He couldn't stop touching her. Why couldn't he stop touching her? It wasn't enough to be settled over her, weighted down and feeling her so solid and soft beneath him. No, he had to brush his mouth, his cheek against her, press his lips anywhere that wouldn't interrupt her. It wasn't enough. He had to breathe her like oxygen. He'd suffocate when they seperated. Drink it now and hold his breath.
It also turned out the perfect excuse to hide his face. He didn't have to at first. He was able to admire that soft glow she got when she mentioned the last time they were together, felt it spread and soften his face too as he traced the beautiful details of her face, barely holding himself back from kissing her more and breathing in that quiet affection.
Fortunately, he happened to lower to kiss her neck again just as she mentioned Zor. That he'd touched her, that he'd wanted, tried for more from her. It wasn't surprising, of course. That was who they were, what they did, was even expected. But knowing that truth had no effect on the possessive fire that ignited in his eyes, burning brightly, the tightening in his jaw and stiffening between his shoulders.
It lessened, just barely, when she said she couldn't follow through on it. But he still had to fight it back, take a few moments to batten it down and smother it as best he could before he was able to pull back to look at her again, met those eyes that had once infuriated him and now seemed so necessary to breathe at all anymore.
She groaned and pressed her forehead to his again, and that helped too, feeling more of her against him, her need to touch him too, grounding him and carefully tugging him away from the swift rage that always seemed to crawl just under the surface. And as she continued again, the distress in her voice making him hurt for her, he trailed more gentle affection over her, tried to press a calm into her and ease her tension. He'd never done that before; calmed someone. Most often he was one to make tempers flare and rational thoughts burn away.
He pulled back as she groaned again and apologized, and he shut her the hell up with a firm kiss that, somehow, he desperately needed just then. God, she tasted so good. He let her go and pressed their foreheads together again. He just... couldn't seem to stop touching her. Like he might drift away if she wasn't here to hold him down with her.
She seemed to relax when they talked about... Well, the future, sort of. Though, that was an unsettling way to think of it. Heavy and more than a little scary. But that possessive blaze finally died out completely as she gently brushed his hair from his eyes and kissed his cheek. He closed his eyes and the tension in him released, slowly melted away.
It was stupid, foolish, and completely annoying that it bothered him how easily she would let him go to do his own thing, this bond with his magician. Because it wasn't who he'd been before, it wasn't him being a constant presence at Cerva's side, glued to her hip and living every single moment with her. The way he perhaps wanted to be again, maybe even needed. And he knew it wasn't fair to compare them to his relationship with Cerva. She had Zoryn. Would always have Zoryn. There was a promise he still wasn't sure she could keep.
Maybe she didn't understand how he was when he was really with someone. Maybe she didn't want that. He was possessive, he was controlling. He was jealous and raging.
He should keep it to himself. He shouldn't look for a way to really seal this with her, to tie her to him so firmly. Did either of them really want that? This should be enough. He should just let this be enough. He would have her when he could, give her himself when he could. That could be enough, couldn't it? Just leave it alone. Just take what he could get. Don't ask for more, don't want more. Maybe he should want less, even. Yes, he should want less. What the hell even was this? No, it doesn't matter.
"Just keep coming home to me, okay? That's all I need. That's what I want, Dov. You, with me, whenever you can be."
He swallowed his doubts and opened his eyes, stared into hers that made him feel so connected and secure, so.. so... He couldn't even think the word. Too frightening. Too strong. But home sounded nice. Home with her. Him, with her, whenever they could. He nodded slowly, solemnly. That was a promise he could keep. This gaping, aching, swelling emotion in him would agree. He wouldn't name it, couldn't name it. But maybe home was exactly where she was.
Okay, Dizzy, he answered quietly, his chest tight but breathing so steady and calm. Then I'll come for you. Every moment that I can. God, and he would. He'd need oxygen, wouldn't he. He'd suffocate without her. He almost felt like he was suffocating now, even. Already. One more thing first, even if it sucked to say it, to think about it, and then maybe she could breathe into him again, fill him to last through their time apart. You'll find him. You'll be able to fix things and make him happy again. And I'll be back regardless.
Do those things.. but not yet. Not now.
He needed her first.
He leaned down and kissed her, met her lips gently with his. Tasted her, savored her, filled himself with the feel of it. Then he deepened it, slow and sensual and right. In a fluid movement, like a soft caress through warm, smooth water, he shifted them again, rolled carefully beneath her. Met her eyes with his heart in his, afraid to breathe, afraid to speak.
Love me.
Cheers to the end, the bittersweet
You have my dreams and all of me
