Kensa in the aftermath is a thing of unholy beauty. She glitters fiercely in the late summer light her heartbreak an underlying electricity. In the past the difficulties or losses have weakened or maddened her. It may be that it is easier to bear the destruction of what remained between herself and Litotes because it was by her own hand. She does not wonder what could be or what she missed this time, does not grieve to anyone or twist her mind into broken shards like she did once before. All of the agonies live inside her tangled together with shame and fury. There will be so much more, and the inferno will burn white hot in her before it finally comes loose and tries to level her. There is no one to tell, she thinks, and she is about to find out that even the one person who might understand her is far from safe. Starsin burns everything down around herself and Kensa has chosen to stand too close.
She does not hear the beat of his wings over the sound of the wind that whips through the peaks at intervals and makes the leaves of the trees themselves like flocks tethered on string. Too there is the noise of splashing from the lake, her sons sparring. Voices. These all drive her away from the central valley and the company she finds herself to be a poor partner for today. Life has continued, but all the normalcy sometimes rings in her ears.
In the expanse of open land that lies low between the last two mountains before one comes to Loess the grass is long and still green. Indian paintbrush bursts up amongst this in colonies of rich red. Normally there would also be snowy yarrow or yellow wallflower but this year there is only red, like blood stains dragged through the leaves of grass. His scent comes to her over the rippling meadowland and Kensa’s entire body sings with tension as she lifts her head to look for him. Her ragged heart raging against its own ache to beat a desperate rhythm.
Brigade’s wings once more mirror her coloring, but his pelt is darkened by sweat. He has come here in haste and she does not hesitate to go to him until he makes no move to meet her. Stopping Kensa stares at him in bewildered silence, whatever sanctuary she was expecting to find is closed to her and her mind does not have time to guess at why.
Litotes.
The chestnut and gold beauty had known in some part of herself that this would happen, that Brigade would need answers about who she is and what ties she already has but it had been easier to ignore it. She’d wanted to exist with only Brigade when they were together, without distraction or the guilt that grew the further she fell to her feelings for him. Her voice is clear and soft when she answers, though she doesn’t know what she’s going to say.
“I don’t know.” She isn’t listless, only honest when she admits this. “I should have already.” Is this too at an end? More destruction? Can she fit the ruins of this within herself too?
“You mean so much to me, Brigade. I had an entire life before we met and I would tell you every detail of it, if it would make up for this…” She should not be surprised that someone has told him but does not understand why they have. Why it should matter to anyone. Then there is guilt in the wondering, and she stops herself before she can come to the obvious conclusion, before the rage with which she will next meet Starsin can be born. Her heart is breaking to see is exhausted body quivering across the span between them. As wrong as it is to try and salvage this she tries anyway.
“Litotes and I are no longer together, but we were the night I found you in Loess.” He will have her honesty too, even if it hurts him too.
@[brigade]
