05-03-2017, 04:54 PM
do something about it
He feels like such a fool. Such a selfish, need-driven, lustful fool. He brought this all on himself, and now, he stands to lose all he's ever had. His words spill from his mouth freely, dragged from the deepest part of him. Even after he'd spoken, they ring out in his head over and over and over with the truth of them. His need for her and the life growing within her far outweigh his desire for her luscious body beneath his. As the tear travels down his face, and he fights the beast inside hissing the word 'weak', all the fire from moments ago slowly dies. This new pain and fear run through him like a cool river, washing away the burn. Such a fool. His efforts of seducing her are futile, even as she'd slowly began to soften under his touch. He could do it; love her slow and easy, fill her and bring her to the edge. He knows it. But now, he must contend with the other in her life. The other he'd put there. His choice. His doing.
Fucking stupid fool.
His throat tightens more as he battles back more tears from falling, squeezing his eyes shut and pressing his face further against her breast when she envelops him. His chest aches, clenching against his racing heart, against her soft murmuring that it will be alright. She kisses the damned salty-wet bead of weakness from his cheek and he shakes his head, moving to clutch her tighter to him as a ragged breath drags from him. He just couldn't lose her, he can't.
Like a foolish child, he clutches her, ears absorbing every word from her about never leaving. Family, that's what they are, and she says she will always be here. She pulls him closer and he adjusts so they are chest to chest, wrapped together as tightly as two equines could be. He hates himself in this moment, hates the way he almost asks her to promise, because for once he isn't so sure anymore. He hates the warring of fear and anger inside him, resentment and rage. All things there because of him. Because he'd been too young and greedy to realize the depth of what he'd had all along.
Maybe- Maybe it isn't as bad as he thinks. Maybe the damage isn't so great. He would have Diz forever. She would never leave him. She would be here with him always, just as she said. Zor relaxed his hold on her as she sighs into his shoulder, breath warm against his skin. Maybe things could be alright. Maybe he hasn't totally fucked up. He nuzzles his face against her, trying to savor the moment and let things go. Then, she opens her mouth.
"But it's not just you and me anymore, baby. Our family's bigger now. This baby's coming soon, and.." Of course. In response, his heart leaps, and he moves to caress her belly. Precious little bundle. Theirs, he thinks. Then.. "I don’t even know what to tell my kid to call you, Zor. Its uncle, its...its dad, I don’t know. What you want to be to it." He pulls back from her, brows nudged together. A solid look of sincerity snaps into his eyes as he bores his gaze into hers.
"I will be whatever our kid needs."
His voice is low, blunt. He is about to lower his head to her again, but she continues. Speaks of Dovev. The beast in him jerks his head up and growls, baring its sharp pointed teeth. Her voice holds affection for the other man as she insists to him that he does fit in. That Dov is a part of her family. That.. she loves him. And he could be the father.
Just like that, everything within him plummets and spirals downward. All his fault. All thanks to him. Visions flash to the forefront of his mind. Their bodies mingling, their blood and sweat and flesh blending together. So delicious, it'd been. Now he clenches his eyes and shakes his head to clear it. His nose wrinkles, his face tightening and eyes flashing. His head rises indignantly as she says he is to choose whether Dovev is to be a part of his life. Because he will be part of hers. But so will Zoryn. And so, what? He is to share her? Seriously? The beast in him snarls and hisses, spitting as it lurches into motion in his mind, quick and then slowly pacing the confines of its cage. He feels it building. The red-hot coals of anger and, with it, the need. To hurt and be hurt. But he works to tamp it down. She isn't finished speaking, and even if he is inching closer and closer to leaving, he will wait to hear her out.
"For this baby’s sake, I need us to figure our shit out. Before it gets here. Because life’s gonna be hard enough for it without...god, Zor, we have to do better for it, I have to do better for this kid, have to set a better example for it than our parents did for us. I don’t know how to do that when I don’t even know what better’s supposed to look like, but I think we’ve got to talk things out. Even if it’s hard. Even if we’d rather not, even if we’re no good at it. Can you talk to me, baby?"
Talk? Talk about what? His ears twitch, as do random muscles over his neck and back. He doesn't want to hear more about how he must share her- share the precious- with him. Even though he was the one to start it all. Zoryn. Him. It wasn't supposed to be this way. None of it. Never did he hate himself more. But she was right. They need to get past this.. shit, as she'd called it. So, he quieted his mind. If only for a time. She was right about more than that, too.
"This kid will have better. Whatever better is. He or she will have us. Both of us." He sighs then, peering off into the distance- into the forest around them. "It will know family. A family who loves it. We aren't perfect. Probably never will be. But we will be here like they weren't for us. Our story won't be theirs. Maybe that in itself, is better."
Fucking stupid fool.
His throat tightens more as he battles back more tears from falling, squeezing his eyes shut and pressing his face further against her breast when she envelops him. His chest aches, clenching against his racing heart, against her soft murmuring that it will be alright. She kisses the damned salty-wet bead of weakness from his cheek and he shakes his head, moving to clutch her tighter to him as a ragged breath drags from him. He just couldn't lose her, he can't.
Like a foolish child, he clutches her, ears absorbing every word from her about never leaving. Family, that's what they are, and she says she will always be here. She pulls him closer and he adjusts so they are chest to chest, wrapped together as tightly as two equines could be. He hates himself in this moment, hates the way he almost asks her to promise, because for once he isn't so sure anymore. He hates the warring of fear and anger inside him, resentment and rage. All things there because of him. Because he'd been too young and greedy to realize the depth of what he'd had all along.
Maybe- Maybe it isn't as bad as he thinks. Maybe the damage isn't so great. He would have Diz forever. She would never leave him. She would be here with him always, just as she said. Zor relaxed his hold on her as she sighs into his shoulder, breath warm against his skin. Maybe things could be alright. Maybe he hasn't totally fucked up. He nuzzles his face against her, trying to savor the moment and let things go. Then, she opens her mouth.
"But it's not just you and me anymore, baby. Our family's bigger now. This baby's coming soon, and.." Of course. In response, his heart leaps, and he moves to caress her belly. Precious little bundle. Theirs, he thinks. Then.. "I don’t even know what to tell my kid to call you, Zor. Its uncle, its...its dad, I don’t know. What you want to be to it." He pulls back from her, brows nudged together. A solid look of sincerity snaps into his eyes as he bores his gaze into hers.
"I will be whatever our kid needs."
His voice is low, blunt. He is about to lower his head to her again, but she continues. Speaks of Dovev. The beast in him jerks his head up and growls, baring its sharp pointed teeth. Her voice holds affection for the other man as she insists to him that he does fit in. That Dov is a part of her family. That.. she loves him. And he could be the father.
Just like that, everything within him plummets and spirals downward. All his fault. All thanks to him. Visions flash to the forefront of his mind. Their bodies mingling, their blood and sweat and flesh blending together. So delicious, it'd been. Now he clenches his eyes and shakes his head to clear it. His nose wrinkles, his face tightening and eyes flashing. His head rises indignantly as she says he is to choose whether Dovev is to be a part of his life. Because he will be part of hers. But so will Zoryn. And so, what? He is to share her? Seriously? The beast in him snarls and hisses, spitting as it lurches into motion in his mind, quick and then slowly pacing the confines of its cage. He feels it building. The red-hot coals of anger and, with it, the need. To hurt and be hurt. But he works to tamp it down. She isn't finished speaking, and even if he is inching closer and closer to leaving, he will wait to hear her out.
"For this baby’s sake, I need us to figure our shit out. Before it gets here. Because life’s gonna be hard enough for it without...god, Zor, we have to do better for it, I have to do better for this kid, have to set a better example for it than our parents did for us. I don’t know how to do that when I don’t even know what better’s supposed to look like, but I think we’ve got to talk things out. Even if it’s hard. Even if we’d rather not, even if we’re no good at it. Can you talk to me, baby?"
Talk? Talk about what? His ears twitch, as do random muscles over his neck and back. He doesn't want to hear more about how he must share her- share the precious- with him. Even though he was the one to start it all. Zoryn. Him. It wasn't supposed to be this way. None of it. Never did he hate himself more. But she was right. They need to get past this.. shit, as she'd called it. So, he quieted his mind. If only for a time. She was right about more than that, too.
"This kid will have better. Whatever better is. He or she will have us. Both of us." He sighs then, peering off into the distance- into the forest around them. "It will know family. A family who loves it. We aren't perfect. Probably never will be. But we will be here like they weren't for us. Our story won't be theirs. Maybe that in itself, is better."
