[mature] it is always you I find at the end of this tunnel; Nashua

[Noel]

Though her pregnancy and the birth of the twins had briefly tempered her habit of wandering, she has found as they grow older, the desire has begun to return. It is not unhappiness that lends a yearning to her step. She’s not quite certain what it is in fact, she knows only that with her two daughters’ growing independence, she more frequently succumbs to the need to leave the misty forests and stretch her wings in flight.

Perhaps the arrival of the darkness had something to do with that.

Whatever it is, she never questions their safety in the company of their father. Never doubts he would do as much as she (or quite possibly more than she) to protect them. But even in this monster ridden darkness, she finds her wanderlust has not weakened.

Still, she always returns. She would, for as long as Nash would welcome her. Though she still struggles to put a name to what they share, she finds comfort in his company and happiness in the small family they had created. Even in these uncertain times, she cannot find herself too troubled (it had never been her nature to worry overly much about things she cannot change). No, Nash worries plenty enough for the both of them anyway.

As she returns through darkness and mist, the wild scent of the sky still clinging to her feathers, she finds him easily enough. The soft glow that accompanies him is comforting, leading her home even in this eternal night. Though he had already done so time and again, she cannot seem to help but wonder if this is the time he would not forgive her for disappearing once more.

- noel

@[Nashua]

[Nashua]

Nashua can certainly understand the call of the sky.

It has been speaking to him since he was a small colt with fledgling wings that taunted him as a youth. All Nash had wanted to do was leave the ground and the presence of the appendages that hung uselessly at his sides seemed like a cosmic joke. He had been told over and over again that someday he would fly. That someday his hooves would leave the ground and he could remain airborne for as long as he wished, that he could answer that call whenever he wanted.

And he had.

But then Nash had found grounding in his duties to the Isle and the Freyr, Leilan. He had caught a brief glimpse of the fires that razed Loess - that killed his sister, Celina, and lead to the demise of his notorious father - and it was like all his desire to see every corner of their world burnt away in those flames.

He is driven in his loyalty to both places - the Isle and Taiga. Both places are somehow home for the striped pegasus and he tries to divide his time between the two as best he can; when his daughters had been smaller, most of his free time was spent here, in the place he had been born. Now that they are older and the dark has spread across Beqanna, the Freyr has asked that the Islanders find a way to bring some form of warmth back to their barren home.

The pegasus hasn't had much luck, apart from the fire that Popinjay kept burning in Nerine. (He had spent some time there, basking and appreciating its warmth). But for each journey, he takes at Leilan's request,  his first and last stops are always Taiga. To check on Lumi and Elli, to see Noel, to speak with Yanhua. He had been looking for any of them as he wandered down a familiar trail - one had traveled since birth - and smiles broadly when he finds her instead.

She smells like the clouds and his heart is already longing for them both.

"You're back," Nash says and his right-wing - the uninjured one - is reaching for her.

@[Noel]

[Noel]

As his wing reaches for her, she curls readily into the warmth of his side, an odd relief course through her at his easy acceptance. Though his desire to touch and hold had been foreign to her at first, she had grown accustomed to it. Had even come to enjoy the simplicity of those moments, the familiarity of him beside her. Though it rarely occurs to her to initiate such intimacy, she is learning.

Many times now she had seen quite plainly the differences in their respective upbringings. So many things he took for granted she had watched in bafflement. To watch his easy and close relationship with their young children had been eye-opening, their relationship so vastly different than hers had been with either of her parents. Of course, her father she had only the vaguest, most fuzzy memories of (and they were certainly not kind memories). Her mother had cared for her. Loved her, in her own way. But she had been absent and distant in a way Noel had never even realized before meeting Nash. Before becoming a mother herself, and seeing how wildly divergent her definition of parenting was from his.

It had confused her in many ways. She had never believed her upbringing as unusual, and now she wonders if it is hers or his that would prove the outlier.

In any case, it is not a debate she wishes to have, and most certainly not now. She has grown comfortable in their unspoken compromise. Has been lulled by the ease with which Ellie and Lumi had prospered. Whatever they had done seems to have worked out just fine.

Her gaze lifts to find his as he speaks, his words simple and matter-of-fact. “Yes,” she replies, her soft voice equally so. She is silent for a moment, brown eyes searching his before falling to the wing he still seems to hold with unconscious gingerness. “How is it?” she asks, unaware of the faint lilt of concern in her voice.

- noel

@[Nashua]

[Nashua]

(and it's harder than you think)
telling dreams from one another

This is something that Nashua is still learning, too. He almost doesn't think (which he is starting to be careful of, because what if doesn't want him to reach for her?) when she is near; Nash just reaches for her because instinct wants her near. Something in him deems impossible to have her so close and not want her closer still. Having her close and pressing his head briefly into the lovely curve of her neck is something that Nashua dreams of during his lonely nights on the Isle.

But he has to be so careful.

Each flight she takes away from Taiga is the one that leaves him wondering if this will be her last (their girls are growing older and better than that, they are thriving). He wonders if that will be the last time that he will see her. And he always tells himself that he understands, that he would always understand. (They are creatures of the sky, not the ground. Maybe they aren't meant to roost.)

Nashua doesn't want to cluster her any more than the Redwoods have; he doesn't want to cage her. (And he has no experience - or memories - of what a relationship might look like. Apart from a few visits to the Taiga, Nashua has very few memories of Wolfbane and there are none of his parents interacting... like this. There are very few memories he has of his parents together at all and as he has gotten older, Nashua has come to wonder how much of that was Lilliana's doing and her attempts at keeping her sons away from their cursed sire.) Even Leilan - a childhood hero and now mentor - had no advice beyond that he should be 'sowing his wild oats'.

All of this was new for him. And terrifying.

None of that fear is apparent, now. His doubts fade away into the darkness surrounding them and as @[Noel] curves into his side, Nashua relaxes in a way that he only seems to do in her presence. The striped stallion turns his head where it hovers over the arch of her pale neck. He watches her as her gaze drops to the still-healing wing that he had tried to keep away from her and Nash smiles. "Better," he tells her (and while not an outright lie, it would heal easier if the pegasus wasn't so insistent on traveling to Nerine and back, on flying while the injury worked to re-heal itself). "How are you?" he murmurs, as quiet in his reply as she had been in her concern.

NASHUA

[Noel]

In the same way they had not spoken aloud whatever compromise they had come to in parenting their girls, so too had they never spoken aloud their insecurities from the past. Of the things that lay like anchors on their feathers, slowing their headlong flight towards one another into a crawl. Just as he is uncertain of how these things are meant to be, so is she. Nothing in her life had prepared her for this type of desire to be with another. It’s not a bold thing. Not loud or insistent, instead pressing just beneath the surface. A tether that brings her back to Taiga even when she might have flown away.

It’s a fragile thing she knows, and in her own incompetence, she fears breaking it. It’s that, more than anything else, that keeps her from admitting her true attachment. Even more than the fear he would find someone better, someone truer. Even more than the fear he would one day find her lacking.

Were she a braver woman, she might voice these. Might express the doubts that lay deep in her heart, holding him at arm’s length when she should be embracing him instead. Might even reveal it is herself she doubts, never him.

But she is not a brave woman, so such thoughts remain locked behind her lips.

Instead she reaches for him, muzzle pressing against his cheek in a silent display of sympathy for the much more tangible pain in his wing. ‘Better’ he says, but she has come to know him well enough to know better does not mean as well as it should have been. She does not say anything however. She would not chastise him for doing as he felt he must, would not encumber him with her worry. Instead she offers him her silent support in the only way she knows how.

His question stirs her however, and she withdraws. Her dark eyes rise to his, serene and steady, no longer shrouded by the uncertainty or distrust she had once regarded him with. “Glad to be here,” she replies quietly, her words earnest, filled with all the things she could not say. She hesitates for a moment, not quite certain what to say to express how she feels. “I’ve… never really had a home before.” She pauses, words growing uncertain. “But I think this is what it’s supposed to feel like.”

- noel

@[Nashua]

[Nashua]

(and it's harder than you think)
telling dreams from one another

What insecurities Nashua has from his short past propels him into the future.

His father had been a terrible creature that left nothing but destruction and pain behind him. Nash had grown up under the shadows of the terrible crimes his sire had committed and it made the flaxen-haired stallion strive to be better; a drive to be something good in the wake of something horrible. It explains his deep loyalty to the Isle and Leilan and his family that dwelled in Taiga. (It also explains why Nashua had wandered so far, searching for a silver lining of redemption where it concerned Wolfbane.)

Those insecurities have made Nashua a stallion who lives by his actions, and what he doesn't say (what he struggles to find words for), he hopes that the moments like this with Noel speak for him. The pale mare reaches for his chestnut cheek and he presses it gently to her, glad for her warmth and even gladder to have her so close. He can't help but smile when she says that she is happy to be so near. He could lose himself here, in the graceful arch of her neck. In the lovely curve of it that he reaches for, in the wisp-like softness of her cloud-colored mane.

For a moment, he wishes that they weren't on the ground. He wishes he could see the wild rush of wind as it tangles her mane. He wishes he could the proud span of her wings as they carry her towards the waiting blue above them.

But then, she pulls him back from his thoughts of the sky. The striped stallion smiles.

"I'm glad your here," Nashua tells her. His green eyes go searching for her dark ones, watching for any signs of uneasiness. There is a moment where he wants to ask her how it makes her feel, what she thinks this feels like (he wonders if it anything like he feels, a force of gravity that brings him to the ground, that roots him so deeply to her and their children that he could be a Sequoia). "The girls will be happy to see you," he murmurs to her. Their adolescent daughters complain that their father worries too much. Not like @[Noel], who seems to understand their desire to explore (which Nashua should, given all the places he's been).

Distracted by the loveliness of the white pegasus next to him, he traces the slender outline of her neck with his mouth.

"Do you know what Ellie called me the other day?" he half-jokes (not that their daughter realized her father was so close, otherwise she wouldn't have dared). "Old man."

NASHUA

[Noel]

They both live in the shadows of their fathers, his a monster he tries so hard to remain the opposite of, hers a ghost whose truth was far worse than the memories she carried of him. She would never know if she trod in his footsteps or not (though if she had known him, it would have been blindingly easy to see she most certainly is not). In the end however, they are neither of their parents. Their children would undoubtedly find their own unique flaws in each of them, but it would not be the ones of their parents.

Her troubled musings are quickly chased from her thoughts by the warmth in his green eyes. She shivers slightly beneath his touch, the soft brush of his lips on her neck drawing heat in its wake. She leans in, a low hum of approval rising unconsciously in her throat.

Had she known his thoughts lingered on flight, she might have suggested they adjourn to the sky. Just as he could imagine the lure of the open expanse of the endless breeze, so could she. A more enticing aphrodisiac, she could hardly imagine. But with his mending limb and their young children, it was perhaps a dream best saved for another time.

But she could imagine no other way she would rather spend her day than in the heavens with him.

His words bring her back to reality with a sharp jolt, and she blinks at him with faintly unseeing eyes. When what he is saying registers, a laugh bubbles slowly up from deep in her chest, and she can’t seem to keep it from bursting from her lips. With that rare smile still curving her lips, she reaches out to press her mouth against the corner of his lips. “If it makes you feel better,” she murmurs, her voice soft and throaty, “I do not think you are an old man.”

- noel

@[Nashua]

[Nashua]

(and it's harder than you think)
telling dreams from one another

Noel leans into him and Nash lifts his uninjured wing so that she might press closer to him. She is a wonderful warmth that guards him against the chill that blows in on the shadowed breeze and he seeks to repay the favor by offering his own to her. What he has to give is hers; he hopes that she knows this by now.

He hears her murmur of approval and settles against her, basking in their shared heat.

His mind is full of cloud-chasing (though his mind is focusing on the mare who is so much easier to reach than the sky). He misses the wide blue beckoning to him, misses the way that it spread for miles like a vast sea. He wants their children to grow up in daylight, not darkness, and each moment that it remains makes the striped pegasus more unsettled. There is so much he wants for Elegance and Luminesce and he wonders how to give them the world when it is so full of rot and decay?

For now, the love and assurance of their parents will have to do. Nash will have to content himself that his constant patrolling in the North will keep them safe. That by having them near Yanhua and his family will protect them, if Nashua was unable to.

For now, @[Noel] is in Taiga and Nashua is happy to content himself with her company. Happy to forget the darkness for a few blessed moments and find something bright in each other instead. She reaches up to press a kiss at the edges of his pale lips and his quirk in a knowing smile, as his green eyes go searching for her dark ones. "Oh?" He asks her with a voice that comes from the back of his throat. It comes deep and gravely as he tries to keep his focus on the delicate curve of her ear. "You should be more careful with your thoughts," he warns her with a distracted chuckle.

NASHUA

[Noel]

In this moment, in the cool mists of their secluded haven where they share their warmth with one another, it is easy to forget the darkness. Easy to forget the monsters and haunting threat waiting for them outside this small bubble of time. Noel has never been a woman given to worry, but even she had to wonder at the ending this would bring. She is hard-pressed to believe this could truly be the end, but the world at large speaks so loudly otherwise.

And unfortunately, she is far too practical to imagine there might be a fairy-tale ending to this darkness.

Perhaps that is what makes this moment so much more precious. Why it feels so important to forget the world, even if it is only for a short period of time. Because if she did not, there would only be fear and worry waiting on the other side. Something Nash does more than well enough for the both of them.

So she presses close, holding this moment as long as she can, wrapping it deep inside her thoughts for safe-keeping. A memory to see her through the rainy days of the future. A picture of his eyes lighting as they find hers, that small, knowing smile tugging at his lips. The sensation of warmth blooming inside her, of the pleasure at being able to distract him so.

His voice sends another shiver along her skin, the low, rough quality in her ear like a spray of feathers down her spine. Her breath hitches, but it doesn’t stop her own nearly breathless response. “And what if I don’t wish to be more careful with them?”

- noel

@[Nashua]

[Nashua]

(and it's harder than you think)
telling dreams from one another

It's easy to forget the existence of everything outside this little world that @[Noel] crafts for him. He doesn't know how she does it but it's something that he was always found so intoxicating about his pale companion; he can breathe her scent of sky and cloud and forget that his hooves are even touching the damp Taigan soil. Nashua always seems to lose himself in the slender arc of her neck, the supple length of her back, the enthralling curve of her hips.

Nashua, who has dreamed of seeing a thousand places, finds that he dreams of this one the most.

His pale lips continue to place tender kisses beneath the fine silk of her mane, tracing that lovely neck he had just been admiring moments before. The slender pegasus shivers and Nashua can't help himself, he smirks; he nearly laughs with the knowledge of it but the heat is rising within him, too. The striped stallion can keep his thoughts focused, away from all the other ways that they might distract themselves but it is so damn hard when she teases him like that.

Her breathless reply nearly knocks the wind out of his.

"And what are you wishing for now?" he very nearly growls the words into her delicate ears. Winds, this woman. Nashua might have blamed the season for making it so hard to focus but he knows the truth: that even in the depth of winter or the blaze of summer, the woman pressed against him would always drive him to this frenzied level of desire.

He looks at Noel and the more familiar she becomes to him, the more that he comes to learn every curve of her, Nash is always left wanting more.

NASHUA

disclaimer: this post has the word h i p s