02-03-2017, 04:29 PM
His eyes may have been dead and dry, bloodshot. But inside he was not empty. Inside he was raw. A sandpaper scrub to his bleeding heart, an acid to the wound, a burning blight lining every grisly organ in choking pain. Her healing only hurt it further, only drove it home just how bad he was broken; that even her magic could not fix him. She could not cure a shattered soul.
Dovev, her voice alone made his tension begin to melt away whether he wanted it to or not. She was always the one to break their silence. He was always the one to cling to it. Especially here, where he’d left her with but one simple word. And so much heat.
He held still, kept his eyes closed as she approached carefully closer. Part of him wished she’d just leave, just forget about him. Let him be nothing but a strange memory of tender moments. But there was of course another part that begged her closer and closer still, to hold him, to care. To forget everything that happened but their wonderful memories of each other. Relive their time together. Even though he knew he didn’t deserve it. I am so sorry, she said. Why the hell was she apologizing? He had done this. It was all his fault. Everything.
He never should have left Cerva. He never should have been so greedy as to need to protect her and keep her wholly to himself, to be able to fight off any others if he needed to. He should have known she wouldn’t understand, that he’d just be another person to have abandoned her. He’d only wanted to keep her close. Forever. Now he was losing her. If she wasn’t already lost to him. Always, it had been them together. As a child to adulthood, all he’d ever known. He knew nothing else, had never considered anything else. Losing her ripped the foundation from beneath him, threw him from confident and sure to this -this broken and shattered shell. What was he without her?
Porcelain can be so sharp, so cutting.
Can be so fragile.
I just wanted to make sure you were okay.
Her muzzle drifted closer. He could sense it, could nearly feel her again. His eyes slid open, staring ahead at nothing. Waiting to see if she would fall further, make the connection. But after a few long moments, time-stopping breaths, she took a step back. His head turned up to her, black eyes burning with a challenge. A dare. Do it. See what happens. See what I become. Still, he held his silence.
This is the place he’d first found her. The place he’d had a life without Cerva, without the memory of her. The place he’d first learned.. He wasn’t sure what. Something good. Something to counter the darkness. Something he hadn’t stopped craving. Perhaps that was why he’d returned here, to try and feel it again. He was tempted to do it, to push everything else from his mind and fall back into that time. Fall back into her embrace.
I will leave. I promise. I won’t ever bother you again. She meant it. She was not like him, did not clutch so tight to what he wanted that he nearly strangled it in the process. Did not grip the breakable and fragile until they nearly shattered to pieces. His fear had always been his strength. Afraid to lose what mattered to him. It made him ruthless, powerful, merciless. Nothing would keep him from what he cared about, who he cared about. Maybe that’s what happened; he clutched Cerva too tightly. He’d set her down so gently, put her somewhere safe until he could come back for her again. But it was too high. She’d wobbled and fell, broke into a million pieces.
He wasn’t much of a fixer, was he? He was destruction. The end to good things.
It was only a matter of time before Leliana would be squeezed to death, too.
He struggled to sit up, eyes locked on her, burning and blazing and hot. He was too weakened today to do as he had then, to steal from her like an unbidden lover. This time she was the one standing, and he the one curled on the earth. He closed his eyes a moment, letting his cool eyelids soothe the sting in his sleepless eyes. So tired. His breath slowed as if he’d managed to fall asleep, but he couldn’t sleep anymore it seemed.
After a moment, he peered at her from behind half-lidded eyes. He was too exhausted to send her away, to think if he should or not. His chin jerked toward his shoulder, the movement sluggish, gesturing for her to join him. Hoping she might give him rest one last time before tomorrow took her away again. His tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth, his breath still heavy and slow, and he waited to see if she would leave now. Or later.
Dovev, her voice alone made his tension begin to melt away whether he wanted it to or not. She was always the one to break their silence. He was always the one to cling to it. Especially here, where he’d left her with but one simple word. And so much heat.
He held still, kept his eyes closed as she approached carefully closer. Part of him wished she’d just leave, just forget about him. Let him be nothing but a strange memory of tender moments. But there was of course another part that begged her closer and closer still, to hold him, to care. To forget everything that happened but their wonderful memories of each other. Relive their time together. Even though he knew he didn’t deserve it. I am so sorry, she said. Why the hell was she apologizing? He had done this. It was all his fault. Everything.
He never should have left Cerva. He never should have been so greedy as to need to protect her and keep her wholly to himself, to be able to fight off any others if he needed to. He should have known she wouldn’t understand, that he’d just be another person to have abandoned her. He’d only wanted to keep her close. Forever. Now he was losing her. If she wasn’t already lost to him. Always, it had been them together. As a child to adulthood, all he’d ever known. He knew nothing else, had never considered anything else. Losing her ripped the foundation from beneath him, threw him from confident and sure to this -this broken and shattered shell. What was he without her?
Porcelain can be so sharp, so cutting.
Can be so fragile.
I just wanted to make sure you were okay.
Her muzzle drifted closer. He could sense it, could nearly feel her again. His eyes slid open, staring ahead at nothing. Waiting to see if she would fall further, make the connection. But after a few long moments, time-stopping breaths, she took a step back. His head turned up to her, black eyes burning with a challenge. A dare. Do it. See what happens. See what I become. Still, he held his silence.
This is the place he’d first found her. The place he’d had a life without Cerva, without the memory of her. The place he’d first learned.. He wasn’t sure what. Something good. Something to counter the darkness. Something he hadn’t stopped craving. Perhaps that was why he’d returned here, to try and feel it again. He was tempted to do it, to push everything else from his mind and fall back into that time. Fall back into her embrace.
I will leave. I promise. I won’t ever bother you again. She meant it. She was not like him, did not clutch so tight to what he wanted that he nearly strangled it in the process. Did not grip the breakable and fragile until they nearly shattered to pieces. His fear had always been his strength. Afraid to lose what mattered to him. It made him ruthless, powerful, merciless. Nothing would keep him from what he cared about, who he cared about. Maybe that’s what happened; he clutched Cerva too tightly. He’d set her down so gently, put her somewhere safe until he could come back for her again. But it was too high. She’d wobbled and fell, broke into a million pieces.
He wasn’t much of a fixer, was he? He was destruction. The end to good things.
It was only a matter of time before Leliana would be squeezed to death, too.
He struggled to sit up, eyes locked on her, burning and blazing and hot. He was too weakened today to do as he had then, to steal from her like an unbidden lover. This time she was the one standing, and he the one curled on the earth. He closed his eyes a moment, letting his cool eyelids soothe the sting in his sleepless eyes. So tired. His breath slowed as if he’d managed to fall asleep, but he couldn’t sleep anymore it seemed.
After a moment, he peered at her from behind half-lidded eyes. He was too exhausted to send her away, to think if he should or not. His chin jerked toward his shoulder, the movement sluggish, gesturing for her to join him. Hoping she might give him rest one last time before tomorrow took her away again. His tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth, his breath still heavy and slow, and he waited to see if she would leave now. Or later.
