i don't have a choice, but i'd still choose you. || magnus

[magnus]

She had been avoiding him. At first, it had been irritating—frustrating, infuriating even. He had seen the faintest glimmer of her coat in the distance, the sheen of her, always moving away, always orbiting in the opposite direction. He hadn't understood why she was so purposefully ejecting him from her life, why her face was so guarded, why she was removing him with such surgical precision. It had been something under his skin that he could not scratch, a vexation that he couldn’t fathom. Old rage ate away at him.

But then, as suddenly as the sun rising along the horizon, she returned.

Her skin touched his, brushed against him casually, but she was reined in, her eyes inscrutable, and her voice carefully light. That flame burst forth in his belly again as he curled around, his mouth claiming the edge of her jaw, teeth pinching the flesh there lightly. “Ellyse,” he murmured, discontentment simmering in his blood even as he curled and then drew her into the scarred angles of his body. “You’ve decided to deign me with your presence again.” Teasing melded with tension, coiling around his dark desire.

For another second, he traced the angles of her beautiful, pale face, lips roving, pushing her forelock to the side so he could look at her hazel eyes—the one his children carried. He held them, studied them, his own gaze an unveiled mask of emotion, before he turned it off, taking the turbulence and locking it away deep within him. His face went carefully neutral, as he stepped to the side, their bodies still touching but the heat having dissipated. He wouldn’t force himself on her; he wouldn’t force her to be touched by him.

“I’ve been visiting kingdoms and cultivating friendships, but not formal alliances.” His whiskey voice was steady, but cool. “We have more residents than fighters, but we should offer training to those who are interested. As Head of War, I trust your judgment to do as you see fit with them.” He met her gaze again, but this time it was different; this time, his gold-flecked eyes did not spark and sizzle with unspoken emotions. This time they just regarded her as colleagues. “Is there anything else you need from me?”

out of the blue out into the loneliest place that you'll ever know
I carried the world just as far as I could but the damage had taken its toll