He heard her confusion, heard her thoughts, too. Tried to ignore both. Okay, she said softly before slipping into their familiar silent speech again. He still stared out, not really seeing anything, his thoughts tangled and hurting. Are you okay? He hesitated. Then nodded shortly.
You can talk to me, if you want, she offered. I can't, he thought back. Everything suddenly felt so heavy, too much weight bearing down on him. A strange pain started in his back, a clutching grasp around his chest and squeezing. He wanted things he couldn't have, things he shouldn't want. Maybe he should go back and find Kylin. No, that felt painful too. Maybe he should just go off somewhere and be alone.
Maybe he should always be alone.
"We can walk toward the river, if... I mean, if that's what you want to do." It wasn't. It definitely wasn't. But he couldn't do the things he wanted. He couldn't lose his dad. Pain, sharp blades in his chest. His jaw clenched and his eyes were as bare and conflicted as he was. Vulnerable. He was the brother -brother- he wasn't meant to be vulnerable.
He swallowed and stood, his shoulders wilted and heavy, still staring out so far away from their island. Wishing things could be different. "Or we could go farther. Maybe there's another island out there that we haven't seen yet." He looked at her, expressionless. Like Mother. She'd wanted to go to the river, though. He should take her to the river.
But out there, it was tempting, and his gaze slid back to it, where the sky met the sea. Out there, where no one could find them. Where no one would see, no one had to know. Where he could be free to be himself. His grandfather. She probably didn't want it though, not like Kylin did. She didn't really understand. He clenched his teeth again, but knew he wanted to go anyway. "Let's go farther." And he started walking with his wings folded at his sides, trying to focus on the sun warming his damp skin from where he'd laid on the water with her.