and let me crawl inside your veins. I'll build a wall, give you a ball and chain.
She clenches her jaw when he insults her, and though she tries to remain impassive, the hurt is visible in her eyes. She, more than anyone, is aware of her flaws. She lives with them, in her mind and in her heart, in the fierce exterior she tries to portray, in the cruelty she displays instead of kindness. She doesn’t argue with him, because she knows he is right, and she knows he will never understand why she is the way that she is. He will never understand how unbelievable it had been to her that a boy as sweet and beautiful as him could have possibly wanted her, when her own mother chose to discard her. He will never understand that she had left in an attempt to keep from getting attached to someone that she was so sure would soon see all the flaws and weaknesses that her mother had seen. She wouldn’t have been able to handle the rejection of him leaving if she had allowed herself to feel even a minute amount of affection, and so she had always left first.
But brash, foolish Starsin, nothing could have ever prepared her for what this felt like.
To what it would be like to truly lose him, after he had already been hers; after they had melded themselves together in a way that no one else ever could.
She is so busy blinking back and controlling her tears that she almost doesn’t hear what he says. I want to wake up beside you every morning, and even though there is still such a bite to his words that she isn’t used to, they somehow draw her back in.
Before she can have a chance to register what the words mean in the jumble of her frustrated and hurt mind, he is pressing into her and pulling her closer.
And finally, finally, she breaks.
“I’m sorry,” the words are a gasp into his mane, and she trembles uncontrollably as the tears flood down her cheeks and onto his skin. “How can I possibly be a light when all I’ve ever done is hurt you?” She can feel the way his scales begin to recede, and when she opens her eyes, she is greeted again by the familiar gold and white of his skin. Her chest rises and falls rapidly as she tries to regain her composure, as she tries to keep herself from spiraling as she is struck so harshly with the realization that this was all her fault; a domino effect of how she had been from the beginning, and the truest form of karma that she has ever been hit with. He could have anyone. He could have someone that wasn’t cold and detached, that didn’t make games out of other’s lives, and that would forgive him instead of retaliating everytime she felt wronged. “I fucked up,” another strained whisper, but with an edge of panic rising in the pitch of it, and she presses herself closer to him in desperation because she is so sure it is the last time, “and I’m going to lose you because of it.”
starsin
it’s not like me to be so mean. you’re all I wanted.
( just let me hold you Like a hostage. )
@[Ophanim]
