He was always moving.
Always pacing, always raging. Blood always roared through him with a fevered heat. Bottomless black eyes always glint like hard steel, burned with bitterness and fury. Wounds always covered him, bled to the ground at his feet. Trailed in his wake like a river of pain. Outward pain that went ignored.
Today he was still.
Frozen. Locked in place. Black eyes were flat, bland. Filled to the brim with darkness and yet so empty. Like his heart. It sat aching and cold in his chest. Loud, yet so quiet. When he looked out, the world was dimmer. Almost colorless. Quieter and yet still so loud. The inward pain could not be ignored.
No matter how hard he tried.
He swallowed. Finally let his eyes trail down to his feet. To the ground beneath. He let his stare settle there. the place she lay. He watched a memory. In his mind where only he could see it. Only he could know it, the image of a flowing crimson ocean. Waving, but still. Not blood at his feet, but something softer. Warmer. And russet.. like glittering chocolate diamonds. Valuable. Priceless.
He sank slowly, purposefully to the ground. Cold with absence. Not heated by moments stolen, tenderness forced without mercy. Without guilt. Without regret.
Without regret.
Black, sunken form stretched out on his side, bone digging uncomfortably into him. His blank face rested in the grass. Grass that had been weighted down by an angel as a demon pressed her to the ground, hovered over her. Flowers that had seen a time of controlled passion, a slow and hungry exploration taken without askance. Lips that trailed burning passes down a perfect throat, savored skin with unforgettable taste. He swallowed, closed his eyes. Let the memory play, watched it without emotion.
He didn't have to breathe to smell her. Her scent was long gone, but he knew it. He'd followed it. Knew where she lived, where she slept. Where she curled next to an ever-watchful guardian in silence. Where her wings would change and make him cry.
Where he would walk away. Where he would never exist.
Where his memory would slowly die.
Where hers would always stay safely locked away in his mind.
He had a trained focus, perhaps too trained, could push anything from his thoughts. But when that wall relaxed, she was there again. They all were. Zoryn, Diz. Cerva. Atrani.
And Leliana.
And sometimes he just had to slip away for a time. Had to remember the destruction he could cause. The pain that was deeper than any wound. Deeper than she could ever heal. Deeper than the driving agony of his bone erupting slowly out of him, as it did now, scorching him with unimaginable pain as blood spilled to the earth.
Outward pain. That went ignored.
Inward pain that never could.
He was destruction. He was the end of good things.
Always pacing, always raging. Blood always roared through him with a fevered heat. Bottomless black eyes always glint like hard steel, burned with bitterness and fury. Wounds always covered him, bled to the ground at his feet. Trailed in his wake like a river of pain. Outward pain that went ignored.
Today he was still.
Frozen. Locked in place. Black eyes were flat, bland. Filled to the brim with darkness and yet so empty. Like his heart. It sat aching and cold in his chest. Loud, yet so quiet. When he looked out, the world was dimmer. Almost colorless. Quieter and yet still so loud. The inward pain could not be ignored.
No matter how hard he tried.
He swallowed. Finally let his eyes trail down to his feet. To the ground beneath. He let his stare settle there. the place she lay. He watched a memory. In his mind where only he could see it. Only he could know it, the image of a flowing crimson ocean. Waving, but still. Not blood at his feet, but something softer. Warmer. And russet.. like glittering chocolate diamonds. Valuable. Priceless.
He sank slowly, purposefully to the ground. Cold with absence. Not heated by moments stolen, tenderness forced without mercy. Without guilt. Without regret.
Without regret.
Black, sunken form stretched out on his side, bone digging uncomfortably into him. His blank face rested in the grass. Grass that had been weighted down by an angel as a demon pressed her to the ground, hovered over her. Flowers that had seen a time of controlled passion, a slow and hungry exploration taken without askance. Lips that trailed burning passes down a perfect throat, savored skin with unforgettable taste. He swallowed, closed his eyes. Let the memory play, watched it without emotion.
He didn't have to breathe to smell her. Her scent was long gone, but he knew it. He'd followed it. Knew where she lived, where she slept. Where she curled next to an ever-watchful guardian in silence. Where her wings would change and make him cry.
Where he would walk away. Where he would never exist.
Where his memory would slowly die.
Where hers would always stay safely locked away in his mind.
He had a trained focus, perhaps too trained, could push anything from his thoughts. But when that wall relaxed, she was there again. They all were. Zoryn, Diz. Cerva. Atrani.
And Leliana.
And sometimes he just had to slip away for a time. Had to remember the destruction he could cause. The pain that was deeper than any wound. Deeper than she could ever heal. Deeper than the driving agony of his bone erupting slowly out of him, as it did now, scorching him with unimaginable pain as blood spilled to the earth.
Outward pain. That went ignored.
Inward pain that never could.
He was destruction. He was the end of good things.
