01-28-2019, 05:40 PM
It's like throwing gasoline on a dying fire. My bones are straining, popping, alive again. As we fall apart, I gasp, static leaping from our pelts and flowing in sparkling rivers along the scars that crisscross my body. The way my heart is beating, it's a wonder I'm still standing.
I watch the geyser of flame fill the sky above us, another wave of heat washing over me accompanied by a crack of thunder that rings through my chest. Slow, fat drops of rain begin to fall, making tiny craters where they hit the sand and driving cold darts through my coat. We'd be soaked through, soon enough. Even so, I wait, watching him through the dim light.
With shaking steps I approach him again, this time with more caution. I don't know what to say at first, instead laying my cheek against his. A memory bled into my minds eye, of a day very different from this one. A day when early autumn sunlight had shown on both of us, and I'd led him on a chase through the sky, only to be caught and brought back to earth, laughing. I'd been so happy to be with him. I'd been so excited when I'd learned that our happiness had turned into our children. It had been such a brief afternoon, but it had stayed with me despite all. Some hope to cling to. Now we stood in the beginnings of a thunderstorm, unsure how to handle each other. Unsure where the hope had gone.
It's a small contact, my cheek to his, but it's quiet and nonviolent, and for now I'm content with it. I want his love but have settled for his wrath for too long now. I can't forgive him just yet. The silence has dragged between us too long, and it's my turn to break it. Still standing close, savoring the touch, I speak at last.
"If you had asked me to stay, I would have, Cas. But if my only value to you is because I bore children for you... it's not enough. The boys are mostly grown, I couldn't hold them here even if I wanted to." I stepped away, feeling a headache starting to burn behind my eyes. "I have to get some things figured out with myself. I can't do that if I'm staying here and waiting for you to look at me like you used to, competing with however many others for your affections. I'm going east. If you decide you want me, come find me. Until then... I know you'll be great, Cas. I always have. "
It was a hard statement to make, but I had meant every word. I couldn't be his toy, his fragile treasure to be hidden away. There had been so much more to me once. I wanted to be more again. It was my turn to run away, for now. Thunder rolled as I cast my wings out preparatorily, sparks flashing reactively in the dark. Even with the rain beginning to pour in earnest, I was eager to be airborne again. It was time.
@[Castile]
I watch the geyser of flame fill the sky above us, another wave of heat washing over me accompanied by a crack of thunder that rings through my chest. Slow, fat drops of rain begin to fall, making tiny craters where they hit the sand and driving cold darts through my coat. We'd be soaked through, soon enough. Even so, I wait, watching him through the dim light.
With shaking steps I approach him again, this time with more caution. I don't know what to say at first, instead laying my cheek against his. A memory bled into my minds eye, of a day very different from this one. A day when early autumn sunlight had shown on both of us, and I'd led him on a chase through the sky, only to be caught and brought back to earth, laughing. I'd been so happy to be with him. I'd been so excited when I'd learned that our happiness had turned into our children. It had been such a brief afternoon, but it had stayed with me despite all. Some hope to cling to. Now we stood in the beginnings of a thunderstorm, unsure how to handle each other. Unsure where the hope had gone.
It's a small contact, my cheek to his, but it's quiet and nonviolent, and for now I'm content with it. I want his love but have settled for his wrath for too long now. I can't forgive him just yet. The silence has dragged between us too long, and it's my turn to break it. Still standing close, savoring the touch, I speak at last.
"If you had asked me to stay, I would have, Cas. But if my only value to you is because I bore children for you... it's not enough. The boys are mostly grown, I couldn't hold them here even if I wanted to." I stepped away, feeling a headache starting to burn behind my eyes. "I have to get some things figured out with myself. I can't do that if I'm staying here and waiting for you to look at me like you used to, competing with however many others for your affections. I'm going east. If you decide you want me, come find me. Until then... I know you'll be great, Cas. I always have. "
It was a hard statement to make, but I had meant every word. I couldn't be his toy, his fragile treasure to be hidden away. There had been so much more to me once. I wanted to be more again. It was my turn to run away, for now. Thunder rolled as I cast my wings out preparatorily, sparks flashing reactively in the dark. Even with the rain beginning to pour in earnest, I was eager to be airborne again. It was time.
@[Castile]