[mature] right against the wall, leliana.

[vulgaris]

VulgariS

take me, take me back to your bed. i love you so much that it hurts my head.
say, i don't mind you under my skin. oh, let the bad parts in, the bad parts in.

The piece of him that remembers her, that adores the way she smells when she’s pressed tight against him and the perfect light in her laughter, is raging now as it slams its fists against stone walls. He can feel something within him demanding justice but he remains oblivious to the details of it. Instead, he casts a sideways glance at her as she begs the question of why. He blinks slowly, asking himself the very same as the depth of her misery begins to creep its way into him. Why did he want her? Why did he lose control just from the feel of her body against his? It made no sense to be this ravenous for her when everything else seemed so gray and bland to him.

The forlorn shards of his memories command him closer to her where he can press his lips to her neck. It feels like this used to be the right thing to do, before today perhaps, but now it is horribly wrong. He steps back and tries to fit the pieces together with little success. Vulgaris begins to take a thousand foot leap, nose diving straight into all those broken pieces of who he used to be. Let them slice him open and butcher him.

“I think.. I need you. But you need.. to stay away from me,” he says, brows wrinkled as he tries to think but remains without answers to give her. “I can’t remember. I can’t remember. I can’t…”

His head begins to pound as the past tries to flood into him and he winces at the pain, backing further from her now. He can’t ask her for help, not after what he’s done. The confusion clouds everything and he turns to run from this god awful storm of emotions as they threaten to devour him whole. She is something pure and perfect, he tells himself in the hopes that he’ll remember next time. If there is a next time. She is something that he must stay far away from. His chest feels tight as he flees from this place, gasping for breath.

@[leliana]