and let me crawl inside your veins. I'll build a wall, give you a ball and chain.
Some may wonder if Starsin would grow to regret her choice of words on the mountain that day. She had offered to show Ophanim her heart – a figure of speech, even though it was something she had also meant to her very core. She would show him her heart, if she could, because god only knows how horrible she is at showing him love in any other way. She knows if he could see it, if he could feel it, that it would lay to rest every shred of doubt, every shadow of suspicion that he could ever have.
She just hadn’t expected it to actually happen.
Her chest still felt bruised and torn, with blood dark and dried against the gray of her skin. The raw, jagged wound was stark and ugly, a vivid reminder of what had transpired. If there was anything Starsin hated, it was being helpless, and when Carnage had ruthlessly ripped her heart from her chest, leaving her frozen and half-dead but less than half-alive, that was the most helpless she had ever been.
And maybe to some, they would have found it romantic, in a peculiar and strange way, that her love’s heart now beat so steadily inside of her own chest. It could be almost considered sweet that she was now the true keeper of his heart, and he of hers. Her ribs could shelter it from every blow, and maybe she could even sleep at night when he was away knowing that it was tucked away safely inside of her.
Except, Starsin is not a safe place.
She has proven time and time again that she is careless and reckless, that she breaks everything that could be hers. And Ophanim – her sweet, perfect angel boy – he didn’t deserve the burden of carrying her broken, faulty, angry heart for the rest of his life. Her heart was like poison, and she wonders how soon it will take for the toxicity to settle in his veins. She wondered if he could feel it, the way those thoughts were weighing so heavily on her, she wonders if he can feel the way her heart twinges with a sick, sorrowed feeling. His heart already had such a melancholy feel to it. She always been able to read his mind and recognize the emotion tied to them, but she had never been able to feel them. His heart didn’t harbor the same darkness as hers, but it still felt like someone had scrubbed it raw, and maybe there were small parts of it that were growing calloused in places.
Almost every scar across his heart was her fault, and now, there was nothing to protect it from her.
She is quiet for much of the trip back, drowning in her thoughts, letting them consume her. When the trees finally give way to the yellow and crimson of Sylva, she stops, and abruptly she turns to him. “We have to find a way to switch them back,” she says with desperation, her dark blue eyes locking with his. “I can’t...what if I ruin your heart, the way I do everything else?” She tries to choke down the panic she can feel bubbling up her throat, but all it does is give the tears a chance to flood her eyes. “What if it ends up broken, and angry, and…” Her voice breaks, and she clenches her jaw and swallows hard, tilting her head away from him as she closes her eyes and steadies her breathing. When she looks back at him she cannot control the stray tears that find their way down her cheeks, the words tremulous and collapsing in on themselves when she whispers, “What if it ends up exactly like mine?”
starsin
it’s not like me to be so mean. you’re all I wanted.
( just let me hold you Like a hostage. )
@[Ophanim]
