so reckless you might start feeling; beth

[adna]

one touch will make you so nervous you might stop breathing
one touch will make you so reckless you might start feeling
one touch will finally show to me what you can't hide

Her secrets are a constant, boiling thing beneath the surface of her.

She fears them. Knows that one day they will be the ruin of her, but she cannot bring herself to face them—not yet. She cannot shove them into the light of day because then it may boil beneath the sun and she is not sure that they will ever recover. That she will ever recover, if she is being honest. Because how will he ever look at her the same when he knows what she has kept hidden beneath her tongue, behind her teeth?

But he asks her her reason and she feels her insides drop.

She feels the way that the vice tightens around her chest because she made herself a promise.

She made herself a promise and, here she is, willing to bend beneath the slightest pressure.

It is dark enough that there are moments when she can barely see him, and she wonders if that helps. She wonders if it is easier for her to betray her own self when he is nothing but a shadow by her side and the only sign she has that he is there at all is the steady fall of his feet on the hardened Loess ground.

Her mouth is dry and her fangs press against her lips and she shudders when she finally says:

“You.”

How could she ever explain to him how he became the reason for it all? How could she ever explain to him how columns within her shifted during that first meeting and he became the center of her gravity? How there is no rhyme or reason for it, but that the molecules of her life have rearranged around him?

She can’t and so she just exhales.

“I know what you’ll say. How I should save my heart.”

Another shaky breath.

“But it’s too late and that’s okay. I’ll be okay.”

ADNA