[private] Jord

[Akkadian]

All the sharp words. Had she always talked so much? Getting ripped from their homeland had changed them both in different ways. He grew harder, colder. He was no longer the mischievous little brother always trying to drag the so-serious prince into pranks and boy's games, loosen him up and practically force him into having fun. And she had become long-winded and emotional. Unstable.

She went on and on, retelling their recent past and noting that he'd always cared for her even when he hadn't been the brightest. His nostrils flared and his ears pulled back in annoyance. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Just because his most important duties had been to protect their brother didn't mean he was not also educated as a prince. She was still just a child misusing her words.

And then she was professing her love to him. All he could do was close his eyes and shake his head. He could feel walls closing in on him, squeezing him and smothering him. She wanted to lock him down, tame the unobtainable. She said she knew him more than he knew himself, so she should know he was not ready for that life. He was a warrior, a bodyguard, the worthless son with no other purpose. Not a mate, not a lover. Not even a friend.

No, Jord. No. I can't. He was direct, probably too harsh, but all he could hear was the deafening silence of this box she wanted him to fit in. He still shook his head, his eyes angry and bitter. They'd done this to him, created him and shaped him into this. He would not become something he was not. He would not waste the life they had given him.

He didn't want to hurt her. Gods, he didn't want to hurt her. And he was terrified she'd run yet again, and this time never come back. But he could also not pretend to be someone else, and that is what would happen if he were to conform to her wishes. She deserved better than a lie for a mate.

There was no letting her down easy. He would have to make her think it could never happen, would never happen. He'd not condemn her to wait-for-me promises of fools. For all he knew, he'd be dead tomorrow. A guardian's life was never promised.

Let this go. We will never be together. I am the guardian, and I will die the guardian. There is no room for love. His voice softened and he ducked his head in guilt and shame. He'd lose her forever now. There was no fixing it this time.

Just let it go. Let me go.