without you there are holes in my soul; dahmer

[leliana]

I waited for something and something died
so I waited for nothing and nothing arrived

He steps to her and for a moment—a fleeting moment—she almost collapses against him, she almost lets the tears come once more. But she doesn’t. She remains upright, swallowing back the ache that is now a pit in the center of her belly, painful and solid. Perhaps she would never heal from this. Perhaps she was never meant to. Perhaps this it her lot in life—this die that has been cast and found her wanting.

Still, she cannot help but close the distance between them, and the velvet of her nose finds the strong arch of his jaw. She breathes him in and closes her eyes, steadying herself upon his reassuring presence.

“Just stay,” she finally whispers, taking a step to him and then another until her chest is against his and her head is laid across the strong expanse of his back. She had stood like this, another time, another day, with Dovev. She had felt his heart thundering against her own—felt the cool curve of his bone armor press into her. Wondered at the newness of emotion blossoming in her chest. It felt like ages ago.

Another tear falls down her cheek but she ignores it, instead focusing on the feel of him, the sturdiness of him against her. Her knees will not buckle, but if they did—were she to falter, he was strong. There was something reassuring about that, something steadying about having someone like him next to her.

“I don’t know what to do anymore,” she confesses into her flesh, because it is easier to talk when she is not staring into the icy blue of his eyes, when she does not have to stand beneath his gaze.

“Perhaps I never did.”

it's our dearest ally, it's our closest friend
it's our darkest blackout, it's our final end