Assailant
Deep down, he is not a strong man and as such, his fortitude begins to falter almost immediately. He can appreciate the straightforward delivery of her apologies and the quiet in her voice brings out the forgiveness that he wildly wishes to envelop her in. But something still gives him pause.
That fear of the unknown that has plagued her has finally settled over him, and it is from this that his misgivings stem. It would be so easy, so natural to pull her to his side once more (and oh, how he wants to feel her again), but now he has seen how readily she lets her faith be swept away in the tides of her own insecurity. He has watched her walk away from him once and he is not sure that he will survive if there is a next time.
He knows that physically, he will go on; however, considering the changes that have occurred this time, he worries about the type of man he will become if she leaves him again. He doesn’t know how he has become so thoroughly tangled in the netting of her soul, but there is just a touch of resentment when he realizes it. He has never given this much control to anyone before and the oldest pieces of him want to break her hold on him. They want him to break her even more wholly than she has done to him.
But he can’t.
He does not say anything, but the severity of his expression lightens just enough to convey his acceptance. However, the restraint in her eyes does not go unnoticed. His initial interpretation is that though she is remorseful for her actions, she still will not let him tear down the barriers she has crafted around her heart. He feels that hot, bitter indignation rising in his throat again and it pushes him into action.
He is careful not to let any anger show as he decides to close the gap between them, to swiftly circle her, then press firmly against her side. The closeness of her body brings the scent of her into sharper focus, and he finds it intoxicating (for many reasons). For a moment, there is only the sound of his quiet but tortured breathing as he contemplates his next move. The demons he has been trying to smother feverishly beg him to revert to his old ways, to exhibit dominance in the best way he knows and likely light the fuse that would blow apart the fiasco they have created.
But he can’t.
A muted voice cuts through the din in his mind. It gently reminds him that she is young and even far less experienced than he in navigating these turbulent waters. It sends a wave of rationality to dampen the fires of his fury and he exhales heavily. “It seems we still have much to learn about each other,” he says in a raw, uneven tone. He pulls away from her to look upon her face, to take in the entirety of her.
The change is not instant, but affection slowly chips away at the iciness he had attempted to cover himself with. He remembers how their last night had begun, remembers his relief at seeing her approaching the lake, remembers the emotion that he had still refused to name. He knows what he should have said then, knows what he should say now.
“But what I have realized is that I want the chance to learn, that I need the chance..” As he loosens his grasp on his need for control, his eyes soften. He lifts his wing in a silent invitation to fall into his embrace once more, to feel the way his heartbeat quickens for her, to give him the opportunity to provide the reassurance she seeks. “And I know now that I need you.”
His mouth instinctively reaches for the golden velvet of her cheek, but he pauses in consideration and stretches upward instead. There, he does not quite touch her, gives her the chance to pull away, but not before he breathes his next words into her ear,
“Stay with me, always..”
All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware
--Martin Buber
@Adriana