03-14-2017, 09:59 AM
God, what was she doing? Her heart hammered away in her chest, pounding hard enough to drive nails into flesh, and all she wanted in the world was to melt into Dov. To lose herself in the feeling of his lips, his tongue, his touch, to open herself to his terrifying, gentle invasion and just...let go. Take him in, not just into her body (though heaven knew she wanted that too, was desperate to feel him sinking slowly into her, filling her, taking her over,god, please, I need you) but into her heart. When did it get so easy to get lost in a sea of endless, infinite black? For a moment, she tried, staring into his eyes and letting hers say the words she couldn’t, words she shouldn’t, words she shouldn’t want to say.
Love me.
The way no one ever should, the way she’d known in her bones from the very beginning that no one ever could. Don’t want what you can’t have, how many times had she told herself when she was so very small and so very alone, watching her mother cling and pine and give herself away for a glance from her father. Watching her father throw scraps of affection, a touch, a taste, just enough to keep her wanting. To her mother, Dizzy had only ever been a piece of her father. To her father, Dizzy had been less than nothing. No great power, nothing useful, just a tool he could maybe one day trade away for something better.
Love wasn’t meant for people like her.
But when Dov kissed her, so goddamn gently, for the first time Dizzy let herself hope, let herself want. For the first time, she gave into the fierce yearning that lit her up inside and drove her to say yes, even when she knew better. And god, she knew better.
He moaned her name, kissed her with a fervor she’d never known before, and she let herself believe that maybe she’d been wrong. Maybe she could be more than she’d let herself become, maybe she could be his. Maybe she already was.
Until he stopped, and he sighed, those infinite eyes slowly meeting hers. “I think that’s a promise you can’t keep.” It could have hurt, could have torn through her and shredded her fragile, aching heart if he hadn’t said it so softly, hadn’t kissed her nose with such quiet longing. She pressed her forehead against his, her eyes closing as she drew in a ragged breath, trembling as she let those words wash over her. Let the truth of them do its best to drown her. Let that barb straight to the heart clear her head.
“Maybe you’re right,” she whispered, even as she rubbed her cheek against his, even as her lips found the line of his jaw, mmm and that soft spot just behind it that she loved so much. “I should know better.” She lingered there, breathing in his intoxicating scent. She should. And she should stop, should be smart and pull away and definitely not rock her hips like that, definitely not grind herself against him, definitely not let out that pleading, hungry little whimper or let her tongue slip out to lave that spot behind his jaw, but she couldn’t seem to convince herself of that.
Please.
All she could do was meet his eyes, her own shining with raw, naked need for him. “Maybe I don’t have it in me,” she whispered, because if she’d said the words out loud they would have trembled and caught in her throat. “But I’d try. For this, I’d try.”
Love me.
The way no one ever should, the way she’d known in her bones from the very beginning that no one ever could. Don’t want what you can’t have, how many times had she told herself when she was so very small and so very alone, watching her mother cling and pine and give herself away for a glance from her father. Watching her father throw scraps of affection, a touch, a taste, just enough to keep her wanting. To her mother, Dizzy had only ever been a piece of her father. To her father, Dizzy had been less than nothing. No great power, nothing useful, just a tool he could maybe one day trade away for something better.
Love wasn’t meant for people like her.
But when Dov kissed her, so goddamn gently, for the first time Dizzy let herself hope, let herself want. For the first time, she gave into the fierce yearning that lit her up inside and drove her to say yes, even when she knew better. And god, she knew better.
He moaned her name, kissed her with a fervor she’d never known before, and she let herself believe that maybe she’d been wrong. Maybe she could be more than she’d let herself become, maybe she could be his. Maybe she already was.
Until he stopped, and he sighed, those infinite eyes slowly meeting hers. “I think that’s a promise you can’t keep.” It could have hurt, could have torn through her and shredded her fragile, aching heart if he hadn’t said it so softly, hadn’t kissed her nose with such quiet longing. She pressed her forehead against his, her eyes closing as she drew in a ragged breath, trembling as she let those words wash over her. Let the truth of them do its best to drown her. Let that barb straight to the heart clear her head.
“Maybe you’re right,” she whispered, even as she rubbed her cheek against his, even as her lips found the line of his jaw, mmm and that soft spot just behind it that she loved so much. “I should know better.” She lingered there, breathing in his intoxicating scent. She should. And she should stop, should be smart and pull away and definitely not rock her hips like that, definitely not grind herself against him, definitely not let out that pleading, hungry little whimper or let her tongue slip out to lave that spot behind his jaw, but she couldn’t seem to convince herself of that.
Please.
All she could do was meet his eyes, her own shining with raw, naked need for him. “Maybe I don’t have it in me,” she whispered, because if she’d said the words out loud they would have trembled and caught in her throat. “But I’d try. For this, I’d try.”