[private] with this love like a hole, swallow my soul - Atrox - Printable Version +- Beqanna (https://beqanna.com/forum) +-- Forum: OOC (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=24) +--- Forum: Archive (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=81) +---- Forum: Lands (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=98) +----- Forum: Hyaline (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=92) +----- Thread: [private] with this love like a hole, swallow my soul - Atrox (/showthread.php?tid=28256) |
with this love like a hole, swallow my soul - Atrox - Ryatah - 11-12-2020 Winter could be unforgiving in Hyaline, with much of the region carpeted in snow and the frigid winds whistling between the mountain peaks. She usually did not mind the harshness of it; Ryatah has never been one to complain, and she took a secret delight in curling close to Atrox for warmth so that she might hear him sigh irritably and yet not move away. There was still a part of her that did not entirely believe that he was hers, though it was overridden by the part of her that never had any doubt. It was strange and beautiful to belong to someone again, and even still, in a way that she does not think she has ever belonged to anyone. Because Atrox is somehow everything hard and unyielding, with parts of him that she still not entirely sure she will ever see. And still – still – he is hers. She is away from him tonight, though she would not be surprised if he is at least nearby. She had hoped that the twins – and she knew it was twins, as sure as she knew anything – would wait until spring, but she had known early this morning that that would not be the case. Now, she clenches her jaw against the pain that courses through her, her skin glistening with sweat in the moonlight. She is quiet, or as quiet as she can manage, even when the first – a girl – is born. She knows that she is not supposed to be here. She knows that Breach's intention for this kingdom was to turn it into a home of shifters, something Ryatah was not. She kept mostly to the part of Hyaline that she and Atrox had carved out for themselves, but it did not keep her from being afraid of attracting needless attention. There is hardly time to tend to the filly, hardly a moment for her to gently clean her face and press her nose into her damp neck, when she is forced to curl back into the unforgiving pain. She is breathless and trembling in the winter cold, pulling the newborn colt to her chest, alongside his sister. She cannot see them, but she knows they are perfect. She knows it in the way her chest swells and tightens, in the way her heart flutters in her throat when she feels them shifting and stirring. She knows they are perfect because they are theirs, and she had almost forgotten what it was like to have children born of a love that she did not have to be afraid of. “Will you tell me what they look like?” She whispers when she feels him next to her, reaching from her place on the ground to touch her nose to his leg. If there is sorrow at the idea that she even has to ask this, that she cannot see for herself what they look like, it does not show. There are some things too pure for even that kind of sorrow to touch. R y A t A h and you can aim for my heart, go for blood
but you would still miss me in your bones RE: with this love like a hole, swallow my soul - Atrox - atrox - 11-18-2020 hangman hooded, softly swinging; don't close the coffin yet, I'm alive ATROX | THE PANTHER KING RE: with this love like a hole, swallow my soul - Atrox - Ryatah - 11-21-2020 There is a rush of warmth that floods her veins at the feel of his lips against her skin, because even after all of this time any kind of softness from him still catches her off guard. She was still mostly used to being alone – she had done this alone countless times, certainly far more times than anyone had ever been with her. It was the price she paid for placing her affections in all of the wrong places, but Atrox had a way of reminding her – in that rough, subtle way of his – that for once, she got it right. She did not have to ask for him to be here; he just was. To hear him say that the twins are like the both of them brings with it another rush of emotion, the kind that momentarily steals the breath from her lungs and makes her heart clench in an achingly elated way. “So they’re perfect, then,” she says with a quiet laugh that is the gentler echo of his, touching both twins once more. Almost involuntarily her healing spreads through her, erasing the pain that had lingered and relieving some of the exhaustion. She stands, with dirt that still mars her porcelain skin and debris clinging to the tangled strands of her mane – such a contrast when paired with the halo above her head and the glow that radiated from her. The most imperfect angel, always, but at this moment, she does not seem to notice. She can hear the twins shifting and stirring, and she lowers her head to touch the colt as he fights to get his legs beneath him. They are the perfect blend of the two of them, he says, and she has just begun to wonder if they will be angels or panthers, too, when a thought storms, unbidden and uninvited, into her moment of peace. Worry suddenly fills her, cold and choking, and she presses her nose into his neck. “What if they aren’t shifters?” She asks in a voice that is hardly above a whisper, and she can feel the panic already begin to rise up in her chest. R y A t A h and you can aim for my heart, go for blood
but you would still miss me in your bones RE: with this love like a hole, swallow my soul - Atrox - atrox - 11-22-2020 hangman hooded, softly swinging; don't close the coffin yet, I'm alive ATROX | THE PANTHER KING RE: with this love like a hole, swallow my soul - Atrox - Ryatah - 11-23-2020 It’s impossible to not reach over and touch him again at the feel of his weight against her. Her head lowers as she steps to rest against his chest, not minding the feel of his scar against her skin or the fact that the only heartbeat she can feel is her own. For all of his harshness she has never known another to sacrifice the few things that he cared about the way that he has– the Chamber, Twinge, and Magnus. It stirs something similar to guilt inside of her, afraid that maybe she didn’t deserve the happiness of a family – their family – at the expense of him losing everything else. Accompanied by the sudden realization that their children likely aren’t going to be allowed to be here, much in the same way she is not supposed to be, she can feel the familiar darkness crawling back across the light she had previously felt in her chest. He says he had to bargain to keep her here, and though she had already known that, hearing it again seems to twist the sharpness in her ribs a little deeper. “I know,” she says quietly, and she fights to keep the apology that she longs to say from slipping out; to apologize for causing an issue when there didn’t need to be one. As much as they belonged to each other, she would never be able to fully shake the feeling that he would prefer being alone. Her nose touches the top of the filly’s mane, exhaling a soft breath before sweeping down her small cheek. “I was thinking of naming her Maea,” there is a slight hesitancy to her voice, like she is still expecting him to tell her that he does not care what she names them, or for him to leave. For some reason that she cannot possibly grasp she is reminded of when Noel had been born, of how furious Ashhal had been at the entire situation, even though this was nothing even remotely similar. “And Astin for the boy,” she continues, soft-spoken but almost rushed, before falling into a strange, almost tense silence. R y A t A h and you can aim for my heart, go for blood
but you would still miss me in your bones RE: with this love like a hole, swallow my soul - Atrox - atrox - 11-23-2020 hangman hooded, softly swinging; don't close the coffin yet, I'm alive ATROX | THE PANTHER KING RE: with this love like a hole, swallow my soul - Atrox - breach - 11-23-2020 BREACH I'd bare you my heart, if I knew that it still was there so take all the wind from my lungs if you're out of air RE: with this love like a hole, swallow my soul - Atrox - Ryatah - 11-29-2020 He knows her better than most, and for that she is grateful. That he can pick up on the almost unreadable worry and tension in her voice, but does not ask her to speak of it. She has never been very good with words. She does not know how to turn the storm of emotions that have locked themselves inside of her chest and mind into words, does not know how to shape them into something that he, or anyone, would ever understand. And she knows, too, that most of her worries are self-made. If he didn’t want to be here, he simply wouldn’t be. If he didn’t want her to stay, he would have made that clear. She could tell herself that over and over, but believing it was another thing entirely. For so many years she had learned to be content with what she was given, had become accustomed to being an afterthought, that it still felt strange to be wanted in any capacity. She can hear the smile in his voice though, and the way he touches her neck is enough to abate her worry, at least for now. There is a smile on her lips too, faint though it was, when she reaches to pull at a tangled strand of his mane and say, “I’m glad you weren’t named Mass Murderer Jr.” The sound of someone approaching distracts her, and just as Atrox shifts and leaps forward, she instinctively steps just behind him, in front of the twins still curled on the ground. She lowers her head, touching her nose gently to their cheeks, her voice a soft, nearly inaudible murmur below the growling of the panther and the tiger. Her heart catches when she realizes that it’s Breach, and then flinches at what she says. Six months. That didn’t seem like very long, but she knew that it was more than fair, since they should not be here at all – especially her. Her sightless gaze turns to Breach, and as was her nature there was no malice to her tone when she says quietly, “Understood.” But there is a clench to her jaw, a rigidness to the muscles of her neck and back when she turns to touch the colt that now nuzzled against her chest. Perhaps fighting to stay had been a mistake, but along with the rest of her worries, she buries the thought away. R y A t A h and you can aim for my heart, go for blood
but you would still miss me in your bones |