Oh look, a quest! Round one (now with results!)

[Erebor]

We are at war. There will be scars.

One moment he is in the Chamber, and the next he is not. Years of training keep him from instant panic, but he is instantly wary.

The first thing he notices is silence and stillness, and he follows the first rule of self-preservation by doing exactly as everything around him is doing: being silent and still too. Barely moving, barely breathing, he looks around. He is surprised to find himself recognizing the things stuffed in here. They've been rather rudely piled atop one another, as though thrown together in a hurry. He is resting on the top of the pile, lying on his right side, his legs tucked but not tightly. His left foreleg touches something that feels smooth like ice, but almost warm. His right shoulder presses into something soft and fluffy; looking up, he can just make out the head of a teddy bear rather far above him. Looking down toward his legs, he can see two identical dolls, one wearing a fluffy pink dress and one wearing a fluffy blue dress. He's just about to scrutinize where exactly "here" is when he feels something moving beneath him, and he scrambles up to stand mostly on the teddy bear.

As it turns out, he'd been sitting on an alicorn (a unicorn-pegasus), and had apparently woken him/her up in the process of said sitting. The creature is mostly white, but looks a little the worse for wear – and most unfortunately, one of his/her wings is broken off. Nothing else major seems to be chipped or broken, he notes as the creature draws itself up to its full height and looks at him. Female, he notes. And taller than he.

She doesn't speak at first, tilting her head to look at him curiously. He wonders for just a moment whether she can speak. "Hello, miss." he greets, and is astonished that the voice that comes out isn't his. He's always had a deep voice, a handsome voice, but this voice sounds…well, like a whiny child's voice. With a strange accent that makes it seem as though he's a very posh, almost pompous little weanling. He doesn't know the name of it, but the accent he's acquired is roughly British. He's become some weird mashup of the hero of every romance novel and a bratty boy-child.

But if his voice is strange the alicorn doesn't seem to notice. "Hello." she returns, her voice soft and tentative. She doesn't seem worried about him so much as unsure what to think. "Do you know where we are?" he asks, gently, his accented voice sounding both handsome and childish all at once. "Nerissa's toybox." comes the quiet reply. This time, there is definitely fear in her voice – but it doesn't seem to have anything to do with him. He gives her a smile, and is pleased to see that she returns it, although much more tentatively. He's about to speak again, but then, like a ghost in the mists, the two dolls he'd glimpsed earlier rise up behind her, mirroring each others' movements exactly.

And grinning in absolutely terrifyingly diabolical fashion.

Without thinking, he throws himself into the alicorn, pushing her aside so that she will be out of harm's way. These two dolls are bigger than he, towering above him, and they look quite horrifying. They're like a thing of nightmares, with matted hair and Cheshire-cat grins, but they don't seem to have anything beyond their hands to really cause harm.

As it turns out, those hands are more than enough, as they reach out to grab him and he sees clearly that they'd be able to pull him apart if they wished. And so, without hesitation, when the hand reaches out he bites it. Hard. It's the hand of the doll in blue, and he manages to actually take a chunk out of the hand – it comes out right in his mouth and it's a credit to his battle instincts that he spits it out without a second thought. All that's left on the blue doll's right hand is the ring finger and the pinky finger, so that hand isn't much of a threat. There are still three other hands in play though.

While he's been keeping blue occupied, pink has been trying to circle around toward his alicorn friend, who is cowering on a corner of the teddy bear's rather ample stomach paralyzed with fear, shrinking slowly back into the corner as far as she can go. Clearly, these are at least part of what she's afraid of. He jumps in front of her again, blocking pink's access with unhesitating fierceness. "Try someone your own size!" he says strongly. Unfortunately, the line loses some of its punch given that a) the alicorn is actually taller than him, and therefore more the doll's own size than he is and b) he says it with his strangely more childish voice, with its strange British accent.

But regardless, the doll utters a wordless cry of terror and rushes at him. At least this one doesn't seem to have much of a brain, and simply barrels into him full force. He takes the blow easily enough, stuttering back into the softness of teddy's stomach for just a moment, registering faint movement but chalking it up to him hitting the surface. He sinks into the softness for a moment before using it as a springboard to push himself and the doll backwards. Her mask-face registers surprise before she lands on her back, Erebor on top of her. After a momentary scuffle the boy manages to struggle to his feet and stand, terribly heroically, right on top of the doll. She might be bigger than him, but she isn't big enough that she can push him off. Her face is a snarl, and she growls at him wordlessly.

It is then, standing above her, looking at her, that he really notices his own forelegs.

They're red, a deep red like wine, or like blood. And they don't quite seem to have hair, per se; they're entirely smooth, with an area carved out to indicate a hoof. He registers it, but he also has more important problems right now, like the fact that Blue is trying to reach out and grab his face as he stands over her. Reacting purely on instinct, he rears back and plunges his hooves down with all the force he can muster, hoping they land somewhere near Blue's head. He gets lucky (it helps that his hooves are a little larger in this strange new form) and Blue's head lolls to the side. She is clearly unconscious – at the least.

But during all this time he's been neglecting Pink, and she seems none too happy that her partner in crime has been felled. She's charging at him madly – and then, a blur shoots up from behind her like a cannonball, landing with impossible grace on her head. A loud "BANG!" sounds throughout the toybox, followed by a "SNIKT!", a "CLICK!" and a "THUMP!" as Pink falls to the ground, head almost touching Blue's.

And on the back of that head steps one of the strangest things that Erebor has ever seen. And considering recent events, that's saying much.

She's a human, a girl, with black hair pulled back into a ponytail. Atop her head sits a cowboy hat with a princess crown tucked where the brim meets the bond. She is wearing the traditional hakama and kimono of a samurai, richly embroidered in white and blue and red, but instead of the traditional stockings-and-sandals OR cowboy boots, she's wearing glass slippers. You'd never know it from the way she seems to move; she's got perfect balance and dexterity, and doesn't wobble when she walks at all, but they're definitely glass and they're definitely heels.

And then there's her weapon.

"What? Y'all starin' like ya ain't never seen no bladegun before." her voice is heavy with a southern drawl. Truthfully, he is staring, because he hasn't seen no bladegun before. It's a shotgun combined with a katana. The shotgun comes out of the handle, such that when it's flipped into place it snaps in right next to the blade, and looking through the sight is looking down the blade. But when it's flipped up it folds into the handle, segmenting itself into nothing more than a very sturdy hand-grip. "Tch." she says dismissively

And then, an ear shattering roar rips through the air. "WHY….YOU….WAKE…..?!" The voice is rough, gravelly, and terribly deep, as though a rock golem is speaking. And just as suddenly, the earth all around them starts moving, sending Erebor, the alicorn, and their new western-samurai-princess all tumbling.

"HO, PARDNER. WHOA THERE." the samurai woman is screaming over teddy's wordless roars. She's managed to use her hands to grab on to his fur and secure herself, at least somewhat. "EASY NOW BOY." she's not screaming then, so much as speaking very loudly, as though she's not sure she'll be heard otherwise. Erebor tries to position himself nearer to the alicorn as the teddy bear's stomach heaves and rolls underneath them. It's a rather similar effect to an earthquake, really: pitching and rolling and general chaos. Thankfully (or not), teddy's stomach is big enough that they can be rolled around as he moves without being straight up pitched off.

"Get closer to me! We'll brace each other!" Erebor calls to the alicorn, hoping his childish, British accented voice can be heard over the grunts and general chaotic noises of teddy. She follows his instructions, stumbling toward him as he stumbles toward her, and he throws himself against her, hoping against hope to stabilize her, if not both of them.

The teddy bear is thrashing wildly beneath them, bellowing mostly wordlessly, with nonsense thrown in every now and then about sleeping and waking and shrimp and "TEDDY….SMASH…PUNY…" Erebor looks upward to see that the samurai has fought her way up almost to teddy's head, and is sitting astride his neck, much like one might sit if trying to ride a teddy bear. It looks like she's still trying to soothe him, although it's not really getting anywhere.

Erebor and the alicorn aren't going to get up there with her, so he has to think of something to do down here. What can make a creature calm down, or at least change its mood from bad to good? Teddy doesn't seem to want to hurt them per se, he seems just cranky. He remembers something he'd seen during a visit to the field, how a mother had gently tickled a cranky foal and its attitude had turned around.

Worth a try, right? They're perfectly positioned for it, on teddy's belly and everything.

He lowers his lips and starts to wiggle them. He keeps the motion varied enough to (hopefully) produce a tickle rather than an irritation, but all he can really do is guess. The roaring in the background gets quieter, the stomach stops heaving, and then, all at once –

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" the giant teddy bear laughs uncontrollably and begins to writhe, even more than he was before. Erebor has to stop and stagger toward the alicorn again to give them any hope of staying standing. But when the fit of writhing giggles passes, teddy seems calm. Or at least, calm-er.

The samurai climbs down from her perch behind teddy's neck, eyeing the big bear somewhat warily. "That was good, quick thinking y'all had thar." she says, nodding to Erebor. "Y'all might make it 'round these parts yet." Erebor gently straightens himself up as the samurai approaches, making sure that the alicorn is able to find her footing too. They are still on teddy's stomach, and now Erebor is able to notice distinctly that teddy is breathing – he must have missed the soft rise-and-fall during the previous scuffles.

"Thank you madam." he nods to the samurai, his voice still very British. She snorts. "I saved your hide from the Dolls, y'all saved mine from teddy. Way I reckon, we're even." He dips his head to her, letting the matter drop. "My thanks, nonetheless." he pauses for just a moment, looking from the samurai to the alicorn. "Are you hurt?" when she nods her head no, he is satisfied, and looks back to put both of them in his eyeshot at the same time. "Well, that was quite the introduction." he is smiling, and he hopes it still has a similar effect with whatever his face looks like in this form. "I'm Erebor." The samurai slings her bladegun over her shoulder. "An' I'm Princess Stabby Shooty PrettyHat, but y'all can just call me Prin for short. The girl never does, but I sure do always wish she would."

Before Erebor can ask about "the girl" the alicorn finds her voice, although it's still quiet, wispy, mousy, shy. "I'm Samaine." she is looking at him, and seems to be blushing slightly. "Thank…thank you for saving me from that doll. It was very noble." she gives him a small smile, which he returns. "Any decent man would've done the same."

Prin snorts, drawing his attention fully back to her. She's got her arms crossed and is looking at him as though she's trying to peer right through him. "Why're y'all here? Not you Sam, I know you, but I mean y'all Erebor." He considers for a moment. "I'm not…entirely sure. I was in my home, which is nothing like this, and the next thing I know, I woke up here. Which…where is here?"

Prin snorts again. "This here is the gal's toybox." she gestures with one arm around to all the toys thrown haphazardly together. He notices then that she, unlike virtually every other toy, is undamaged. Teddy's ripped in several places with stuffing coming out. Sam is missing a wing. The two dolls were a mess even before they got themselves stomped and bladegunned. But Prin looks like she's relatively undamaged. "And if you're here, you're in for a wild ride. Most of the folks around here get pretty roughed up." She frowns a little bit then, showing signs of quieting for the first time since she'd come charging out. "I don't like it, but when the gal plays with us, we all ain't got no choice. An' in her mind, ol' Prin's always gotta win the fight and rough up the bad guy. And you're all bad guys."

He finally puts the pieces together, and realizes that he needs to get out of there, and fast. "She makes you fight each other." he states flatly. "That's horrible." Sam has been edging closer to him as they've been talking, and he looks to her. No wonder she's so skittish. "We shouldn't stay here, none of us. This is a toybox, is it not?" he asks, ever so properly British. "If it's a box, it has a lid. If we can just get up there, we can push it open and we can escape."

Prin is chewing on her lip, thinking. Sam is touching him gently with her nose. "I hope you're right. I'm willing to try, at least. I'd like to…not be here anymore." she looks at him, her delicate eyes meeting his. "I'd like to leave here…with you." But before he can respond, Prin butts into the conversation. "I don't know that it'll work, but I sure don't know that it won't. It's worth a try at the least."

He nods to Prin. "At least we can try. But…how can we get up there?" They might be on the top of the pile, but they're still a ways beneath the lid of the box – and not to mention, they need to get that lid open.

Teddy burps, shaking all of them as they stand on his stomach. He'd almost forgotten that they were sitting on a living being – it's easy to forget, what with how big he is. How they'd pitched and rolled when he'd been laughing as they tickled him.

Pitching and rolling. Pitching, and rolling. He looks to Prin sharply.

"Does teddy speak or understand us at all?" he asks her. Prin catches on immediately. "Near as we can reckon….well, no, not even a bit." She is quiet for a moment, thinking. "But he is the biggest an' strongest we got in here." Erebor would prefer not to use teddy against his will, but it's clear to the boy that the oversize plushie is their best option. And thankfully, they've got a way to agitate the creature without hurting it.

"Prin, do you know how to tickle?" he asks, his voice deadly serious. The cowgirl-samurai-princess nods. "I reckon I do." Then the once-black, currently wine red and navy blue and dark green boy turns to Sam. "Erebor…" her voice is soft and heavy with emotion, her eyes impossibly wide. It's painfully obvious that she's fallen into the stereotypical damsel role, fallen for the leading man, who is handsome despite being recently turned into an off-brand My Little Pony. "Stay close to me, we'll balance like we did last time. And then we'll get out of here." he gives her what he hopes is a reassuring smile. "It'll be all right." which, if he knew anything about tropes, he would know means that everything will, in fact, not be all right.

With a nod to Prin, he starts to tickle. He uses his mouth to gently frizz teddy's fluff, and sweeps his tail across teddy's withered fur for added effect. Prin is tickling too, with both her hands. Sam is pressed tightly to Erebor's side. And sure enough, after a little bit, they feel the telltale quaking. "HA HA HA HA" teddy laughs, rocking from side to side. "STOPPPPPPP!" he yells, but he's still laughing. He squirms, trying to get away from them, swatting at them with his hands, but he doesn't have the coordination to actually dislodge them – especially not when he's distracted by the tickling.

And so, for the most part, he just rocks back and forth, as anyone does when they're being tickled. He rocks, and he rocks, and he rocks –

And then the world is a jumble as the box falls over to the side, its lid flying open as toys of all kinds spill out. Prin grabs on to teddy's fur, using her hands to make sure she avoids being dislodged. Erebor tumbles off of teddy and loses contact with Sam. He stretches toward her as she yells his name – but like all good movies, they can't reconnect. They're pulled apart and Erebor lands shortly thereafter, tumbling a bit, but when he stands up he is unhurt.

He can't see Sam or Prin anywhere, but the lid is off the box. He's not a prisoner anymore.

Erebor

Native Prince of the Chamber

warship x straia

I hope this is an okay way to open the lid. If not, let me know and I'll re-write <3