without you there are holes in my soul; dahmer

[leliana]

I waited for something and something died
so I waited for nothing and nothing arrived

Seeing Dahmer angry is something completely different than what she is used to with him, and she is almost unsure of how to handle it. She took a steadying breath, but just shook her head, the crimson of her mane curling against her jaw. It wasn’t the right question—there was no answer. It wasn’t just a who, it was a what. It was everything that had happened to her in the past year; it was the way she had been consumed by what she had thought was love. But was love this painful? Did love take everything from you and then give nothing in return? Was love this demanding, this selfish, this excruciating?

She had no barometer.

She had no loving parents to learn from, no older role models to guide her behavior. She simply had the love of Exist, the selfless and eternal love of her twin, and that was nothing like this. Exist was loyal, she was kind, she gave a love that was unconditional. So why was her love for Dovev so different?

These were the questions that crushed her, that stopped up her throat, but she didn’t know how to form them, to ask him. To ask him why she was so little to the man who had collided with her life and then stripped away everything from her. To ask why she was so expendable, so replaceable.

Instead she just shook again, the frown creasing her brow, her heart pounding in her chest. “It doesn’t matter,” she finally managed, her foggy voice thick in her mouth. Who would she even say? That it was Zoryn? He was technically the stallion who had taken teeth to her flesh, who had ripped it open. That was truth, but not wholly—because the truth was that the reason she bore these scars was not him. She could say it was Dovev because he was the one who had brought Zoryn into her life, but even that was not true.

She was the reason for all of this.

There was no one to blame except her foolish, greedy heart.

it's our dearest ally, it's our closest friend
it's our darkest blackout, it's our final end