oh baby, I have not been kind
It wasn't what he'd meant. He was asking whether she'd ever thought of having her own kids when his thoughts went to Kylin's and Mom and Dad, but she was too young to think about such things probably. So was he. It just popped into his head and out of his mind at her.
He didn't clarify and accepted her answer.
Sure. Like Kylin's kids and other kids on the island. People to play with.
Her thoughts slid a little darker, too aware of how fleeting everything in their lives had become. Why should they bother trying to make friends when tomorrow it could all be swallowed up by a plague or massacre or some other such tragedy. He hated that she felt that way, but he also couldn't blame her. Just look at their lives and how it had gone from a peaceful happy life... To this.
God damn, and his head was killing him.
He closed his eyes as he continued listening to her, trying to focus on her voice in his mind as if it could push away all the pain and ache. He'd focused so intently on the sound of it that he'd nearly stopped actually hearing what she was thinking until she reached out and spoke his name almost cautiously.
Khari? He opened his grey eyes, looking forward as he saw more than her words were saying, could see what she was thinking about, remembering. His pulse picked up nervously, but he turned his head to watch her without expression as she added more.
You said...you said if I ever wanted... She was finding it difficult to talk to him? Was she blushing now? His head tilted just slightly, curious and uncertain why she was remembering their time together that one special day. Special to him, anyway. She bumped her nose against his chin as she used to do, and his face softened a little, still waiting.
It felt so good when you touched me. I want to feel good again. Maybe we could...?
Oh. Oh, wow, okay. She wanted..? He didn't think she would, when for so long now she hadn't thought of it, had only been lost in her darkness and silence. Even now, she wasn't really talking, and he couldn't help but wonder if she ever would again. He'd given up hope that she'd have any more interest in him. He'd just be her brother, her guardian.
His eyes dropped to the ground, then slid away and he stayed quiet. She wanted to feel alive again and of course he'd always wished it would be him to make her feel that way. Always only him. It didn't really feel the same this time, though. It felt somehow less, as if he would only be a fun little distraction. At one time he might've been okay with that. Just a bit of fun. Maybe it was because of this damn headache beating his brain, but somehow that just didn't sound ideal.
I miss us too, he told her evenly, dull and hollow. They'd been so happy once, their blood thrilling at each other's touch. She was young, but old enough to feel the electricity that he'd found in her. He'd ached each night since for her to feel it again, think of him again, want him again, but there was only quiet and trauma.
He didn't want to feel like a meaningless distraction though, even if he knew he could never be more.
Maybe after I rest more, he offered a little breathlessly, giving himself more time to think about it even as her soft lips left a shy little kiss in the corner of his mouth. He wanted to turn to it, take them in a real kiss and press her beneath him again. The feathers on his wings bristled and shuddered with anticipation, remembering the way she'd squirmed against him and made it feel even better.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, shielding her from the heat in them.
I don't want you to feel like this anymore either, Kali. How else can I help? he asked carefully, softly. Was he good for anything more? Even if he wasn't, of course he'd still fix this for her. Of course he would touch her and bring her back to life. She was everything.
He wouldn't do too much. Dad wouldn't have to know.
I wish I could scrape away the dirt that's on my mind