[private] I couldn't utter my love when it counted; birthing

[adna]

one touch will make you so nervous you might stop breathing
one touch will make you so reckless you might start feeling
one touch will finally show to me what you can't hide

She never thought that she would have to keep so many secrets from him.

She never thought that she would have to swallow her daughter’s hate and just keep it in her belly. She never thought that she would be afraid to have her daughter meet her cousin. Her sister? Her head swims with it all and it takes everything within her to remain upright.

But she can’t yield to it yet.

Not when he’s watching her with questions growing in his eyes. Not when she so desperately wants to hold onto some semblance of normality for just a moment.

She deserves this, she thinks. Even when the secrets blister the back of her throat.

“It’s fine,” she smiles, lies, glancing down with the same melding of steel and love in her gaze. Gospel will always have her heart. Will always be her girl. But she doesn’t know how to bend to a child’s whims or deny herself her wishes. She cannot self sacrifice in such a way.

So she lets the moment simmer down again.

Let’s Beth catch her attention.

Her sage green eyes slide to his shoulder and linger there for a moment. He is bleeding more profusely than she had first thought and her heart clenches at the sight of his blood on the ground below. Without thinking, she leans over and pressed her mouth to his shoulder. Her tongue follows as she cleans the wound, tasting the venom as it buzzes.

She lingers for a second too long, feeling her belly quiver with recognition.

She pulls back slightly.

“Sorry,” she whispers, but she knows that she’s now sorry for touching him.

Not even a little at all.

ADNA