you have any ideas on that front, I'm all ears, because let's be honest, I have designs on that body of yours and it's going to get me into that kind of trouble,” I nod at our little demon, “again in no time.”
Humor aside, I press my lips to the side of his face, trail kisses along the line of his jaw, press my cheek against his. “I'll love you too, Pazuzu. I may not be able to keep you safe, but I can...I can be the place you come home to, like you'll be mine. I've never really had home. Never really wanted it. But I think...I think together, that's something we could be. If you'd like.” I breathe him in, running my lips along his throat.
“I never wanted this. Sounded like a damn nightmare, really, being anything but mine. Belonging. Sounded like just another cage, and I've seen enough of cages to last a lifetime.” I lean into him, lips climbing higher on his neck until I can reach over and pull him closer. “And then you showed up. And there are no bars here, just...us.” I never thought I would say that word and it would feel...right. Safe. Oh, still scary as hell; I have no idea how to do any of this and wanting to is so new. But I know cages; I locked myself away in one for far too long. I know what it feels like to have bars around your heart, and this is the opposite. Terrifying and open and exposed. For him.
“I am going to fuck up, I can pretty much guarantee it. I'm going to hurt you, but I will find ways to make it better. We'll find ways, we'll figure it out together. And that's probably going to be even harder because we'll be figuring out the whole kid thing at the same time, and...well, I trust you to handle it when I screw up, just like I'll deal with it when you do. Maybe not well, but we'll deal, and we'll fix what we break. But he is so damn little. He's so new. And I don't know how to not break him.” That scares me more than anything else. Because I've seen the damage that a parent can do even to the child they love most. And I lived through the damage one can do to the child they don't. “But you both make me want to figure it out. We can more than try. I'm yours. You're mine. He's ours. Trying is for pussies. Let's just do.”
“I don't want perfect, Pazuzu. I want real. I want messy, and scary as hell, and glorious. You're lightning in my veins, have been from the start. Perfect would be boring, and neither of us would be happy. It's a damn good thing you want more, because I'm yours. I'm in. I'm all in. We'll figure it out, even if neither of us has a damn clue what we're doing. You're right, we'll probably both fuck up, but we'll get over it.” I nip him on the shoulder and grin. “And when we do, we'll have fun making it better.” Then my lips are on his skin, soothing away that playful little nip.
“I don't need you to hover over me all the time, or hang from my every word. That's bullshit, and I'd end up hating you in about five minutes flat. I just want you. All of you, in my life, actually with me. Spending time with me, because you want to. I can think of a few things we can do together to start,” I add with a wicked grin, and my lips trail up his neck. “I don't need all your time, and I don't need you to give anything up for me. Any changes you want to make, you do for you. I'll take you exactly as you are, just like you'll take me. And maybe that means we'll clash some, but I want you, not some prettied up version with edges sanded down to fit better against me.” I like the way we fit together just fine, even when it involves a little bloodshed.
Sometimes especially then.
“I'm not going to turn into some lovesick puppy either, following you around and doing anything and everything just to make you happy. I'll drive you crazy, make you scream, make you bleed, and that'll be on a good day.” I lean into his touch, an unapologetic grin on my face. “Also if you knock me up again anytime soon I might have to murder you. Or at least find ways to make your life...interesting. I don't want to be popping out a kid or two every year 'til one of us dies. If you have any ideas on that front, I'm all ears, because let's be honest, I have designs on that body of yours and it's going to get me into that kind of trouble,” I nod at our little demon, “again in no time.”
Humor aside, I press my lips to the side of his face, trail kisses along the line of his jaw, press my cheek against his. “I'll love you too, Pazuzu. I may not be able to keep you safe, but I can...I can be the place you come home to, like you'll be mine. I've never really had home. Never really wanted it. But I think...I think together, that's something we could be. If you'd like.” I breathe him in, running my lips along his throat.
“I never wanted this. Sounded like a damn nightmare, really, being anything but mine. Belonging. Sounded like just another cage, and I've seen enough of cages to last a lifetime.” I lean into him, lips climbing higher on his neck until I can reach over and pull him closer. “And then you showed up. And there are no bars here, just...us.” I never thought I would say that word and it would feel...right. Safe. Oh, still scary as hell; I have no idea how to do any of this and wanting to is so new. But I know cages; I locked myself away in one for far too long. I know what it feels like to have bars around your heart, and this is the opposite. Terrifying and open and exposed. For him.
“I am going to fuck up, I can pretty much guarantee it. I'm going to hurt you, but I will find ways to make it better. We'll find ways, we'll figure it out together. And that's probably going to be even harder because we'll be figuring out the whole kid thing at the same time, and...well, I trust you to handle it when I screw up, just like I'll deal with it when you do. Maybe not well, but we'll deal, and we'll fix what we break. But he is so damn little. He's so new. And I don't know how to not break him.” That scares me more than anything else. Because I've seen the damage that a parent can do even to the child they love most. And I lived through the damage one can do to the child they don't. “But you both make me want to figure it out. We can more than try. I'm yours. You're mine. He's ours. Trying is for pussies. Let's just do.”
Daeryssa
of the restless heart