[private] how can I rearrange

[Risa]

It has been nearly a year since she’s returned, but Risa has still not fully adjusted. She keeps shying away from making attempts, slinking into the forest and going deep enough until the colours are muted and rich and she can breathe a little easier.  She’s returned from the afterlife but she is still playing the part of a ghost. Still unsure of what it means to be alive and if she really wants any part of it. Or how to become a part of it. She had liked winter, when everything around her had been shades of white and brown, except for the occasional blue sky. It had been easier to stand in the open when there was snow hiding everything that was too much. But now that spring is inching towards summer, the world is bright and green once again and she retreats as though the vibrancy burns her. Part of her knows this is silly, that she had lived perfectly fine in the world once. Everyone else seems to manage it perfectly fine. The living world is filled with incredible magic and magnificent things that she would have never even been able to imagine. She wants to find a place amongst it, as plain as she is in comparison. Each morning she encourages herself to drift towards the spot where the meadow and forest blend, each morning she makes it a little further before she begins to doubt her ability to hold a conversation, to hold the attention of anyone that might come across her way. Some days she does emerge from the woods, some days she moves among the light where the dapples on her coat shimmer and she shares quiet laughter with strangers. But on days like today, she retreats quickly - plagued by doubts she cannot really put a name to. Days like today,  when the sun begins to set and the shadows begin to deepen, she just tells herself that tomorrow will be one of the better days and she’ll try again.

@[Illum]