Let me apologize to begin with...
Life is rarely kind, I have found. It seems happiness is reserved only for the very few, and I have never been lucky enough to be one of the few. Once I’d almost been happy. The closest I will probably every come. Back when it had just been Litha and I, for those few precious weeks, until life had drawn us apart again. I had wanted to be a part of a family, back then. But I don’t think I am meant to be. And when the stars returned, I suppose my fate had been sealed. I could never risk hurting someone I love.
And so I had stayed away. It’s probably better this way anyway. She’d had more than just me to turn to anyway.
But those are old memories. Ever since then, I have avoided getting close to anyone. It’s lonely sometimes, but better to live with loneliness than to live with the guilt my curse would always bring when I’m around others.
The water is cold against my skin, numbingly so, but I’ve come to rather enjoy the sensation. For at least a brief period of time, I can live knowing those burning stars will not cause harm. But a sound distracts me from my reverie, drawing my attention to the shore. To a figure both familiar and foreign.
Lilitha.
The sight of her sends my heart leaping in my chest, an old reaction to my best (and truthfully only) friend. She’s changed since I last saw her, still beautiful in her black and fiery red. But she has lived, scars visible even from here on her dark skin. I too have changed, though not as much. A few pock-marks on my back and haunches from poorly aimed stars, and perhaps I am a bit bigger, a bit burlier. But still the same bright bay and startling teal eyes. We both have lived, I think.
I missed her so much though, even though I’m the reason we haven’t seen each other in so long. I’d been the one to leave, after all. Even after I promised her I wouldn’t. But she didn’t know how much my curse could hurt her. A heavy sadness settles, bring with it a brief rain of blazing rocks. I flinch as they plink about me into the water, sizzling as the flaming stones splash into the cool liquid.
I should send her away, keep her safe. But a selfish part of me wants to give her at least one hug first. I’ve been so isolated, but I’m still just a horse in the end. I still crave contact. But just one hug, and then I had to tell her she’d be safest far away from me.
Pulling myself to my feet, I fix my eyes on her, a bit uncertainly. The water sluices from my skin, the air almost warm compared to the chill of the waves. My abundant white feathers are plastered against my legs, the water flattening my thickening coat so that the heavy lines of my muscled bulk are visible. It makes me a little self-conscious, but the coast is not an easy place to live. I had already been large, but my daily treks across stony beaches and navigating rocky cliffs had added bulk to my frame and the sparse vegetation that I now thrive on meant I had lost any angles softened by fat. Now I am all hard edges and sharp corners. Not the same boy she had grown to know so long ago.
I step closer, the water sloshing with my steps. I don’t answer her right away, a bit at a loss for words. When finally I have drawn close enough that the waves barely nip at my heels, I whisper her name, an ache in the soft word. “Lilitha.”
I swallow then, staring at her hard for a long moment. I try a faint smile, but it feels a bit strained on my face. I guess I can’t smile as easily as I used to. “I’m used to it,” I finally say, a belated response to her admonition.
Moment
accident-prone son of Offspring and Lirren