dear wilderness be at your best; caius

[Caius]

when is a monster not a monster? oh, when you love it She might very well hurt him, someday. And would he love it, the way he loved the bruises Chantale pressed against him like kisses, the way he loved the taste of sour milk on his tongue – things he loved because he had no comparison. The same way he never knew the sand was soft until he ventured onto firmer ground. She might hurt him, and he might love it, or he might know there are sweeter things that could be had. He himself does not harm – not intentionally, at least – and certainly does not want to hurt her. He wants to cherish her, to guard her fragile body, to build scaffolding to support her. He has no idea how to do any of this, of course. Most of his love has been warped, strange, soured. And he certainly doesn’t know how to fall in love, only how to fall. But she flinches back. He doesn’t know what he’s done wrong so he lets her go even as he aches for the space where she was moments ago. He aches for so much of her, things he can’t articulate. Tell me about him, she whispers, and it is safer ground, ground he scrabbles to even if the words are bittersweet. “He was kind,” he says, “he loved me even though he never intended to have me.” (Chantale had all but thrown him at their feet – Caius had been her revenge, her slap in their faces. Look, his presence had said, look at how weak you were.) “He taught me to fly,” he says. He doesn’t fly, not often – the wings have never stopped hurting since their unfurled, damp and bloody. The pain is often a low thrum, barely noticeable, but when he tries to bear heavy things aloft blood pours form the joints and the bones feel hollow, like they might shatter at any moment. “He loved all his children. He loved his kingdom. He wanted me to be a fighter, like he was, I think. I’m not any good, but he wasn’t disappointed in me.” A pause. He thinks back to his foalhood, how large and terrifying his father had seemed. “I didn’t like him, at first. He chased mother away before…before I knew what she was. I know now...he was right to do so. But at the think I hated him for it.” c a i u s vanquish x chantale

(abrupt ending bc i forgot i have real work but it'll do)