Bound for trouble from the start
I've been walking through this old world in the dark
It’s hard for him to grasp the true consequences that their feelings might have on others. He has never had a child to care for, never had anyone to put before himself. He can’t imagine what his half siblings through her would feel (how strange, how uncomfortable). Nameless shadowed faces, they are easy to dismiss. Even if he did, would he even care? His feelings for her are stronger, stronger then what he feels for himself.
Her words are hesitant and he can feel his pulse slow as he holds his breath. There’s something in the air and he senses he’s not going to like what she’s going to say. She’s talking about some sort of colleague and his confusion is evident as he follows along with her. Until she says the word pregnant. For a moment there is a spark inside him, a sudden rush in his ears. Delight that is quickly squashed when he realizes she hadn’t finished her sentance. Not his.
His mouth is dry and he is still, saying nothing. He pulls back into himself, even the bear knows better then to erupt at this moment. He can’t hide his disappointment, his pain. But he tries, desperately. Solemn and stoic, unable to look into those beautiful hazel depths anymore. Of course, pregnant. He should have known, should have seen the signs. It’s not as if he had never seen a mare with child before. He had thought her slightly curvier, it makes sense.
For a split second he held a vision, the two of them and their unborn child. So much hope and possibility for the future. Quickly shattered in a matter of seconds.
He understands, understands that she had tried to find an escape to her pain. He doesn’t hate her for that, doesn’t blame her. ”Are you sure it’s not mine?” He asks quietly but deep down he knows that she couldn’t be showing this early when their night together hadn't been that long ago.
He wants to run, wants to flee. Wants to wallow in this new wound, another to add to the ever growing list. And yet he stays. She’s apologizing and he shakes his head, finding it hard to speak without revealing how much she had hurt him. The thought of a child, a part of both of them, had never crossed his mind. But now that the thought was planted, he realized how badly he wanted it.
”Whose the father?” Staring into the swollen waves of the sea, crashing against the sand like his own bruised heart bashed about his chest. He needs to know, needs the name of the man who had placed kisses on her neck before him. Who had known her as he had known her. Jealousy comes hot and thick, coursing through his veins and his jaw is taunt, his muscles stiff. Already hating this stallion without even knowing him.
He sighs softly, coming to some sort of decision in his head. ”Before you met me….” He murmurs, forcing himself to look at her again. ”Do you wish to be with him?” He waits with bated breath, fighting against the closing despair for he assumes she does. The father of her child. There is no place for him here. Just another mistake. A notch on a bedpost perhaps. He prays that he is wrong, wants so desperately to be wrong.
There's a storm brewing in his soul and the bear, who has been so patient, starts to claw it's way out.
Ledger