I'm not here to say I'm sorry; Leliana

[leliana]

I know what it is but I'm hoping that all is well
no harvest of green but it's still my heart to sell

She is not used to being unwanted, at least so openly. He doesn’t say it or even imply it, but she can feel it in the way he holds himself, the way he often looks everywhere but her face. She wonders if he feels discomfort simply because she is so close or because being near anybody was seen as less than ideal. For the first time in her entire life, Leliana wished that she could evaporate from the spot, turn inward until she could not find any piece of herself; she wished that she could just disappear right then and there.

Of course, she couldn’t, and she wasn’t about to make him feel guilty for his emotions, so she just made herself as small as possible, her wings wrapping around her barrel, and her head tucking to her chest.  At his question, she looked up through her thick lashes, amber eyes finding his and holding it for a second.

“I don’t know,” she said honestly, her pretty face lay bare. “I didn’t think that I used to, but now I am not so sure.” Her voice trailed off at the end of it as she contemplated the open wound in her chest, the way the past few days had opened it so viciously, leaving it vulnerable to the sun and salt and air. She thought about the way Dovev’s touches had felt like a secret; the way he had stolen her away and they had slept next to one another in his cave, the warmth of his embrace both foreign and forbidden and perfect.

She thought about the way the gold and white stallion had found them, spat the truths out.

How she had discovered he had someone else. Of course he had.

These were not her secrets, but they still felt like them, stones placed carefully in her chest. When she found his eyes again, their were bruises in her eyes, and her mouth was pressed together. “Do you think that intentions matter, Rhonen?” Her voice was soft, so quiet you could almost not hear it over the pounding of the rain. “If I did not intend to hurt someone, does that matter if they were hurt?”

I put everything I had into something that didn't grow
like going on a wild hunt, shooting arrows without a bow