05-30-2021, 09:25 PM
Ryatah
He makes her want to be more selfish than she already is, makes her skin hum where he presses his lips into her throat and causes her pulse to leap eagerly to meet his touch. The rush of heat that travels down her neck brings with it a flood of memories from Taiga, and she thinks how easy it would be to lose herself to him again. Here, with just the two of them, and if this had been any other time, any other version of herself, she would be his right now. There is nothing stopping her, and if her history was any indicator it should not matter that her heart has anchored itself to someone else.
She has always been so good at belonging to someone just for a moment, a night, a month—however long they might want her, and Illum would have wanted her forever.
But her heart was a thing that she could not control, and she never has been able to figure it out. Even though it beats with a want for him in her chest it sings too with a quiet guilt, a reminder that she has already walked this path and nearly destroyed her and Atrox in the process. She does not have any special kind of faith in herself to think that she will not eventually ruin them, and it was so unlike her to try. She still does not know what has set Atrox apart from Skellig; why she is trying her hardest for him, and Skellig she did nothing but burn him to the ground and leave him in the ashes.
Whatever the reason, it is the thing that keeps her tethered to reality. The thing that reminds her that this moment does not exist in a wonderland of only her and Illum, but that Atrox is just on the other side of the lake, that before nightfall she will be back with him. It is a reminder to keep that emotional distance between herself and Illum, even though the tension in his voice and the way his eyes keep flashing from a molten fierceness to a cold indifference is making it impossible. “Then I won’t keep anything from you,” she tells him gently, and for a moment she forgets her earlier resolve and lets her nose again trace the muscled lines of his shoulder. “Only full answers and whole truths from now on.”
And oh, how quickly she regrets saying that.
He is suddenly pressed against her, with that shift in his voice that makes her skin tremble in a way that is both in fear and anticipation. Her breath catches in her throat but she makes no effort to move away, not even when his teeth drag down her neck and side. “Illum,” there is an almost gasping strain to her voice, and his name tastes like sorrow and regret as she presses into him for a weighted moment, before gritting her teeth and shifting her hip away. “Stop,” it should have been a command but it is too weak coming from her mouth, with his shadows laced across her wings and his touch still burning against her skin.
She had promised him full answers and whole truths, and though she knows she owes him that much, the words still sting her tongue.
“I can’t be with you,” while it is spoken in a voice that is so impossibly soft there is a finality to it, forcing herself to meet his gaze when she finishes with, “I love Atrox.” And she does—she knows this beyond a shadow of a doubt, she knows this with a certainty unlike any she has ever experienced. That wretched heart of hers that tried too hard to love everything not meant for her was scattered into all the corners of the earth but she had pulled together what was left and promised it to him.
But still she is trembling with having to say this aloud to him, still wrapped in his darkness and so close to the storm that he is keeping captive inside of himself. She does not reach for him now, tentative and unsure in the way that she stands so still alongside him, adding quietly, “But that does not mean that I wouldn’t do anything for you.”
She has always been so good at belonging to someone just for a moment, a night, a month—however long they might want her, and Illum would have wanted her forever.
But her heart was a thing that she could not control, and she never has been able to figure it out. Even though it beats with a want for him in her chest it sings too with a quiet guilt, a reminder that she has already walked this path and nearly destroyed her and Atrox in the process. She does not have any special kind of faith in herself to think that she will not eventually ruin them, and it was so unlike her to try. She still does not know what has set Atrox apart from Skellig; why she is trying her hardest for him, and Skellig she did nothing but burn him to the ground and leave him in the ashes.
Whatever the reason, it is the thing that keeps her tethered to reality. The thing that reminds her that this moment does not exist in a wonderland of only her and Illum, but that Atrox is just on the other side of the lake, that before nightfall she will be back with him. It is a reminder to keep that emotional distance between herself and Illum, even though the tension in his voice and the way his eyes keep flashing from a molten fierceness to a cold indifference is making it impossible. “Then I won’t keep anything from you,” she tells him gently, and for a moment she forgets her earlier resolve and lets her nose again trace the muscled lines of his shoulder. “Only full answers and whole truths from now on.”
And oh, how quickly she regrets saying that.
He is suddenly pressed against her, with that shift in his voice that makes her skin tremble in a way that is both in fear and anticipation. Her breath catches in her throat but she makes no effort to move away, not even when his teeth drag down her neck and side. “Illum,” there is an almost gasping strain to her voice, and his name tastes like sorrow and regret as she presses into him for a weighted moment, before gritting her teeth and shifting her hip away. “Stop,” it should have been a command but it is too weak coming from her mouth, with his shadows laced across her wings and his touch still burning against her skin.
She had promised him full answers and whole truths, and though she knows she owes him that much, the words still sting her tongue.
“I can’t be with you,” while it is spoken in a voice that is so impossibly soft there is a finality to it, forcing herself to meet his gaze when she finishes with, “I love Atrox.” And she does—she knows this beyond a shadow of a doubt, she knows this with a certainty unlike any she has ever experienced. That wretched heart of hers that tried too hard to love everything not meant for her was scattered into all the corners of the earth but she had pulled together what was left and promised it to him.
But still she is trembling with having to say this aloud to him, still wrapped in his darkness and so close to the storm that he is keeping captive inside of himself. She does not reach for him now, tentative and unsure in the way that she stands so still alongside him, adding quietly, “But that does not mean that I wouldn’t do anything for you.”
EVEN ANGELS HAVE THEIR WICKED SCHEMES
oh yeah, so did I. LOL look at me, I'm LaUrA and SaM and JaSsAl