09-11-2016, 12:53 PM
It’s scary being all alone again, but I’ve managed to find a couple of cozy places here in the forest. A nice willow tree was my first little cuddly spot, and now I’m nestled up in a little bitty almost-cave and sheltered from the snow. The cold has still sunk into my bones without my fire friend here to keep me warm, and without anybody warm to snuggle up against to chase it away. But I’m almost getting used to the way it numbs my most of me, just leaving a sad little ache in my chest.
It’s quiet here, hiding in the dark and trying to get a little sleep ‘til the sun comes out. At least that’s still warm, even if it’s far, far away in the sky and out of reach, a distant echo of the fire that used to wrap around me like a little blanket, keeping me cozy all the time even in the tundra. But right now, in the night time, there’s not even the faraway sun to warm my bones, so I curl up and shiver and listen to the chattering of my teeth and try really hard to sleep just a little bit.
Even if that feels impossible.
I close my eyes, and clench my jaw to make the clattering, rattling sound of my teeth stop, and just curl up a little smaller and tighter and try to pretend I’m somewhere safe and warm and home. I don’t get to have home, the world herself said so. But she can’t stop me from pretending.
So I imagine warmth tucked around me, flickering fire dancing along my skin and chasing away the cold. I imagine my dad nuzzling my shoulder, his warm breath puffing out along my skin. I imagine him lying down next to me, snuggling close so I can feel his heart beating. “Goodnight and sweet dreams, Lily-girl,” I can almost hear him murmur.
His voice sounds wrong when he says my name, though, frantic and upset instead of a quiet, soothing sound of comfort and love. “Lily! Lilitha!” Still, it takes a moment for me to realize I’m not just imagining him really, really well.
“Daddy?” I call back, scrambling to my feet, hardly daring to hope he’s more than just a figment of my lonely heart’s fiercest hope. I duck out of the cave and race toward the sound of my daddy’s voice, and by the time I finally see him, tears are rolling down my face all over again. “Daddy!” Oh, he didn’t forget me. The world didn’t chase me out of his mind and his heart and take away the only home I’ve ever really had.
I throw myself into his embrace, curling up against him as if I could climb into his skin and never ever be left alone again. “You found me.” My words are a broken little sob, but it doesn’t matter, not that or the way this whole day has been the saddest of my entire life, short though it’s been. My daddy’s here. That’s all that matters.
It’s quiet here, hiding in the dark and trying to get a little sleep ‘til the sun comes out. At least that’s still warm, even if it’s far, far away in the sky and out of reach, a distant echo of the fire that used to wrap around me like a little blanket, keeping me cozy all the time even in the tundra. But right now, in the night time, there’s not even the faraway sun to warm my bones, so I curl up and shiver and listen to the chattering of my teeth and try really hard to sleep just a little bit.
Even if that feels impossible.
I close my eyes, and clench my jaw to make the clattering, rattling sound of my teeth stop, and just curl up a little smaller and tighter and try to pretend I’m somewhere safe and warm and home. I don’t get to have home, the world herself said so. But she can’t stop me from pretending.
So I imagine warmth tucked around me, flickering fire dancing along my skin and chasing away the cold. I imagine my dad nuzzling my shoulder, his warm breath puffing out along my skin. I imagine him lying down next to me, snuggling close so I can feel his heart beating. “Goodnight and sweet dreams, Lily-girl,” I can almost hear him murmur.
His voice sounds wrong when he says my name, though, frantic and upset instead of a quiet, soothing sound of comfort and love. “Lily! Lilitha!” Still, it takes a moment for me to realize I’m not just imagining him really, really well.
“Daddy?” I call back, scrambling to my feet, hardly daring to hope he’s more than just a figment of my lonely heart’s fiercest hope. I duck out of the cave and race toward the sound of my daddy’s voice, and by the time I finally see him, tears are rolling down my face all over again. “Daddy!” Oh, he didn’t forget me. The world didn’t chase me out of his mind and his heart and take away the only home I’ve ever really had.
I throw myself into his embrace, curling up against him as if I could climb into his skin and never ever be left alone again. “You found me.” My words are a broken little sob, but it doesn’t matter, not that or the way this whole day has been the saddest of my entire life, short though it’s been. My daddy’s here. That’s all that matters.