06-07-2017, 12:42 PM
It had been so long since he'd lost them, at least a year now, and yet tonight he was feeling it all over again as it scraped through his heart. More than that, he was feeling the loss of all the children he wouldn't have, the potential lives he could have, should have been able to bring to reality. Teach them the way of loving so fiercely, so completely, and show them a stable family unit. Something they could look up to and hope to gain for themselves one day.
Since they first came to the Taiga, that seemed to be his purpose; to fill it to the brim with love and family, adopting orphans and raising them as his own. He'd been the heart of the Taiga. Maybe he still was. Something more than just that alone now.
Being a good father was still a driving force, something he focused on and buried himself in. That was why it was so hard just then, curled around this little filly made of glass, so hard to listen and witness all the new precious lives being born. And knowing none of them would be his. Maybe ever again. He didn't wonder if someone would want to be with him one day, but he did wonder if he could ever want anyone else. Even now, he still felt married to her. Even a year later and insisting on not seeing her again.
"Ruan? What has happened? What has caused you to grieve like this?"
Aten. The young man he'd almost felt as if he'd adopted in some way, though he was far old enough to be on his own and make his own decisions. Maybe it was the loss of his only son that drew him to the boy, a son that would probably be the same age. Grown. And on his own. Old enough to decide his father and sisters weren't worth his time.
That was such a dark way of thinking though. And it probably wasn't even true, but he couldn't help but feel the sting of it regardless. Because what if it was true? The only evidence he had of anything was the sudden and continued absence, the lack of contact between brother and sisters.
He sighed, sobering and brushing his damp cheek against his arm. It's nothing, he wanted to say, but it wasn't nothing, was it? "I'll be alright," he said instead, soft and quiet, not yet meeting Aten's eyes as they lay firmly glued to the little girl pressed into him. His black nose dipped down, hot breath fogging against the supernatural glass of her teal skin, tucking her in closer as she slept soundly.
"This is Polaris," he offered quietly, careful not to wake her and uncurling enough so that Aten could see her. "I found her abandoned in the forest and brought her home. I almost thought she wasn't real at first, a statue perhaps. I've never seen anything like her." But there she was, alive and breathing, tinkling and chiming when she would walk at his side like a soft little windchime. Polaris, he'd named her. Like the North Star, the true star, guiding him through the darkness with the cracks and nicks of constellations in her glass. Each trip or stumble seemed to add another to her, but she was far more graceful now and hadn't gained many more than when he'd first found her.
"Tell me about your family, Aten?" Somehow he knew Aten had one, somewhere. Not here in the Taiga with him, but somewhere he must have at least someone.
Since they first came to the Taiga, that seemed to be his purpose; to fill it to the brim with love and family, adopting orphans and raising them as his own. He'd been the heart of the Taiga. Maybe he still was. Something more than just that alone now.
Being a good father was still a driving force, something he focused on and buried himself in. That was why it was so hard just then, curled around this little filly made of glass, so hard to listen and witness all the new precious lives being born. And knowing none of them would be his. Maybe ever again. He didn't wonder if someone would want to be with him one day, but he did wonder if he could ever want anyone else. Even now, he still felt married to her. Even a year later and insisting on not seeing her again.
"Ruan? What has happened? What has caused you to grieve like this?"
Aten. The young man he'd almost felt as if he'd adopted in some way, though he was far old enough to be on his own and make his own decisions. Maybe it was the loss of his only son that drew him to the boy, a son that would probably be the same age. Grown. And on his own. Old enough to decide his father and sisters weren't worth his time.
That was such a dark way of thinking though. And it probably wasn't even true, but he couldn't help but feel the sting of it regardless. Because what if it was true? The only evidence he had of anything was the sudden and continued absence, the lack of contact between brother and sisters.
He sighed, sobering and brushing his damp cheek against his arm. It's nothing, he wanted to say, but it wasn't nothing, was it? "I'll be alright," he said instead, soft and quiet, not yet meeting Aten's eyes as they lay firmly glued to the little girl pressed into him. His black nose dipped down, hot breath fogging against the supernatural glass of her teal skin, tucking her in closer as she slept soundly.
"This is Polaris," he offered quietly, careful not to wake her and uncurling enough so that Aten could see her. "I found her abandoned in the forest and brought her home. I almost thought she wasn't real at first, a statue perhaps. I've never seen anything like her." But there she was, alive and breathing, tinkling and chiming when she would walk at his side like a soft little windchime. Polaris, he'd named her. Like the North Star, the true star, guiding him through the darkness with the cracks and nicks of constellations in her glass. Each trip or stumble seemed to add another to her, but she was far more graceful now and hadn't gained many more than when he'd first found her.
"Tell me about your family, Aten?" Somehow he knew Aten had one, somewhere. Not here in the Taiga with him, but somewhere he must have at least someone.
ooc: lol that's ok! yes, he has a little foal and she is literally made of glass so that's probably why it was so confusing xD I hope this cleared it up a little! Also, sorry for the wait! I had to go out of town for family things!
