Help me out before I drown
Save me now before I give up
The sound of her laughter rings off the shadowed walls of the canyons and he wishes he could store that sound away in a box. Something he could open to chase away the demons that creep into his head and keep the nightmares at bay. He had suspected she could talk to animals that day in the Meadow but she confirms his theory now and he merely smiles at her as she considers the fish, catches the moment of what seems almost like guilt. “I understand. If it helps, I prefer my herbivore diet and can keep the fishing to a minimum.” The truth is that he’s never hunted at all but she hadn’t seemed perturbed by the thought originally and didn’t feel the need to correct it. There is something about the twilight mare that’s gotten under his skin. She doesn’t look at his wounds and brands with disgust or fear, there’s no pity in her gaze. She hadn’t even flinched when she had approached his bear. She treats him as if he was perfectly normal and he can’t remember the last time anyone else had done so.
When he and Ellyse had found each other, they had both been broken. The difference was that he could freely admit it while she constantly denied it. The red flags had been there from the beginning, she had been his father’s lover for gods sake. It had happened so fast and he had been so desperate for someone who might understand him, craving love like an addict only to fall for someone who battled their own addiction. It was hard to see the flaws and cracks in the relationship when he had never truly had one before, had no idea what to really base it on. If he had been more honest with himself then he would have admitted that they were doomed from the start. Two broken people can’t try and fix each other. He was never going to be Magnus and it had never been fair for her to try and make him so, it had been the elephant that they never spoke about but always lurked just behind the facade of happiness. The more he tried to hold on to her, the more she lied and denied to him and herself. He had known that her heart belonged to Dahmer long before she realized it herself, all the while claiming it belonged to him.
Knowing Oceane now, it's almost funny that he had ever mistaken the two. It had been her wings that had triggered those memories. But when he gazes at them, soft feathery blue, he doesn’t see Ellyse anymore. His dark eye studies her now, taking in the soft glow at the tips of her wings and knows that the brand on his chest and flank are probably bright with luminescence as well as the darkness settles in. The light of the moon caress the lines of her face and he can’t help but think just how wrong he had been before. There was a subtle strength in Oceane. She carried the weight of her kingdom and whatever secrets of her personal life with grace and dignity. He’s drawn to her like a moth to the flame.
The thoughts are pushed away viciously, shaking his head lightly and tossing his snowy forelock to the side. He had no heart to give, Carnage had seen to that. The price was far too high to try and get it back and nobody would want a glass heart that could not beat or feel the way it was suppose to. How was he to give that to somebody else and ask for theirs in exchange? Love was dangerous and cruel and could quite literally kill him if the crystal in his chest continued to shatter or crack. He doesn’t know why, why he feels these strange sensations in his ravaged chest when he’s around her. No, it was pointless to feel anything at all. All he can offer is a cautious friendship at best, he does not deserve more than that and she had already proved she was worthy of much more than he could ever give. If she wasn’t spoken for already, it would be surprising if she wasn’t.
When he speaks of debt, she quickly brushes it away and he can’t help but look back at her. Deep in his gut, he had expected as much but it was nice to be proven right regardless. “You’ll go far if you always hold on to that. I’ve watched many kingdoms crash and burn but most lacked your common sense.” He murmurs softly, studying her expression and giving a slight nod of his muzzle in acknowledgment of being released from obligation. Slowly his muscles begin to relax, the tension slowly releasing as he grows accustomed to the sounds of Loess and the soft sound of her breathing.
He looks back out to the now dark sea and the pregnant moon that hangs above it as she speaks again. As she speaks of his shifting. He knows he needs to tell her the full truth but his chest constricts and his stomach churns, the panic rising in his throat. “It’s not just the bear.” He finally manages, his voice more raspy as his mouth goes dry. Unable to look at her. He tries to get the words out but they refuse to budge. After a minute or so he manages to say quietly, “It’s difficult to explain. Hard to talk about.”
It’s not a fair enough warning but it’s all he can manage as he remembers the way his claws had raked over his own chest, over a branded X that could never be removed. Remembers charging at the child that had never asked to be a part of their drama. Remembers hurting an innocent by accident when he had been newly transformed. Remembers the dark cell, his father dead at his hands, Adaline is now screaming and shattering, and Carnage laughs softly as Ellyse and Dahmer curl into each other for comfort. It's overwhelming and his ears lace back, becoming hidden in the tangles of bleached hair. His breath comes sharp and quick and he steps away from Oceane as the panic lodges firmly within him, trying to hide the shame of his condition as he steps into the water until it laps against his belly, fanning the strands of his flaxen tail behind him like a bristled paintbrush. The one eyed man tries his best to let the water soothe away the weight in the pit of his stomach as he struggles to gain control again, struggles to calm his breathing and the rigidness that seizes his muscles.
Ledger
@[Oceane]