to see where it is that you’re taking my heart; vulgaris

[leliana]

Leliana

baby, when I'm in your arms, I can make honest sense of love and war's alarms

Leliana’s heart melts as her youngest daughter’s face falls, disappointment clear in all of her features. “Oh, darling,” she cries, gathering Sabbath to her chest, embracing her. “Secrets are for adults. Not for beautiful babies and children.” Her voice is quiet and soft, hushed as she whispers it into the fluff of her mane and the soft down of her neck, peppering her with kisses. “You never need to apologize for telling us what is on your mind, on what makes you excited.” She glances up, hazel eyes catching something glinting and secretive in Adna’s features, and her gaze narrows suspiciously. “Your older sister could learn to share the truth a little more readily,” she punctuates it with a final kiss on Sabbath’s nose. 

“Don’t you agree, Adna?” 

Her oldest daughter merely rolls her eyes, giving her mother her most angelic smile, eliciting a laugh from Leliana. Whatever Adna was keeping from her, she was sure to find out eventually. Perhaps she wasn't comfortable sharing in front of their father, or perhaps it simply wasn’t time. Leliana reaches out, pressing a kiss to Adna’s cheek and her daughter, although older now, leans into it, accepting the display of affection and holding it close. She has, after all, spent so long hungering for this exact thing now.

Content and filled with love with her family, Leliana perks her ears, listening as Sabbath explains more. When her own stunted version of Dovev’s name hits the air, her heart squeezes in her chest painfully, her head swinging upward so that she can study Vulgaris’ face, a confused frown pinching her features. 

Dovev, here.

Dovev who refused to let her know that she was safe.

Now imprisoned.

She struggles to remain calm, to not show how difficult it is to draw in air around the pain, around the confusion. “Oh, Vulgaris,” his name is sweet on her tongue regardless of the ache in her heart and she steps forward, pressing her forehead into his neck. “If Dovev didn’t want to see me than that’s his right.” It’s his right to ignore her, to push her out of his life, to focus on everything else within it. 

She pulls back, doing her best to keep the pain from her soft eyes.

“He has children,” a fact that cuts her to her quick—but, as she looks around at her family, her beautiful family, she finds that she can’t begrudge him that. “He shouldn't be here. He should be with them.”

She leans forward, pressing a kiss into the most sensitive flesh by his lips.

“I love you,” she breathes, heart simultaneously wrenching in her chest as it softens for him. 

“You are so good to me, but we should send him home—to the ones he wants to be with.”

but there's something primal underneath and it drives this nothingness I seek

@[vulgaris]