05-26-2017, 10:33 AM
kharon
His eyes felt heavy. Or, at least, it was really, really hard to lift them from the ground. He must have thought through the movement ten times before he could finally spare just a glance up at Father. He wasn't happy. He didn't look pissed, so that was good, but he definitely wasn't his usual charm and winning smile. And when he took a deep breath, Kharon knew this was definitely a serious talk. Ah, man. And suddenly he couldn’t seem to meet Father’s eyes anymore, and he pretty much looked anywhere else at all.
He blushed immediately as soon as Kylin was brought up and his feathers ruffled nervously. Yeah, he’d definitely been caught staring a little too hard at her. But he couldn’t help it. She was so beautiful, and it wasn’t like there were a whole lot of options. Oh, that sounded terrible. Really, though, she was the best-looking thing around their island home. And… it felt good to do more than just look. At least he had only been looking when Father found him, right? At least that was usually the only thing he did.
”Thing is, son. Kylin isn’t the right person to explore those feelings with…” Kharon felt a flutter of frustration, because, yeah, he wanted to explore those feelings. That was natural, right? It wasn’t bad. It felt good. She felt good. But if not her, then who? Why not her? So what if she was his sister, it wasn’t like he was going to make her have kids or anything. She looked so damn good. And she wanted him. She wanted his attention. It should be okay if she wants it too, right?
And then Dad asked another question, and it dropped so heavily on his little inner ranting and silenced him.
”Is looking all you’ve done with Ky?”
He set his eyes firmly at his feet as his heart sank. He didn't want to answer that. He didn’t want to lie to Father, but he didn’t want to upset him either. He needed to always have his love, and what if he wouldn’t love him anymore if he knew? Of course, Dad said he would, that it wouldn’t change anything, but he couldn’t let go of the sharp fear holding his tongue captive. So, he started nodding. Yes, only looking. He had only looked. Nothing else. He only looked at her.
But the guilt hurt so bad too, weighed so very heavily on his spine and pushed a tear to his eye. He didn’t want to lie to him. He couldn’t. So, he swallowed and his nodding slowed. Slowed. Then stopped. He closed his eyes and shook his head once.
No. He’d done more than just look.
And what was worse, he wanted a lot more than that.
He thought about doing so much more than that.
”I kissed her,” he said to his feet after a long pause. It had been so brief, so light. But he’d wanted more. And he had taken a little more, too. He’d felt the soft of her creamy skin under the brush of his lips down her neck. She hadn’t been afraid like he thought she would be. She’d welcomed it. She wanted more too. Didn’t that make it okay somehow? ”She liked it, too,” he said quietly, hoping that made it better some how. Made it alright. He just needed everything to be alright. He needed his dad.
”She wants to be with me. Doesn’t that make it okay?” he asked, his hopeful eyes finally lifting. ”Isn't it right if we both want it?”
And if it was wrong, would he listen.
He blushed immediately as soon as Kylin was brought up and his feathers ruffled nervously. Yeah, he’d definitely been caught staring a little too hard at her. But he couldn’t help it. She was so beautiful, and it wasn’t like there were a whole lot of options. Oh, that sounded terrible. Really, though, she was the best-looking thing around their island home. And… it felt good to do more than just look. At least he had only been looking when Father found him, right? At least that was usually the only thing he did.
”Thing is, son. Kylin isn’t the right person to explore those feelings with…” Kharon felt a flutter of frustration, because, yeah, he wanted to explore those feelings. That was natural, right? It wasn’t bad. It felt good. She felt good. But if not her, then who? Why not her? So what if she was his sister, it wasn’t like he was going to make her have kids or anything. She looked so damn good. And she wanted him. She wanted his attention. It should be okay if she wants it too, right?
And then Dad asked another question, and it dropped so heavily on his little inner ranting and silenced him.
”Is looking all you’ve done with Ky?”
He set his eyes firmly at his feet as his heart sank. He didn't want to answer that. He didn’t want to lie to Father, but he didn’t want to upset him either. He needed to always have his love, and what if he wouldn’t love him anymore if he knew? Of course, Dad said he would, that it wouldn’t change anything, but he couldn’t let go of the sharp fear holding his tongue captive. So, he started nodding. Yes, only looking. He had only looked. Nothing else. He only looked at her.
But the guilt hurt so bad too, weighed so very heavily on his spine and pushed a tear to his eye. He didn’t want to lie to him. He couldn’t. So, he swallowed and his nodding slowed. Slowed. Then stopped. He closed his eyes and shook his head once.
No. He’d done more than just look.
And what was worse, he wanted a lot more than that.
He thought about doing so much more than that.
”I kissed her,” he said to his feet after a long pause. It had been so brief, so light. But he’d wanted more. And he had taken a little more, too. He’d felt the soft of her creamy skin under the brush of his lips down her neck. She hadn’t been afraid like he thought she would be. She’d welcomed it. She wanted more too. Didn’t that make it okay somehow? ”She liked it, too,” he said quietly, hoping that made it better some how. Made it alright. He just needed everything to be alright. He needed his dad.
”She wants to be with me. Doesn’t that make it okay?” he asked, his hopeful eyes finally lifting. ”Isn't it right if we both want it?”
And if it was wrong, would he listen.