He wasn't really sure at which point a dream became reality, the moment when deep sleep slipped so slowly into a waking breath. Mmm, that breath.
Her scent was soaked deep into his skin, surrounding him with the intoxicating smell of her, the smell of them together. Their sex, their love-making. Fuck, and he should be spent. He should be exhausted. But he wasn't, not with her touching him again. He hadn't stuck around the last time; had slipped away as she slept. Didn't know what to expect. Definitely didn't know to expect those sweet touches, so gentle caresses, the sexy purr in her voice as she tried to rouse him from sleep. But maybe she was far more arousing than she'd meant to be, and it glittered in his dark eyes when he finally opened them.
He covered that amused little smirk on her face with his lips, buried it in a deeply sweet kiss as he fed from her heat, poured his own desire back into her. His mouth moved against hers, with hers, giving and taking as his body pressed into her, letting his tongue lightly tease at her lips, coax them further apart so he could slip inside and taste more of her. She obliged, of course, his Dizzy. He moaned his pleasure and stole more, gave more, savored the wet heat of her mouth, the sweet taste of her tongue against his. Stole more, gave more.
When they finally broke the kiss, she rested her forehead against his, pulled back just enough to meet his eyes and burned his own words into his mind. "Mine. You're mine, Dovev." He couldn't speak, could barely breathe as he only stared back at her. Nobody had ever claimed him before, not even Cerva. He was the one to do that. And these words from her felt so heavy, so meaningful, almost binding. Somehow he just knew she wouldn't say them if she didn't completely mean them in their entirety. She wanted him. All of him. The cruel and the kind, the vicious and the tender.
"And I'm yours."
But she wasn't done with her claim on him. "Mine," she said again, kissing the stars of his mouth. That was only the beginning though, he soon learned, as she explored more and more of him. She stoked the fire in him with every touch, wrote her name all over his body with every press of her lips. His pulse kicked up and he drank in the experience, focused on every little sensation she lit across his skin, and soon it was even harder to breathe. Harder to think.
"My Dovev," she sealed with a kiss to his solid chest, and their eyes met again, locked. The hazy black of his stare sharpened and he was captivated, enraptured. Couldn't look away as she moved just a little lower with another kiss, stole the air from his lungs. And lower still. His lips parted with his quiet, shallow breathing, his eyes bright, so bright. He didn't dare move, couldn't bear to break this spell as she so slowly continued even lower, and lower, until she reached exactly where she wanted, and put that delicious mouth to amazi-
Oh, fuck! Oh my god.
Fuuuck.
He gasped, closed his eyes as she had him struggling for air, felt his pulse thunder in his neck.
Ohhh, god yesss..
Fuck, fuck, fuck yes.
His head tipped back with a deep, keening, desperately needing moan. Goddamn, she was so- Ohh, god, fuck yes. Don't stop.
She had him begging for more -god, and more- with the wordless sounds he made, the ragged gasps and fevered moans. He could barely stand it anymore by the time she pleaded for him too, so perfectly breathless. "Dov, please." And maybe he'd never be able to deny that frantic look in her eyes, the urgent strain in her voice, the sound of an aching plea on her tongue that was as desperate and needing as he was. Not especially after she did that.
God, and he fucking loved it when she begged.
He threw her back and rolled on top of her, buried his face in her neck with wild kisses of lips and tongue and sharp little stinging nips as he immediately drove into her, forced himself through the barrier of her heat again and again. She always did like a little pain with her pleasure. His whole body rocked with the movements, threw his weight into fucking her, into claiming her more, claiming her for himself again, finding the deepest parts of her and working out those addicting moans of hers. And it was good, so goddamn good, and soon had him crying out into her skin before they collapsed into each other, bathed in the slick sweat of their love.
Fuck, she was incredible.
God, he could never get tired of this, could he.
Goddamn Diz.
She kissed his sweaty shoulder, gave a soft little laugh that tugged a crooked smile to his lips. Mmm, yeah it was fun being a distraction for her. He loved how the world disappeared, how every outside thought just dried up and withered away, every stress and worry. Every heartache. But maybe that was a little over with for now as she mentioned being pregnant -yeah, like he hadn't noticed, he thought with a smirk- talked about the timing of it. His smile slowly faded away, his face blanked again as he listened.
"I don't know if... I mean, with the timing, it could be Zor's, or it could be yours."
He swallowed, forced himself not to look away from her. His? No, of course it was Zor's. It was always Zor. Her and Zor. And then him, the sometimes afterthought. But always her and Zor. His chest felt heavier, tighter, and he made a conscious effort to breathe slow and steady. It wasn't his. He didn't have kids, only Atrani. God, and that didn't make his heart any lighter, did it? Look how that turned out. He didn't want his child to break her, to break him again too.
It was so hard to breathe, and not in the way they liked. Couldn't they just go back to the sex and forgetting the rest of the world? Maybe he should have left before she woke. Fuck, he didn't like thinking that. No, he didn't really mean that. Why the hell did this hurt so bad? "If you want to be a part of this baby's life, I'd like th--"
He blinked, his eyes refocused on her. God, what? She wanted him around for it? Him? What about Zor, where the hell was he? Had they had kids before? He didn't think so, had never heard anything about it, though it was surprising that they hadn't with how much they- whatever. So, their first kid then. Her and Zor's. No, their first child that could be his. Oh, fuck.
Wait.. Oh, god. Her first child.
And he finally focused on her instead of himself, the selfish bastard. Finally noted the nervous fumbling of her words, this woman who'd always been so sharp and brutal, so confident and abrasive. Now opened for him, and soft. Vulnerable. Worried? Afraid? God, he'd cracked and broken her open for himself, to lose himself in the secret parts of her, drown so blissfully in the deeper places of her soul, and maybe hadn't bothered in putting her back together again. Or considered that he even should.
She finished with a wince and suddenly his own needling thoughts and fretting dissolved. He shifted closer with eyes gone dark and deep, rose above her and eased her carefully to her back beneath him. He balanced his weight, settled comfortably on top of her. Because he needed it. Did the pressure make her feel safe too? He'd always been glued to Cerva's side, always always touching, and the lack of contact now seemed to drive him into a destructive madness. He needed to feel her. Needed her stability, the safety.
Dizzy.. he began softly, brushing his nose lightly against hers. He dipped his head to her neck, breathed into her, What about Zoryn, Dizzy, kissed her. What about Zor? Where was he? Didn't she want him, didn't she rather him at her side for this. He ignored the prick in his heart to think it, after everything they'd done. He didn't question that it meant something to her, he could see that it had. But did it mean enough. Did he destroy the life she'd made for herself, or did he only create a distraction, a side path to get temporarily lost in. And which answer did he even want?
So, what about Zor.
And what about him.
Damn, he should never have done this, should never have pushed at boundaries that disintegrated to show a completely different picture. This was never supposed to happen. He should back away, he should leave her alone. He should disappear. Maybe he would. He should, he should. Ok, he would.
God, if he could.
Just let her life return to normal, let her forget him again and lose herself in Zor. That's what she wanted, right? He was so very good at running, at disappearing. Could he even have a relationship, with his place in life? He belonged to someone else; their weapon, their tool. No, wait, she didn't mean for a relationship, only for him to be around with the kid. Ah hell, his head was spinning. Don't panic, don't panic. Just focus.
He pulled back, brushed his cheek with hers, met her eyes again and held them steadily. I have something... A job- he shrugged -that keeps me busy, keeps me away. Maybe it wouldn't always be that way, but he wouldn't make that promise. There was a time when he wouldn't give a fuck what the hell she was going through; let Zor deal with it, he wasn't a part of them. But damnit, after everything how could he not care? It was Zor's kid, not his. Zor's. But also Dizzy's, a tiny little Dizzy. And that was enough to matter to him.
But I'll come for you. His eyes traced her expression, memorized this moment with her. This moment that felt so damn terrifying and somehow painful. He'd come for her. If it's what she wanted. If it would help and not harm, for once. If he could do good and not destroy. Every chance I get, he promised. He felt so vulnerable, so afraid, needed the reassurance..
Tell me its what you want, and I'll do it.
At night the earth will rise
And I'll think of you each time I watch from distant skies
