09-17-2017, 10:24 AM
tangerine
face to the sun
In the quiet and cozy warmth of the grotto Tang nearly forgets her unrest. It's easy to do when she is comfortably tucked at his side.
But Warrick always knew- and the year they had spent together had only heightened his intuition. He could read her when she thought herself unreadable and nearly smell the uneasiness when it began to simmer in her chest.
It always happened gradually- the unrest never sprung on her in a day. But she could feel its shadow when the monotony of motherhood became the thickest. She loved her children, she would die for them, but sometimes she savored nothing more than the daydream of running away for the day. That filled her with guilt.
And then he gives her that forlorn smile, just as she is becoming lost in her thoughts, and she crumbles. He could tear down her feeble defenses without even meaning to.
Warrick always made Tephra feel like home, for a time. And he had done it for an entire year. She truly had been happy and content for the first few seasons - but now as the twins grew older and less needy she found herself dreaming of someplace new too often. "They don't need me now," she lied to herself.
But she had promised to never lie to him.
Kaiode. The name which haunts her, the little foal never had a chance to become something more.
"I miss-read my dream," she says as a way of an explanation for her poorly masked melancholy. "I knew a colt was in danger that day, but I chose to follow Svedka." Her throat feels thick and the words scape along reluctantly. "I should have warned Rou, at the very least. He loves that boy. I just assumed Svedka would be the one to get himself into trouble." Loves, not loved, he will always love that boy. "I did them all wrong."
My assumption got a child killed.
Despite the solitude of their space, the words are difficult for her to say - even if she had already thought them hundreds of times. Solace's involvement only makes the burden heavier. That day had placed a scar across the young girl's heart that would never truly fade. Solace refused to process the incident with her mother.
Tang carried baggage which hindered the conversation and made it difficult to be the clear thinking supporter her child needed. But as Warrick had affirmed, her daughter was closely bonded to her brother - and her father. Those bonds would see her through. Her mother was useless in her time of need, and that cut Tang deep.
She would gladly take the blame if that made Solace's burden lighter, and in her mind she already had. Tangerine had so easily fallen into the role of the comforter with other, yet with her own daughter, she struggled to find the right words.