and let me crawl inside your veins. I'll build a wall, give you a ball and chain.
His skin feels hot when he brushes past her, his scales roughening her sleek coat, but she does not move away. Her eyes follow him, cold and hard, with muscles coiled tight as though that might keep whatever he says to her from getting beneath her skin. But he names off children – three of them, to add to the four that she already knows about – and she has to clench her jaw to keep the tears that climbed in her throat from reaching her eyes. Each name is another twist of the dagger, and every turn she finds her stoic exterior being replaced by a molten fire she had never experienced.
By the time she can finally summon herself to speak without letting the emotion lace her words, her entire body is trembling. “All you did was just list three reasons that proved my point.” She pushes against him now, her heart pounding in her ears and voice gradually rising in pitch as her control on her temper and pain begins to slowly spiral out of her control, “I had never done anything to you to deserve that. Not then. All you did was prove to me that my loyalty to you means absolutely nothing, that it didn’t matter how hard I was trying to be something better, you were still going to fuck whoever you wanted.”
She still doesn’t pull away from him, and she can’t help but to notice how different the air feels between them now. Everything felt dark and thick and tense, like she could choke on their anger and hurt. She can feel how heavy it presses on her lungs, how it’s constricting around her heart, and she doesn’t know how much more she can take. “Don’t tell me that I don’t know what pain is. Don’t try to tell me that knowing you would rather sleep with countless other girls hasn’t completely torn me apart.” In one quick, violent motion she yanks herself backwards, her blue eyes darkening with tears that she refuses to let fall down her cheeks.
“I told you last time, I knew I had messed up, from the beginning, with how I always left and ended up pushing you away. But I was just scared, of this. Of exactly this.” Of being hurt, of being left, of not being enough. She shakes her head, looking away from him, staring blankly at the sea of trees and autumn-colored ocean of leaves. Something shudders through her; something like a sigh, something like giving up, and she looks back at him with eyes so plainly filled with all her brokeness and bruises when she whispers, “Just tell me you don’t want me anymore.”
starsin
it’s not like me to be so mean. you’re all I wanted.
( just let me hold you Like a hostage. )
