I put everything I had into something that didn't grow; dahmer

[leliana]

I know what it is but I'm hoping that all is well
no harvest of green but it's still my heart to sell

 

She was surprised by the depth of her pain. 

It was seemingly alive, thrashing in her chest, snaking through her veins. She had left the forest that day and felt emptied, a husk. It had not taken her long to find Exist, to curl into her sister's side wordlessly and to fall asleep. Sleep that stretched so long and so thin that she sometimes felt as if she would never wake. Sleep that dragged her under even when she woke, its sticky and consistent fingers pulling her below its influence. 

Finally though, she woke. Of course she did. It was the only thing there was to do. She couldn't let herself become consumed by it; she couldn't let herself drown under it. That was too selfish. There were things that she needed to do, souls she needed to heal. And so, like she did always, Leliana forced herself to look outside of the pain, focusing her energy outward. She stopped wandering the water-soaked beaches and looking outward toward Ischia. She avoided the forest where he had left her. She instead stuck to the fields and the meadow, or even the challenge grounds. Wherever there were those who needed her gifts. Wherever there were those who called to the healing in her chest. 

She exhausted herself often, but never quite to the point of that day.

She learned the boundaries of her gift and did the best to respect them. 

Today though, today she chose to stay within Tephra, wandering the familiar landscape easily. Her wings were scarlet and unfurled to their full width as she flew; they rarely changed to onyx any more during the day but at night, while she slept, they often turned black with a smattering of blue and white, the appendages showing themselves in elegant ivory sweeps. It was painful to wake to that sight, the hope crushing in her throat. 

That same hope she felt when she saw him. 

Her speed quickened when she saw the smudge of black beneath her. She dove, faster perhaps then she should have, the blood rushing to her skull as she landed near him. When her vision focused and she took him in, she made a small noise. "Oh," she exhaled,   The air rushing out of her. He wasn't him. Of course, Dovev wasn't here. This stallion was broader, thicker with muscle, and there were no bones piercing flesh. 

She tucked the bitter disappointment away, glancing down for a moment so that the curtain of her red mane shielded her eyes. When she glanced up, her face was the perfect display of politeness, her hazel eyes soft and serene, her smile kind. "I am so sorry. I thought you were someone I knew." She took a step forward in greeting. "My name is Leliana." She focused on him, channeling all of her attention to the conversation. 

I put everything I had into something that didn't grow
like going on a wild hunt, shooting arrows without a bow

@[Dahmer]