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[private] in the dark, you burn brighter; elaina - Printable Version +- Beqanna (https://beqanna.com/forum) +-- Forum: OOC (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=24) +--- Forum: Archive (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=81) +---- Forum: Lands (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=98) +----- Forum: Hyaline (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=92) +----- Thread: [private] in the dark, you burn brighter; elaina (/showthread.php?tid=24453) Pages:
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RE: in the dark, you burn brighter; elaina - lilliana - 08-27-2019 Please don’t leave me. The thought is more prayer than plea, a tremor sent into the evening air. Having been reunited with her cousin, the russet mare realizes how utterly stupid, how selfish she had been to make this journey without Elaina. The pair could have done it together, faced the wrath of the elements and whatever obstacles stood in their way. The two could have, as Elaina so eloquently put it, blazed a path together. Her golden cousin’s comment makes the words come out dry, so deprecating to be mistaken for humor. Lilli has made plenty of wrong turns, too many mistakes and she still feels their burden. It is only here with Elaina that the load lights and seems bearable, that she might be able to shoulder it. Lilli wants to shake her head, to tell her beloved cousin that no – she too often miscalculates or misconstrues the path. It leads her to any place but the destination. The blue eyes dull, trying to prevent her doubts from taking shape in the night air. ”Only because you light the way,” she murmurs. Elaina’s lyrical laughter brightens something in the young mare. Her words bring back the images of that beloved river bend, the flowers fragrant and the air full of secrets, much like this night. They might not be there but the atmosphere they create, the memories they share between them, bring a sense of self to Lilli. Their little bend might not exist anymore but this bond does, whole and unbroken as it has always been. ”Then we wouldn’t be such mysterious creatures,” she teases, mirth lurking behind each word. Her cousin’s question causes her to falter. Lilli repeats the question in her head and looks away, trying to formulate an answer. ”Do you?” she asks as if they are fillies again and Lilli is still too scared to go first. A heartbeat, two and then she sighs, knowing her answer. ”I did,” she says, ”in the beginning. But it always felt like Father’s home. Everybody seemed to.. belong there.” And then comes the confession, ”I’m not sure that I ever did.” When the words come out, she searches for Elaina in the darkness again, wondering if this admission might deem her as something less worthy. As if there might be something wrong with her. Elaina’s certainty makes her beautiful. It has always made her so in Lilli’s eyes. It reminded the crimson girl of her father, of her elder brother and sister, so secure in their certainty. Lilliana has always cocooned herself around her cousin’s assurance, a barrier that has protected them both from so many hurts. There is a slight nod as Lilli loses herself in the remembering, the ache of their absence becoming tangible at the moment. It hurts. It tears at the cracking parts of her heart, the place where so much love flows in and out like a tide. But with the warmth of Elaina beside her, with her heat, her light, her love, the grief doesn’t cut her as sharply as it often does. It serves as another reminder to Lilli that whatever may come, whatever happens to them, they will face it together. ”It was a dream,” comes her whispered voice. It had to have been. The simplicity, the joy, the beauty of it had been to perfect to last. Even Lilli, who would rather see the world for what it might be than what it is, isn’t blind to that fact. Elaina challenges her then, dares to broaden that horizon. The places that Lilli might not be brave enough to go on her own are always illuminated by her beloved cousin. Elaina’s gazes drops and Lilli feels her head drop, her blue eyes looking for the answer on the ground. ”How does anyone choose?” Impossibilities. All of it. Thinking, Lilli tries to imagine what she would do. Where would her allegiances lie? Duty over the heart or the heart over responsibility? The actions of her parents, the decisions they made, the sacrifices they offered at the alter of realm and responsibility are one of the reasons why the chestnut has skirted around commitment and responsibility. It is the reason why Elaina stands here as an emerging Politician for Hyaline and Lilli has done her best to find obscurity. ”I always thought he broke both their hearts,” comes the dreamy tones of Lilli’s melodic voice. ”I never understood why there couldn’t be any in-between.. a compromise.” But then here, Lilli stops. Elaina had been in Windskeep. She had known the horrors, had lost her father to that senseless war. Valerio, the vanguard of old world order, would have never left any to suffer. Any injustice that he might have prevented or eradicated, that he might have extinguished, he had. The consequences of those decisions present themselves here in the slender form of Lilliana. So in a way, the silence admits to Lilli’s refusal to accept that a decision has to be unmitigated, that it has to be everything or nothing. Her blue eyes seek out Elaina’s again, always and forever wanting her approval. ”What about you? What would you choose?” Another series of thoughts swirl through Lilli’s mind. For a moment, she thinks about seeking a place here in Hyaline. She and her cousin could see Hyaline in the daylight, they could.. what? Be as they had been? As soon as the thought materializes, Lilli knows she is wrong. A loving glance to Elaina gives rise to the feeling of warmth in her chest and the crimson girl knows that Elaina is a creature of freedom. As much as she loves her, Lilli couldn’t tether her the way that Aerwir had tried too. ”I’ll keep wishing then,” she teases and flashes a glean of white in the moonlight, her smile broadening. Perhaps not an anonymous existence or one without purpose but Lilli thinks there might be something lovely in the ordinary. ”I’ve got a few spots in mind..” and the memories do catch, playing in her mind. Beloved, beautiful things that she treasures and she keeps tucked firmly in her chest, saved only for moments like this one. Lilli leans into Elaina then, pushing out the last of the darkness and the emptiness of the night around them. She doesn’t know how she has gotten this far without her. How did she even manage to find Beqanna without her? Her golden cousin looks to the stars and Lilli is seized with the sudden terror that someone she loves might not be here in the morning. There is an urgency, some unknown reason for her to know how loved she is. Everything can change upon daybreak. ”I love you,” she murmurs again to her stargazing cousin and allows herself to stare up at the stars: marveling at the sheer expanse of it all, of how small their existence is and how much of her own existence is tied to Elaina’s, of how utterly lost she would be without her. LILLIANA i left home on account of snow (buried all the things i know) @[Elaina] <3 we can wrap this up? if you want to post one more? RE: in the dark, you burn brighter; elaina - Elaina - 09-03-2019
RE: in the dark, you burn brighter; elaina - lilliana - 09-09-2019 Elaina’s warmth is the closest she has felt to feeling at peace since she has arrived in Beqanna. With night obscuring the view of Hyaline and her cliffs, Lilli’s body reacts the way as it has always done. Love fills her and unable to keep it in, it pushes the lips of the daydreamer upward as she affectionately presses her shoulder into Elaina once more. The feel of her cousin’s skin next to her own, so familiar and beloved is a balm when all Lilliana has felt recently are the tugs of an ever-changing tide, a current that seems to rip her one way and then another. Elaina serves as anchor, steadying her before she is able to caught in it again. How much clearer her head and her thoughts come here, something she knows that comes from her stalwart cousin. If you only knew Elaina, how much she longs to be like you. How much she admires you, adores you for your spirit and your fire. How much she loves you for being her home, for being the place where her doubts and insecurities can melt away like ice meeting the spring sunshine. You have saved her more than once, have been with her when the torrents and the storms have raged and she loves you even more for being the calm after it all has passed. When Elaina tries to tell her that she would have been fine without her, that she has made it without her, Lilli shakes her head. She refuses those words because, until this night, she has been drowning, swimming in emotions that she can’t even begin to navigate. ”But you found me,” comes her defiant reply, Elaina’s presence in Beqanna proof enough that the universe knows they had needed each other. That no matter what happens, who comes in and out of the revolving door of their lives, this bond between them is something that will see them through until the end of their days. And then she presses her head into the arch of her neck again, ”And I will always be eternally grateful to you for that.” The words are soft and reverent in the night, full of that gratitude that Lilli has just spoken of. When she pulls away and the cousin’s find their locking gaze again, it is Lilliana’s turn to ache for her cousin. Gently, tenderly, her nose reaches out to give Elaina a touch of reassurance. ”They would be so proud of you,” she says this with a conviction she knows to be absolutely true. She never knew Benjamin or Beylani but she had heard of their devotion to each other, to their daughter and had heard what a tragedy it had been when those two bright stars in the Legacy clan had dimmed. She has never known them other than what Elaina has shared and Lilli believes beyond belief that they would have been so proud of their daughter. How could they not be? As a filly, she had traveled half the world by herself to escape war and Frostbane and as an adult, she knows herself well enough to know that she won’t waste her time traveling down the wrong paths. ”Your happiness would have been the most important thing to them. They wouldn’t have wanted anything less for you..,” and if her happiness means a political career instead of the tedium that Aerwir offered, instead of the shackles that he had tried to bind her with, Lilli has no doubts that they would be beaming with pride over their golden daughter, wherever they were. Lilli only wishes she could give this certainty to the mare she considers her sister. When the conversation comes to her father, that earlier certainty that Lilliana felt vanishes. Elaina tries to give her own wisdom on kings and rulings but the truth is, the girls have no way to make sense of the gilded stallion. Lilliana has tried to understand some his decisions and she finds her mother’s defenses rising up in her mind whenever an accusation tries to form. But at the end of it all, he is her father and she still loves him. She knows that he loved her, her siblings, their mother and that extended to Elaina, to Brynn and her children and so many others. Her cousin confirms the thought but it still casts a shadow. It hurts more knowing that she was loved and still left behind. She can hear the plea in Elaina’s voice at her next words and it takes Lilli away from her own thoughts. Love is fickle. Duty is reliable. Both can make lonely bedfellows. Lilliana decides then that she will stay until the dawn and she will come as often as she can. She can’t bear the thought of Elaina being lonely and if she is honest with herself, a warm body would make her own sleep come so much easier. The thought amuses her and the young mare chuckles, shaking her gently. Perhaps she shouldn’t find the humor in this moment but the only other option is to find only the bleak, depressing loneliness that seems to plague them both. ”Oh, Elaina.” She whispers, her voice still light with the laughter. ”Did you ever think that of all the plans we made, this is where we would be?” The plans had been silly, girlish ideas. For Lilli, it had been dreams of knights and valiant deeds done for the sake of love. It had meant being surrounded by her brothers and sisters, having the privilege to grow old with them and have the luxury of watching the next generation of her family blossom. As adolescents, there had been so many plans and dreams and ideas. And the universe, with its eternal sense of irony, has delivered them here. (Not the future that Lilliana had ever pictured but then, that had all gone hazy when Broch never returned from the Summit.) That thought always threatens to send her down the precipice of guilt and remorse, of the things she might have done differently but Elaina is here. That particular chasm will wait for another night. Her smile quirks and had it been lighter, her cousin might have seen the sadness that dwells there. Lilli misses her dreams too. It’s been so long since she can remember what those dreams had been. But for Elaina, she will summon one. She arches her neck and turns to look sidelong at her cousin, ”I had one the other day. It was a place where it was always sunset and the sky is always painted in blues and pinks and purples. You could wait all day for the colors to fade but they never do. If anything, they become brighter.” For Elaina, she can create a world just for them. A world where it is just the two of them and that is enough. For the two of them, she won't stop dreaming. LILLIANA i left home on account of snow (buried all the things i know) @[Elaina] <3 |