it's like the face inside is right beneath my skin; Gryffen

[Aoki]

Loneliness cuts sharper than any blade. It buries itself deeper and deeper inside of you until you cannot even breathe. The iron that fills my lungs is unbearable, the tang of failure bittersweet on my tongue. Everything I have ever loved, ever cared for is gone. Because of him, because of Crow. He took my darling pink knight from me, my child, my beautiful child. He took me from them all and made me live in the deepest, darkest shadow. My body achingly thin, all bones jutting out. My hips, my ribcage. You could play the xylophone along my body. He kept me prisoner in my own mind, my body was not my own anymore. When I thought it was over, he would relent for some time, he threw me back into the pit of eternal darkness and I came out with more scars, my eyes looking more sunken, my insides as hollow as a cracked egg in spring's glorious birth. You're mine, you will always be mine. He returns, his voice crackling like static in my skull. I run, my long legs expanding across the meadow, trying in vain attempts to outrun him. He never works, he's there, he's here. He is everywhere. I see him even now, perched upon a nearby branch, ebony wings like inky quills ruffling, his beak parts and he caws, the very shrill cry sends ice through my veins to pierce my heart. 'Never yours. Aoki is never yours.' I persist, my voice fragile in the cool autumn breeze. It entangles my matted silver tresses, pulling at my emaciated frame, if I were any lighter I am sure the wind would pick me up and take me away. But perhaps, perhaps that is exactly what I want. You will never escape me. I'm here, I'm everywhere. He insists, his voice capturing me, his dark eyes inside of my head ever-glaring, dark and monstrous. He shifts and I run. Every raging muscle in my body quivers as I canter, my hooves pounding the dying grass, attempting to still escape. Furious eyes wide, whites shown through the emerald irises. Where they had once got a pristine glow (being loved and being cared for gave them that health.) they now are dull and faded, like the decaying grass in autumn's reign. 'You took him, You took everyone. Why, Why do this to Aoki?' my eyes dampen with crystalline tears, they slip from tightly closed eyes as I run, faster, faster, through the straw-like grasses and closer to the bursting banks of the river. He's stabbing my insides, glass shards deepening and deepening until I feel every little touch of the breeze penetrate me like swords, multiple daggers shape and intrusive through my flesh. I call out, my vocal chords hoarse and withered. It sounds like a dying cry, one last final breath. Even death cannot take you from me. And I know he promises that. His promises are bound by my blood, my soul. Even my galloping heart. I weep silently then, pulling my canter to a jog, and then finally pulling to a halt, to look into the rippling waters edge. I'm there. Matted and torn, worn and weathered. I even see my shoulder blades jut out and all angles, my withers tower above all. He has not let me once attempt to care for myself, and then, then I don't even want to. He took Souperman, my darling dearest, Aoki's Souperman. My hero, my knight. The thought of him still sends butterflies in my stomach, but Crow takes them, captures them in slimy monstrous hands and sticks them in a jar. Hoarding them. I wonder where he is. Hoping deep, deep down to my core that Crow did not hurt him. My pink knight. He must be somewhere. And our child, our beautiful Crocell. I hope he had not been taken too. And my last, I have very little memory of, but the pain. The pain of birth still haunts me, still marks my flanks with scars. Ryuk. My one-eyed son. Crow made me leave him, and I did, hidden in the bushes, because I thought he would have a better chance of life than with me, than with Crow. Like the little whore, you bear children like ripe fruit. What will next spring bring you, Hmm? 'Nothing. Never. You will not have anymore.' I cry out, a broken sound falling from my chapped lips. The sound makes the ripples stronger, distorting my face. My knotted forelock overhands my dying emerald eye. I'm nothing. Nothing what I used to be. It stings, the realisation that Aoki is lost, somewhere inside and that Crow, his ever-watchful eyes are there, always there. I swallow a lump in my throat and with my fore hoof, I roll a stone into the river and watch the ripples shift my reflection some more. That's how I feel, like one large disrupted ripple in the world. And Crow, he was the one throwing all the stones. it's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within, A  O  K  I;It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin.

OOC: I really, really hope Charmx, if you ever read this that this is alright. I have re-read as many of those posts you pointed me to, and hope I have written her well enough. =[