[mature] [chaos week] Boy, are we having a party

[Obscene]

He gazes pointedly at Leilan for a moment and then drags his hand into a large three tiered cake. Grabbing a handful, he slaps it across Leilan’s face. Slowly smears it all over his forehead and muzzle until there’s a thick layer of frosting in his forelock and bits of cake stick to his fur. Taking a step back, he admires his handiwork. “Better.” He says.

A prancing zebra rump-checks Steve who goes flying head over heels and sends goblets and chalices flying everywhere. “Really Steve…” He rolls his red eyes, looking disgusted as he flicks his fingernails together. “This is why we don’t bring you out into public. Chop chop!” He claps his hands together and instantly cleans up the mammoth with an even more obnoxious pink tuxedo replacing his old one. “Oh and Steve?… Find some pants. Nobody likes a Pooh Bear.”

The zebra has turned into a dark haired woman who slides suddenly beside him. “Elizaveta” she says suggestively and Ob lowers his face to her outstretched hand. Pulls her in only to spin her away until she crashed into Steve’s ginormous rearend. “Nobody likes a Thot.” He sneers at her as she spins away.

Cheri’s sister is suddenly there and he gasps in dismay. “Memorie…dear…your tits are out.” A quick snap of his long thin fingers results in a very large itchy ugly Christmas sweater to immediately cover up those ta-tas. He does however, slip a vial of her friend into his pocket. For later, just in case. Rainbow slinkies and black lights suddenly vibe across the wildflowers and it takes a minute for him to realize he hadn’t snorted pollen today.

Nothing can prepare him for what happens next.

He doesn’t know what an ambulance is but holy fuck, here’s one now. It zooms across the meadow, revving up flowers and pixies in it’s wake. A vicious white, red, and blue beast as it charges up the driveway towards the party. He’s not ready for the blast of emotion blaring from the sirens. I can’t make it on my ownnnnnn (screamo) What the hell was that? Because my heart is in OHIOOOOOOO It was so bad. So bad and yet… so good. Also what or who the fuck was an Ohio? It sounded like a terrible place to leave ones heart.

SO CUT MY WRISTS AND BLACK MY EYESSSSS Blares the siren as it spins up to land in front of him, needles and bandages flying everywhere. Suddenly, a girl peeks around the corner. For a minute he thinks she only has one eye but then realizes it’s just deeply hidden beneath the thick teased flat iron side part of her dark dark hair. “Obscene… your my Dhaad.” His whole world stops. Furiously he tries to make sense of this. How can this be when he was just a fair virgin? Cheri had been his only kiss and he was innocent and naive to the ways of the flesh. “No way. I can’t have a kid.” He furiously looks around, too many people to know the full truth. “It’s not cuz I couldn’t.. I sex so hard it hurts.” He flips his own flat ironed layers to the side. As fucking if. He could totes bang if he wanted.

“Like… who the fuck is Marty even?” He says with a long sigh and then screams for Steve. “STEVE. WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT LETTING THE EMOS IN.” With a sudden snap, he slaps his hand across Steve’s tusked face. A hand is severed from his arm and magical spins through the air, landing as the one and only Hands Horse. It gallops off on it’s four fingers, it’s thumb turned to the sky neighing furiously with freedom.
“Whose child is this??” He calls out to the partygoers. Pointing at Leilan as he grows back his other hand. “You take her. You’re the Godfather now.” Looking back at this imposter angsty teen that he can’t possibly understand or relate to. His tattooed arms fold in disdain. “Nothing you say makes sense. We can only end this in an EMO LIP SYNC BATTLE.”

In the background a busty centaur starts feeling up on Steve and secretly Obscene thinks… ”Nice….”

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Y'all, what did I just even write hahaha