without you there are holes in my soul; dahmer

[leliana]

I waited for something and something died
so I waited for nothing and nothing arrived

She finds rest here, refuge, and she is grateful for it.

He allows her close, and his touch is gentle, sensitive and kind, and she cannot help but compare it to the hunger, the demanding touches of Dovev. He had never been gentle with her; he had been a wildfire that had consumed her whole. He ravaged and burnt all of her, leaving her with singed palms and an empty chest. He took, and he took, and she was always so eager to give. She gave him everything, emptied herself out for him—and the worst part was knowing she would do it again. She was helpless not to.

But here, she finds comfort, and she melts against him. At his words, she just laughs softly, shaking her head. “Is it weak of me to long for easy?” she asks, her cheek against the strength of his back. “You and Magnus are both so strong—it is hard to imagine you choosing anything but the most dangerous of paths and yet, here I stand longing for easy.” How she wants that. She wants soft afternoons and lazy naps. She wants to wake up surrounded by her family. She longs for simple pleasures, kind smiles.

She wants nothing more than she wants easy.

But she knows that isn’t possible and so she doesn’t push the subject, instead she closes her eyes and lets herself relax against him. His song is beautiful, and vulnerable, and she cannot stop the tears that form in her eyes, that slip down her mahogany cheeks and wet his skin where her head lies. “That is beautiful,” she whispers, taking a deep breath and wrapping herself in his scent. “Have you always known that?”

It was easier to change subjects—to ask him questions, to delve into his past.

Anything was easier than facing everything her life had become.

it's our dearest ally, it's our closest friend
it's our darkest blackout, it's our final end