catch my troubled head when you're away, adna

[adna]

I will commit my soul to your door tonight, and I'll last 'til the gas fumes float on higher

She knows exactly where all of her weaknesses lie.

She knows exactly where she is a monster—where her heart feeds on the things that matter the most to her. She knows exactly the way she would devour the world fo her own selfish reasons.

So she folds because it’s the only thing to do.

She folds because how could she possibly stand up to the words her sister says?

She’s right. She’s right.

Her breath doesn’t come and her vision begins to swim. All she knows is that Bethlehem moves around her. Touches her shoulder and moves to her sister. She sees it happen in slow motion and doesn’t even hear the words that they say. Doesn’t hear anything except the screaming in her head.

Because she had feared that she would come apart if they came together.

He couldn’t love her.

But maybe he could love her sister.

“I’m sorry,” she says and her voice doesn’t feel like her own. It feels alien in her mouth, echoing and strange and she shakes her head as if they would help. “I should leave you two,” her breath catches and her throat burns with the word, “alone.” She takes a step back. “I need to go.”

And then, the lead that has been anchoring her feet suddenly disappears.

She feels alive with an incredible agony.

She moves to Gospel and pushes her with her nose. “We are leaving,” she says, and her voice is not unkind, but it is stern. “We have to go.” She does not take no for an answer. Does not care that her strange and violent daughter thirsts and hungers for the sight of her father on the ground. Doesn’t care about anything except that buzzing in her head, the scream that remains in her throat.

And without a glance back to the two, she picks up her daughter and leaves.

in a dying love I'm nothing but a stone cold liar but, oh, I got an iron in that fire

Adna